To not take child to party?

I think they're too young to be picking and choosing, I'm have invited both twins or neither. They are old enough to feel sad about missing out but not old enough to understand the why, when they see their sibling going and hear the discussions at nursery. So I'd decline and say you were busy. These life lessons will come when they are old enough to understand.

OP isn’t even considering that option, she already said she wouldn’t do that

@Thirtygoesataname My money is on them not knowing they are twins. Given they are Boy/Girl twins I bet they've just not noticed and asked nursery who their little boy plays with.

I'd just reply and say "Oh no, I'm sorry we can't make it I have no childcare for her twin" and I'd eat my hat if the parent didn't then say "Oh I didn't realise she was a twin, of course bring them!"

Nursery parties are never at capacity, it's not like the first year of school when you've got to invite 30!

This. Which would you like to do? Just don't ask if the other twin can come. I don't think anyone is missing out on a massive opportunity if you decline because the kids are 3 and this will not be the last soft play party in my estimation. Are you planning for them to be in the same class at primary school?

That’s even worse! Oh no boy twin, you can’t sit with your friends or have cake or a party bag. When it’s another sibling fine, but not a twin with all his classmates! Also it will just look like she disagreed with the invite list

In my limited experience, twins work quite hard not to be viewed as a job lot

Ah so you've never met a 3 year old. Let alone a 3 year old twin.

That are two individual people. Of course your daughter should go. The other child won’t be traumatized for life because of a party.

I think in principle kids need to understand that they don't get invited all the Time, and that its healthy to have separate friends and do separate activities etc. But not sure that the 'your son will just need to understand that his sister gets to do separate stuff sometimes' understand that:

• they are 3.5. Their understanding is limited
• it's likely the same group of friends. If it was something like it was all girls or all boys that would be one thing and easier to explain that he wasn't invited to the girls party. But it's a mixed group. So no I wouldn't be wanting to explain to my 3.5 year old child, why his sister was going to play with his friends and he wasn't invited.

Do you give your daughter presents when it is the twins birthday? Or the twins when it is her birthday? Children have to learn that sometimes they do things separately. Imagine if 10 children are invited to a party and every family brings two more children.

Honestly I wouldn't have a Scooby Doo who are twins and who aren't at DS's nursery. The parent might not be clued in.

I think 3 is too young to be teaching resilience, they won't understand the concept. Twins of that age should be treated equally, I think it's a bit thoughtless on the part of the party mum perhaps she hasn't realised they are twins, and I would ask if I could pay for him to go too. They will soon enough want their own individual friends and be willing if not happy for one or the other to go to a party.

It's a big thing for a small child to feel left out, it's bad enough when they don't get invited to another child's party when lots of other children they know do but when their twin does and they don't it's really hard.

With twins I expect there will be lots of one doing this and the other doing something different.

Different friends, interests etc.

I'd just get on with it personally, some good advice on here already.

I used to get this a lot with my boy/girl twins.

What I used to do was take both of them along, plus one friend for the child who wasn't invited. Invited child ate at the party table, non invited child ate with me and her little friend. It worked really well. Try that, invite a playmate for your non invited child.

If it's soft play and they haven't hired it as a private hire then just pay for your son to go in. Buy him his own food. I'm not sure in the long run one sibling can miss out on things because the other wasn't included. That said ds1 had a friend who was a twin but the twin brothers weren't both in the same class through primary school. I always invited both to any party.

Do you have to stay with your daughter at the party? If so, will you need to bring your son with you, so he will see his sister having fun at the party but not be able to join in?

I think if that's the case, I would decline the invitation.

However, if you can leave your son with his dad (who could take him to do an activity that he would enjoy), it should be OK for your daughter to attend.

I do think that it's a bit mean to invite just one of a set of twins when they both attend the same nursery. It's always going to be tricky and a bit awkward.

I have boy girl twins and logistically taking one not the other just doesn’t work. You can’t drop and go at that age … I’d decline the RSVP and explain to the mum that as they are twins and you can’t leave one at home and then unfortunately you can’t go. Maybe the parent doesn’t know they are twins?

It seems odd that the parents have invited one and not the other presumably they're in the same nursery group on the same days? So normally people tend to invite the whole group, unless it's a very big nursery?
Unless they have a very good reason not to want one of your kids there, it's rude to invite one twin and not the other at this age. Obviously when they're older/in different groups etc, that's different.
I'd just say sorry, until they're X age, it's too awkward to take one to a party and not the other. Happy to pay for Ashley, if it's cost that's the issue, but I'm not bringing Jordan unless Ashley can come too.

I think you should let your daughter go. Presumably she knows she has been invited? What will you say to her if you decline the invitation.
Your children are individuals and will have different friends. All you have go say to your son is that his sister is friends with the boy so he has invited her to his party. There might be an occasion where he is invited to a party and she isn't. You need to show them that that situation is normal.
You can also tell him that he and you will do something nice with him

I have twins and a singleton. I have declined invitations because of the hurt this situation causes. At 3.5, it is very hard for them to understand. You can't avoid the twin who hasn't been invited hearing all about it and no matter what what anyone says, it hurts to be actively excluded. This is not the same as normal siblings who are a different age and different classes etc.

Even at age 11, this still causes a huge amount of upset where the friends are joint friends. On occasion, even now, one of my twins will choose to decline the invitation in order to avoid their twin being upset.

I say this as a twin mum - I think you need to ensure they have things to do which are separate from each other sometimes so this is a good opportunity. I think it can be really unhealthy to do everything together as they can become over-dependent on one another. I'd drop off the child with the invite and take time to do something nice with the other.

I think at this age they're too young to fully grasp it. If it was the same scenario at 4.5, I would say let one child go and do something special for the second. I would either ask the mum if you could pay for the other twin, or decline. Then start individual activities / conversations around this to slowly lay ground work for the future.