To dislike play dates?

No that’s what I mean, it used to be you just went to someone’s house to play. But then this became known as a play date and another form of helicopter parenting ensued because back in the day a child would just pop over to without parents whereas now it’s a whole organised, structured event with parents in tow and lots of angst.

I’m not sure play dates are a modern invention. I used to go over my friend’s houses all the time as a kid, both with and without parents there! Though we just called it ‘playing at Xs’ rather than ‘having a play date with X’.

I do sort of get this, i think it depends though, on whether you want to get to know some of the mums & dads? I did, i moved to this village just before we had DC, my friends from uni and work arent round here, i was happy to have opportunities to make friends. I didnt mind having a cup of tea & a chat while the kids played.

Are you a bit houseproud op? I had a friend who couldnt stand having people over unless her house was immaculate. Hard with kids....

I host play dates and like play dates. If you don’t want to go, decline the invite and don’t return it. I don’t want people coming to my house, when I put time and effort into hosting (child and parents), if they don’t want to be there. Perhaps this is harsh but I think it’s pretty disrespectful.

it’s great for you that you and your husband both have weekends off, but remember that’s not the case for everyone. My husband works every other weekend, so yeah we try and do stuff as a family when we can but on the other weekends I love to hang out with friends and their kids. Sometimes we go out for the day or a couple of hours, but I love doing craft afternoons, or playing in the garden and things like that with a friend or two and their toddlers. It’s important for my sanity as well as the kids. I don’t have any expectations that these kind of events are prioritised over family days, and never pressure anyone to join, it’s an open invite.

I made a few friends on maternity leave that I hung out with several times a week, and then when they went back to work I basically never saw them again, because weekends were family time. Fortunately I made a couple of really good friends whose partners also work weekends and shifts, and we do loads together at weekends, especially as we don’t have other family nearby.

Everyone’s situation is different and everyone likes to socialise in different ways. If you don’t want to join in, don’t, but remember that friends are important as well as family and you can’t just pick them up when it’s convenient for you.

My children are 12 and 15 and I don’t think they were ever invited to a weekend playdate, just midweek ones. Weekends are far too busy for us and all families that I know.
My children did dance classes all day on Saturdays though from the age of three so certainly no time for family time then. Sundays is now also taken up with sport.
For us, family time is in the late evenings and on holidays.
I hated the house being trashed - would happen every time they had friends around until the eldest had one friend who was a keen tidier - I then invited her around frequently!
I only did play dates with parents I was friends with. I find it’s often easier (even now) to have children around so that my children don’t fight.

I don’t have many friends so I enjoy play dates because I’m a sad case 😂

And a few people have mentioned the OP can take her DC to the park to play out with the ‘play date’ kids rather than hosting in her home. It’s really not a hard choice between play dates, organised activity or home alone.

The whole concept of play dates is one of a long list of nonsensical activities modern parents have being guilt tripped into supporting. Millions of adults from my generation grew up as neglected 1970s/80s kids and did perfectly well without them. The comments on here telling the OP that if she doesn’t organise them she is doing her DC a huge disservice and they will grow up not knowing how to socialise or share are demented😂

@Peonyyyy I wasn't keen on leaving my 4 year old either. But many parents are. I only invited calm kids to my home though. If dc wanted to play with someone feral (but kind ofcourse) then it was soft play or park. His best friend was a lovely girl that I loved having over- we took her on family outings as well. Her mum had 4 kids so was relieved to be rid of one I think 😅

My kids have a huge age gap so it makes no difference to me . I often bring my older child out places on his own anyway at the weekend while my dh minds the baby . I don’t mind it being at the weekend . That said I hate play dates at our house they are stressful but I’ve put up with them for my child’s sake

Playdates alone at 3 years old would be astoundingly uncommon and not something most people are comfortable with for several obvious reasons.

Yes, but your kids got to 'play out', which is clearly a thousand times better than any playdate 🙄. They were lucky in that respect. Most children nowadays don't live in an environment where they get to do that, hence why their parents organise playdates. It's organised activities, playdates or alone in the house.

“Is it ok if we meet outside at xxx instead as child needs to blow off steam at weekends”

My DC were both quite shy/reserved in Reception and would probably fall into your category of children who ‘needed’ play dates. They also didn’t have many cousins around. I generally declined play dates invites to other people’s homes (except a couple of very close friends) and didn’t have children round to mine because frankly I couldn’t be bothered and it just sounded unappealing. We did however live close to a council estate where children of all ages played outside all the time and my two played with a bunch of these kids virtually every day. It was great for them and quite similar to my upbringing when ‘play dates’ didn’t exist (busy working parents didn’t have time for any of that, I just played out with other children and usually unsupervised).

DC are 10 & 13 now, plenty of friends and show no ill effects from not engaging in structured play dates. I have no idea why parents put themselves through all kinds of purgatory for the alleged benefit of socialising their kids.

You win a medal 🙄

yanbu op. We don’t do play dates at all ever at home on the weekends. If it’s outdoors fine as we can leave and go when we want as well. I will only do a weekend play date if the parent is an actual friend too.

I don’t think most do them at 4 with nursery friends. Wait until school and consider that more an investment in time as they have years together

So don’t do them until the kids are older and don’t need the parent to stay, and less likely to just be a massive handful.
Or always arrange for outwith the home.
For what it’s worth I disliked them too when dd was young because I didn’t like having to host a parent I wouldn’t necessarily have been friends with under different circumstances. I’m an older parent so why would a 23 year old parent want to hang out in the house of a 38 year old and make polite conversation while the kids play? Def go out.
Its much easier when they are older.

Brilliant! She tried to censor your music in your home (in case the six year old listened intently to Fleetwood Mac and memorised the lyrics)

please start a thread about batshit things other parents have done on a play date

Urgh. I feel you but i gravitated towards the mums who opened wine on the play date

just decline!

You're being a bit dramatic IMO. Your title is you don't like play dates but from your OP it sounds like you just don't want to do play dates on weekends at your house.

You're not obligated to invite people over just because they've invited you and you don't have to do it on weekends if you'd rather do other things. It's fine to suggest meeting at the park or a soft play.

We never did play dates at the weekend for young children. That was family time.
As for having my house thrashed? Absolutely not.

Yanbu to not want them.

Oh god same. Some parents are a nightmare as well. Last year my DD(6) had a pal over. I did my standard routine - throw them in the garden and let them go wild for a bit, then dinner and some crafts. In our house we always have music on, I love Fleetwood Mac so I think it was a playlist of that sort. Hardly vulgar or raunchy - got a text from the mum that basically said she noticed I was playing uncensored songs when she picked up her child and asked if I could either have no music or kids bop in future… safe to say she’s not been back 😂.

I have never ever done a weekend playdate just say no

@WiltedLettuce

Playdates are particularly important for two types of children imo. If your child is having trouble socialising at school or gets lost in a group, then it can be really beneficial for them to have their schoolfriends round and spend time with them one on one or in a small group environment, to build up relationships which will then help them to manage better at school. We've had children over who have fallen into this category and it's been really nice to see them come out of their shell a little and develop their confidence.

I agree but also generally people are so much more atomised and there are so many more self-described "introverts" and people who seem to struggle with the concept of rubbing along with other people these days. Social contact is a massive protective factor for mental health and I think children need to take all the opportunities they can get, frankly. If that means giving up a couple of hours every two weeks for a fairly boring chat with someone you don't have loads in common with then that's the price you pay.

Completely understandable that you want to protect some family time @Peonyyyy but I wouldn't let it become a "thing": I've seen a lot of kids really bridle against this as they get older.

I did! My DC did! (But we didn't call them 'Play Dates' - just going to play with a friend.
It was always lovely to see them interacting with children their age and also to get to know the parents. Having said that, I was lucky enought to be a SATP when young, then a part-timer, so I appreciate the circumstances are very different.

We did them regularly from nursery age right up to secondary. As they get older, I've found it even more useful to get to know their friends propoerly.