To dislike play dates?

I dont think play dates was really a thing until super nanny started it.

My friend never done any her kids went to school made friends got older met friends after school and in the holidays.

Playdates aren't meant to be fun for the adults. They're socialising opportunities for the children.

How important they are for YOUR children depends on a number of factors: how many kids do you have, do your children have cousins and wider family, do they go to school/nursery, do they have clubs and activities where they meet different children?

Playdates are particularly important for two types of children imo. If your child is having trouble socialising at school or gets lost in a group, then it can be really beneficial for them to have their schoolfriends round and spend time with them one on one or in a small group environment, to build up relationships which will then help them to manage better at school. We've had children over who have fallen into this category and it's been really nice to see them come out of their shell a little and develop their confidence.

My DC is a bit louder and more confident and gets on well with his peers at school, but I still think playdates are really important for him because we don't have much close family locally. My kids don't have cousins and my family and in laws live a distance away from us. Like many kids, my DC tends towards the feral in some of his behaviour and occasionally has to be reminded of his manners, so playdates with families we are friends with (and where we both understand each other's DC and make allowances for them!) are a really good opportunity for him to see manners modelled in social situations and to practice his own, in a way that children with a bigger extended family probably see in their own family gatherings.

It doesn't need to be this all or nothing approach though. There's 52 weekends in a year. 8 days in a month. Having one or two play dates at home isn't going to eat into family time, or stop you spending time together or making memories together.

My four year old regularly asks people to come play at our house or to see a friend to go play. I can't imagine what sort of message I'd be telling them or how beneficial it would be me for them to tell them that they weren't allowed to have friends of their own choosing over.

There's people on here like yourself OP who "joke" and seem to think its funny to be anti-social and to not want to meet or speak to anyone they don't but it's anything but funny and I find incredibly sad. You and your children's world and life can be expanded and enriched by new friendships and experiences yet the growing consensus seems to be it's preferable to stay in your isolated nuclear bubble at a weekend.

I’m with you on this. I’m fine if I know the parents well but it’s awkward if not. However, I 100% prefer this over the parent not being there because some kids are awful and can be really naughty and not listen and I’m not great at telling other peoples kids off!

It's unfortunately one of these things as a parent you just need to grit your teeth with. I hate mess, I hate clutter, the mess my kids makes sends my nervous system into meltdown.

HOWEVER, it's not just my house. It's their house too. It's the house they live in and they deserve the chance to have friends round and to have these opportunities whether I like it or not. It's almost doing your kids a disservice to not allow them to have friends round.

Im not a completely self sacrificing parent but having kids means putting them first and at times having to do things that we dont necessarily like in order for our children to have new experiences and help their development.

Parks and soft play are great. However having a child have their friends round to their house where they can socialise in their home environment and share their toys, is a skill and experience that can't be replicated elsewhere. There's growing research now on the loss of free play for kids and how free play is essential for development . And these skills arent made at nursery or structured activities or soft play (and im big fans of all these things) but with kids just playing with each other in environments like their house.

I think you're being a bit precious. You can feel however you feel about playdates (and yes they can be a bit tedious) but it seems a bit depressing to want to limit your kids' opportunity to learn social skills: it's so important. Sacrificing a couple of hours at the weekend to have a coffee with another mum while your kids play isn't the biggest hardship.

I also find the desire to ringfence "family time" a bit controlling and restrictive. You'll have plenty of family time over the course of their childhood and if you force it they will grow to resent it as they get older. In my experience mandated "family time" is a snoozefest which kids bristle against. Far better to have them choose family than have it forced on them.

Oh God, OP - nobody likes playdates (except sometimes the kids)! Crying, smashed toys, horrible mess, damage to your house, food being messed with, whining, cheekiness from guest children that you wouldn't tolerate in your own.

They are usually just things you have to endure for the sake of your children.

I was a teacher and I can control a class, but some of the most stressful days of my life have been parties - especially the home ones - but even the 'entertainer' ones too.

I was SO glad when my children finished primary school!

It would be best to do a mix, some weekends you will absolutely be too busy (because you can’t be arsed), some weekends you could say “oh we’re going to softplay , would jimmy like to join us instead?We can pick him up and drop him off.”, you’ll find some parents will agree and you can start a drop and run routine with them, you could say “oh son’s name would love to, but unfortunately DS is at work and I have an appointment.” Again, some parents will offer to have gim on his own, and you can invite the kid at yours on his own/suggest it wouldn’t be an issue and again establish a drop and run with these parents, some weekends say “oh we are going to the park /wherever would you like to join us?(especially if free)”, if the invite is close to a period of leave you can suggest one of those days instead as an alternative, some weekends you might have to suck it up and say yes but hopefully they’ll be few and far between if you try the other things first.

I agree with you. We don't do many play dates at weeke nds. I'm happy to host a birthday party once a year and take dcs to parties, but otherwise weekends are better spent with family doing days outs or seeing a show (we usually have events like theatre and concerts booked months in advance), and play dates do encroach on that time (we are often away in school holidays so it's nothing like 52 weekends available). For us it's more of a priority to spend time together as a family and have siblings doing things together, than playing childminder for some kid in their class and being stuck at home. Sometimes we'll do play dates after school but we have weekly after school activities for one or the other of my dcs so it's usually not convenient either.

4 and 1. It may feel like a chore but as they said it pays off. Kids learn so much from their parents and there are SO many benefits to socialising outside of a structured environment like nursery and at home with friends. If your kids see you speaking and socialising with parents, that's going to have huge benefits to them and give them a blue print going forward in life. That having fun and being with friends isn't just confined to school or nursery.

Of course spending time as a family is important. But all day every weekend? Kids need more than that.

I love a weekend play date. We have a lot of friends with kids similar ages so it means we get catch up with parents and kids are entertained. Win win!

We both work but I've never felt they intrude on "family time". Part of being in a family involves doing things with other people and new experiences and meeting friends. There's 52 weekends in a year so 104 days. A few play dates here and there isn't going to eat into that.

I also find it's easier at weekends if we have things lined up with friends. Kids love being round other kids and there's something joyful seeing them play with each other. When I grew up, some of my best memories are when we had family friends round, the gatherings, the barbecues. All the kids having fun together. I want to give my kids that, a rich full life. Yes having time together is great but also time as a family with others too. I don't want them to look back and just remember every weekend spent only with their family and no one else.

I would have hated this but wouldn’t have agreed. I don’t think I ever did a weekend play date where I had to stay!

I find play dates can be a bit one sided - I’ve always been very much of the opinion that I don’t mind within reason but there’s always the CF who never return the favour and expects a bit of free childcare.
to be honest we are working all week between us and have a bit of flexibility but about mid week stuff and weekends are quite busy so if it fits in fine - if not then no

never understand the trashing of houses tho, they wouldn’t be doing that in my house!!! One toy out, one away - no snacks served until it’s tidy!

I hated them, I once invited ds friend who then turned up with his younger sisters… mum sat on the sofa non stop talking paying no attention to the children, her son fell down the stairs and she still didn’t stop talking. Stopped doing them at that point waited till ds was older and the parents/siblings no longer had to come with. Much easier!

I know it’ll change as they get older but I’m not sure weekend play dates are necessary for a 4 year old preschooler

They're not necessary, so you don't have to do them since you don't enjoy them. We (and the other parents we do them with) do them because we like them. There are two main reasons: (1) we tend to invite children from nursery whose parents we like and want to get to know better, and (2) we have two DCs at the stage where the age gap is tricky (2.5 years apart) and they tend to wind each other up, so it's actually easier and more relaxing if the older one has another child in the house, as then they can bugger off upstairs or outside and entertain each other while the parents have a cup of tea and a chat. It's especially handy if DP or I is away for the weekend - looking after two DCs with different needs on your own (esp. where they both start competing for your attention) is more effort than organising a playdate for one of them where the kids can entertain each other, whether at our own home or at the other child's house. In fact, because we know quite a few families where both parents sometimes travel for work, we tend to look out for each other a bit and offer (or ask for) playdates when we know one parent is going to be alone with the children.

I never liked them much. But there comes a time when they’re a bit older and require less supervision, that they actually make your day easier.

Socialising for your child is good for so many reasons.
If you do not like the hosue trashed what are they trashing?
Have a tidy up time before they leave or venture out.
I would be asking of you can leave them sometimes.
Abit selfish to only want to spend time with family only...its the kids social circle.
Wait until friends randomly show up and.run about...I love it.

I hated them, especially as my dh then worked every weekend either Saturday or Sunday so they would break into the only day we had together and I resented giving up my other day to taking them or hosting. I think though that most of mine's friends parents thought the same so it tended to be going after school. Which i still hated tbf.

I gently started suggesting that the parents didn’t have to stay around that age, some kids I had on their own from even younger , but I knew the parents quite well. It worked even better for days out rather than at home. Most people were comfortable with it (great!) and started doing it too (even better).