To not take child to party?

I have boy girl twins and the answer is to take the easy route. Take her, do a special treat with your son. Decline the invitation. Whichever gives you the less grief.

The sooner they're treated as individuals the sooner they'll get used to it.

Do what you think is best, it ain't that deep!

I’m surprised that a 5 yo is inviting someone 3.5 yo to their party. That’s quite a big developmental gap. I wouldn’t be worried about declining the invitation.

I have never seen a kids party where it was acceptable to "drop" a 3 yo and go do something else.

Parents are always expected to stay and manage their own child, it's a party, not free childcare

You are putting your sons feelings of
missing out above your daughters feelings by making her miss out.

Drop DD, so something with DS for a few hours, collect DD and they both share their afternoons activities.

A three year old will understand that he’s not invited to a party thrown by a friend of both of them?
I really doubt it.
I would decline.

Did the invite get given in person or through the nursery? I am wondering if the mum even realises she is a twin or just asked her son / the nursery for names her child plays with.

I would 100% message and ask if you can bring both if you pay for one. Just explain it's too difficult with childcare otherwise as you would want to stay as they are so little.

I think at that age it's bizarre to only invite one, unless it was an all boy/all girl party.

As a twin mum I understand where you're coming from, but honestly, take the opportunity to spend as much one on one time with separate twins. They so often end up.as "the twins" that they so often get ignored as individuals. And its lovely just to do something with one rather than two.

Absolutely go to the party. It’s a lovely opportunity for your dd. Where is their dad? Surely, he can take your ds out for the day to do something fun together. It’s nice for them to each get 1 to 1 time as they are more than just a unit. If you truly don’t have alternative childcare, then yes, I think you have to decline, but don’t do it because only one is invited. You will have a lifetime of this to handle, so might as well start now.

they're 3 years old!

Too young for parents to drop and run, too young to understand that they can use the soft play but stay away from the party

Of course they are individuals and can be treated as such, but they are 3! Do you really expect a 3yo to stay on a seat for an hour while his sibling is having fun? That's mean

It could be and probably is a simple oversight. Message and ask if your son can come. Say you'll pay if necessary. I've had messages asking as much myself and I have sent similar messages. It's fairly common for siblings to attend even if they're not directly involved with the party.

hen sitting there all sad because nobody turned up. It breaks my heart.

you are very kind, but it's always OK to decline an invitation,
Not turning up means you said you would attend and you just don't show.

In that context, they are so little of course you can decline

They are also too little to understand that they could go to the softplay but stay away from the party. When they are older, you can just take a friend and keep them away, but at 3?

I have girl twins, and I can really understand why this must be really hard. I’ve not been in this position before but is your little boy actually friends with the birthday boy?

If not, I’d explain it that way and either arrange a play date with a friend or do something nice but different with him like the cinema, etc?

I think the earlier twins deal with this, the better

The Op paying for her son is fine abd doesnt get rage on mumsnet
Its when people turn up at parties with extra siblings and ecpect them to be accomadated that gets rage.

I think this is definitely the best approach.

I think some PPs are not twin parents! 3 is too little for explaining all this, I wouldn’t go. I would add that my two often did things separately at that age no problems. Don’t stress about what happens at school… they’ll be at least 14 months older and better able to understand

It could be a mistake. I'd never invite one 3 yo twin and not the other. Maybe reply saying sorry, girl can't make it, she and her twin don't like being separated just yet.

At that age, I wouldn't even tell my child they'd been invited to a party if I didn't want to (or couldn't) take them. If they prefer playing together your DD probably wouldn't enjoy it as much anyway without your DS, so it's not really like you'd be 'taking an opportunity away from her'. It's also not a friendship that needs nurturing if the boy is turning 5 and is presumably off to school soon. So I think it's fine not to go - there's plenty of time later for them to develop separate friendships. And I hate the 'they have to start developing resilience/learn to deal with disappointment' arguments - little children get multiple opportunities to do that pretty much every day, they don't need extra ones.

Especially at such a young age it's pretty normal for parents to reach out and ask if a sibling can join in. Even more so with twins. It got to the point where I used to just proactively say on the invite siblings were welcome but just let me know first for numbers.

Just ask.

Does your son consider birthday child to be his friend as well? If he does I would either ask if he can come (do you know the parents well? They may not realise dd has a twin, at nursery I wouldn't have had a clue because drop offs weren't synchronised like at school) or decline as at 3.5 they are old enough to feel left out but not really to understand why.

at 3.5 it wouldn't have been fleeting.

When DH left with one twin, twin with me would have been upset (actually they both would have), and would have spent the whole time apart asking when twin would be back. Then other twin comes home with a party bag, and the toys hang round for days, so it would have started the whole thing off again.

and for what? two hours at soft play and some cold pizza.

maybe your twins would be totally ok but I know mine wouldn't and op does too.

the main thing op is to decide and let her knowm. the issue is when people just don't respond. cite childcare issues for son if you want to avoid an awkward convo

It's soft play. Take one for the party and pay entrance for the other one. I always paid for my other child if one had a soft play party.

Do you have a partner/family member that can do something else with the uninvited twin?

The thing is once they start school this will happen more often if they are in different classes or if people don't do class parties and the children only play with one.
There is a boy/girl twins and girl/girl twins in my daughter's year. My daughter only played with the girls so boy twin has never been invited to her parties.

So what?