Childcare for nephew

Has she also tried nurseries? My DGD’s nursery has mini buses and do school drop offs and pick ups to about 4 different primaries in the area. I’m not sure whether it is for ex-nursery children though or open to anyone if they have spaces.

I don’t think your being unreasonable at all, id even be sceptical about helping temporarily as this will inevitably end up long term. What happens if he gets poorly, you have to rearrange your morning until his mum can collect etc.

I'd probably do it, because we're not talking forever here & it's so difficult being an unsupported lone parent (if that's what she is). School need to get more wrap around places organised. There's an obvious demand, & lack of provision disproportionately affects parents like your sister. I do often wonder if some of these village schools, especially those with religious affiliations, only have the minimum to keep themselves inaccessible to anyone except "traditional" families on purpose.

Has she contacted any nurseries/pre-schools? They often provide before and after school clubs and do drop offs and pick ups.

I wouldn’t want to do it either. Mine are all young adults now. I am moving closer to family soon, and my brother had a later in life child who is 4. They have no-one to help, and I don’t mind occasional babysitting but certainly wouldn’t want to commit to 4 days a week. It’s likely you’ll be stuck doing it for 2yrs plus. It is a big ask.

How do you force a deadbeat dad to parent?

Wondering as I've been single parenting for 8 years and didn't realise there was an option.

Yep. As soon as I read she'd moved close to OP I thought incoming CF.

Are you sure the move to your village wasn’t inspired by the assumption of free childcare? What did she do before she moved?

This is also unfair on your nephew. He needs attention not an ipad every day after school.

She needs to find a student or babysitter or ask other families to share care.

Look up koru kids it's an agency for after school childcare

As your sister is a single parent she is going to have to request changing her hours and finish at 4pm. Could she make her time up in the evening? Tbh as a single parent I would just speak with my boss and say she is really struggling. She really NEEDS to finish at 4pm.

There's 13 weeks of school holidays. Research holiday camps for your sister.

It’s a massive tie and really cheeky to ask. What if OP wants to go away ?

Ignore the sainted self sacrificing twits who will leap in to instruct you that your time and energy are resources to be shared.

The answer is no, of course. And no multiplied by 100 since you're also working.

Don't offer anything, not a single regular day, because you're then locked in and she'll just keep pushing.

Oh yes this is far too much to take on and completely tone deaf of her to ask. You are also a person with a busy life and you only just came out of the childcare years yourself, you can’t start again with someone else’s child!

Fortunately she’s got all summer to sort something. I wouldn’t be so fast to offer 1 day, it’s better if she locks in a Mon-Fri solution.

Don’t do it. I did this for a friend/neighbour when she went back to work following Covid. It was such a bind and put responsibility upon me when I’d done all my years bringing our own children up. If it was a one off or for x amount of time I might consider it but not like we did again. It was way too much

Your sister is one of the many who think working at home isn't really work. Tell her to jog on.

Respectfully, surely this was something that was taken in to account in her decision to move and change his school? At the point where you researched and then register at a new school would you not also be making sure what wraparound is available in the area ?
Also you mention he’s been going to his “old” school for the time being. How has she been managing this if they’ve already moved ?

It’s not your responsibility to pick up the slack. This should have been a deciding factor in her moving and changing his school in the first place and I can’t believe it wasn’t. I’d be very careful that you don’t end up doing more impromptu child care as well… being so close and “available” at home you can bet who’ll get called upon if he’s unwell at school and needs picking up, or she gets stuck at work and so on.

Realistically your sister needs to speak to her employer about flexible working like everyone else has to. It will only be a couple of years until he’s old enough to be on his own anyway, so it’s a relatively temporary problem for her to find a solution to.

Can she work on prepping him to me capable of getting himself there by himself? Maybe invest in some home automation that will remind him to leave and the like. Then sign him up for after school clubs - sport, music, whatever, that are within walking or bussing distance?

Most 9 year olds could do this fine if they were prepped properly, though I appreciate not every 9 year old is most!

What about inset days and school holidays? Is she planning for you to have him all day?

I think what you've offered sounds fair. My only question is whether by saying you can do it one day a week after school, that kind of says you can work round him. Two mornings and no after schools might be easier to stick to. No, we absolutely can't have him during work hours. Maybe you could relax a bit around not needing to be dressed before he arrive, it would simplify things. I think letting him eat breakfast at yours is a good shout. It would keep him occupied. Food stays in the kitchen though.

It's frustrating that she is asking you to flex both ends of your day but doesn't seem to be considering adjusting her own hours. This is a reason to stand firm. And I agree with you that what you offer temporarily might end up permanent because it's easier than keeping looking for a less convenient to her, more expensive solution.

I think she needs a college or uni student or au pair if she can't or won't change her hours. Someone might want those hours as a nanny, it's not impossible. It might even work out perfectly for someone working locally who works 9-3pm pre-school, or someone working as a TA or lunchtime supervisor. But since she's just moved she doesn't have much of a grapevine yet so this may be tricky to find.

Many schools do not allow children to leave on their own until in year 6. There is a reason for this.

I don’t think 9 year olds are counted in the numbers of children a childminder can have so is it just a case of finding one who is prepared to take on an extra child?

And what’s all this business of feeding him too? He won’t want to go without food until 6pm, is she expecting you to feed him?

What was she offering to pay for the approx 15 hours childcare plus breakfast and snacks?

Worst case scenario, she could become a childminder. I’ve seen that happen twice!

I disagree with this in lots of ways but also feel like you might not know many nine-year-old boys if you would suggest giving them a bowl of cereal on the sofa shudder