Childcare for nephew

You're saying you took your nieces on your days off. OP is being asked to have him during her own office hours, week in week out. That is a very different prospect. Especially as it's a straight 1:1, her sister is asking her to take him during OP's own hours so that she herself can work.

If the nephew is well behaved I'd do this for my sister on the understanding I might want to go on holding term time and she'd have to sort that week and she continues to look for a child minder. I'd do it until she finds one. Your nephew can watch TV after school and bring a snack with him until she collects him. Your sister probably hates asking you but can't find other options ATM. I'd always help out my family if at all possible because I know they are always there for me.

Tbf OP says she was a SAHM, so she wasn't trying to juggle it all when her kids were young...

I would do it for my sister but not everyone is the same. I'm stuck in September on how to get my two primary school aged kids to my parents on a Thursday afternoon my sister doesn't work a Thursday and I have thought of asking her but I know the answer will be a 'no' doesn't annoy me because her kids are all up so I get it but I would do it without a second thought but everyone is different so that has to be respected

Speaking as a childminder I've always found that school aged children stay with me for the duration of their time at primary school so spaces don't come up until a child leaves year 6. She could ask childminders to hold onto her number in case they do have a space come free. Also, if she decides to let him be home alone after school, she may find that school won't let him leave by himself. Our school don't allow it until Year 6.

At least have the decency to read the op’s posts! The nephew is not the kind of kid that sits still and is into everything and talking and wanting to have someone to talk at 24/7 as well as not being able to be left on his own with the dogs or anything else!

“Oh I’m one of the few who would do it, but Ive been a working mum and know how tough juggling it all is”

Yeah join the club! I imagine many of us who have said Yanbu and that she shouldn’t do it are also working mums (or have been) trying to juggle it all.
For precisely that reason, she shouldn’t be pressured into doing it again after finally getting a bit of freedom back after doing it for her own kids for so long.

It's absolutely ridiculous of her to expect you to allow your nephew to come to your house while you're working. She wouldn't dream of telling him to show up at your office until she could collect him three hours later, just bc you WFH doesn't make it any different. You're at work until 6pm therefore you're not available to provide childcare. The destination of your work is irrelevant. Say no and stick to it.

It's disrespectful of your sister to ask something so huge, especially as it's left you feeling guilty and like it's your problem to solve when it isn't, it's hers. Why are you being asked to disrupt your working day to fix her poor planning? She should be speaking to her boss and coming up with a new work schedule. Has she changed her place of work to suit the move? What's her plan for school holidays, as others have said? What if you want a term-time getaway?

YANBU. Say no and don't relent, it sounds like you'd be roped in for at least two years of childcare if you give her an inch.

Oh I’m one of the few who would do it, but Ive been a working mum and know how tough juggling it all is, I also got school holidays off and took nieces part of week as Sister in law worked full time so maybe I’m biased but I enjoyed having them.
In morning I would just stick on tv or iPad could you leave out a snack and do same evening I doubt he’d want much chat, doesn’t sound much really and places might open up at clubs so wouldn’t be be forever.

I think many of the people who comment that you are selfish OP are people who still have small DC. It is so much easier to add in another child when you are already doing childcare for your own DC. However, when your DC move on to college and you change your lifestyle, it is way too much of an ask to commit to formal childcare.

My Dsis and I helped each other a lot when our DC were young but now that we have college age DC we do not offer the same level of help to our younger Dsis who has very young DC. We have both moved on to either more responsible careers or to additional hobbies now that the daily school run is over.

Stick to your guns OP. And for all the ‘village’ people ( see what I did!) on here - where do men come in to this? Why is it up to 2 women to solve childcare?

I would keep it as an absolute red line that you can't look after him on days you are working.

Self sacrifice is not what this is. Hyperbole from someone who has taken this comment personally I think.

It’s a choice and the op has it. The op also asked on AIBU. You understand how that works right?

Does the after schhol club/breakfast club have spacevon a Friday? Lots of people have Friday as there day off. Maybe she could change hers? That would cover another day.

I think you role as being local could be to ask around your networks (friends of your children or their parents) to ask if there are any young people (someone on a gap year?) who is looking for a part time babysitting job.

This is not a you problem, this is a her problem.

That’s an awful lot to ask of you and also, what about when he’s too sick for school, inset days, school holidays etc? I’m guessing you’d be expected to step up then as well!
She chose to move away from the grandparents, so she needs to sort her childcare out herself.
You've offered one day a week and I think that’s fine, plus you’re actually supposed to be working!
She’ll have to speak to her employers to try to tweek her hours.

Sis needs to get him on every waiting list going, flex her hours for a bit and maybe use some leave to cover the gap. Or could she ask to do 5 shorter days temporarily until places are available?

If there was evidence she was moving her hours round and on waiting lists I'd maybe offer to do the 3 mornings until clubs were sorted. But if not I wouldn't get into it because it could easily go on forever when she realises it's much cheaper to beg free labour off your family!

first post nails it. Did she not look into this stuff before she moved?

....and the "be kind" squad have already arrived.

This.

Say you are both working, have other commitments and are unable to assist.

Did she move closer to you, in order to use you as childcare?

Yanbu. I would ask her to ask online about babysitters who could cover it. No way would I give up my mornings & evenings if I no longer had any dependents myself.

Yanbu. It’s a massive ask.

If you didn’t live nearby or you had jobs that meant you had to leave the house for 8am and didn’t get home until 5.30 then she’d have to find a solution.

I've done it for my sister. If it was me I'd offer to do it temporarily if she had your nephews name on waiting lists for all the child minders/ wrap around care/ after school clubs that were available in the area. I'd also expect her to take any additional slots as and when they became available.

I'd also expect her to check with her employer to see if they can offer any flexibility. Even if it just meant she'd be dropping him off later or collecting him earlier.

I'd also be clear that you're likely to holiday during term time so she'll need to find cover for that, but give her notice of up coming holidays.

This is on the basis that she genuinely had plans for childcare that fell through and is desperate.

This "village" has to be made up of willing participants.
She doesn't get to recruit anyone and everyone & then get the arse on when people say no. It doesn't work like that.

@Childcarehelpneeded

Who is looking after your nephew for the 6 weeks summer?
What did your sister say when you said no?
What would happen for insets, holidays, when you or he is ill?

Perfect for you and the cheeky fucker sister - and the absolute total opposite for the OP.

This thread has made me grateful for my family if I’m honest. My home is closer for DN. He knows he can come here if a bus is missed or he’s made plans to stay in town.

I have a tribe of neices and nephews. If they can get here themselves, they are always welcome. They come for tea, sleepovers, the older ones arrange it themselves nowadays, a child/teen will pop up out of nowhere almost daily now it is the holidays.
I still won't commit to a school run or 'childcare' during the holidays. For the first time in a long time we can concentrate on our own jobs and timetable having dedicated ourselves to school runs and childcare for 18 years.

I am also grateful for my huge, chaotic family and that when I say no, they listen and understand.