Childcare for nephew

And doesn't want to be forced to do her sister's job of parenting too. Perfectly fair, even if OP wasn't working - but yep she does.

The OP is not a sahm. She has a full time job.

When you have children, you have to make sacrifices and adjust your working pattern, pay for childcare and try and juggle balls to make your weeks work.

The sister appears to want OP to do all of the ball juggling for her so she doesn’t have to!

This plus advertise for a nanny. Sites include Sitters, Koru Kids, Bubble, Childcare.co.uk. She won't want to do this as I suspect you were always her backup plan. If she'd called the school in the spring, I can guarantee the childcare situation would have been little different!

Your college age child could possibly offer to do some minding for money?

You need to say no from day 1, or she'll expect you to keep doing it while she pretends to be looking for other alternatives.

I can totally understand not wanting to do it ... and you'll be tying yourself to being there every week of the school year if you agree to even 1 day a week. I'm sorry, but it's not a reasonable ask. You and your DH both work, your children are older and more independent, you're not messing with your own careers and schedules to look after her child so she doesn't have to mess up hers.

this. Fail to plan; plan to fail.

OP is working, do you not see the difference? Why do you need to be a SAHM if looking after children whilst working is such an easy task? Do both.

This

You need to say you are not willing to make that sort of commitment, you are both still working yourselves, and she'll need to make other arrangements for her child.

Have you read the OPs detailed posts.

She likes having a lie in.
He isn’t allowed a key at his own house as his mum doesn’t trust him with it, so why should the OP?
He doesn’t just sit quietly, so that would disturb the OP who is working,
She has dogs so he would need to be supervised.
She doesn’t want to.

Do you even know what those words mean? Being a people pleaser is when you put other people’s feelings above your own by doing things you don’t want to do, and being a doormat is when you let yourself get bulldozed into doing things because you don’t assert yourself.

Wanting to or being willing to help your sister out with childcare isn’t any of the above. I know many of you think the default mentality is to run away from providing such support, or the “I suffered alone so you have to” mantra, but some of us are happy to do so and have the means.

And what’s unfair? OP can say no if she doesn’t want to. It’s not unreasonable to see if family can help out. And if said family doesn’t want to, or can’t, they can refuse to.

And as much as you like a lie in most adults aren’t sleeping past 8 you will be awake you need to get out of bed.
he can just text you when he comes in and before he leaves

You mean they stay in bed as the child arrives, and they just continue to lie there while he gets himself breakfast etc downstairs? That's assuming they are actually awake. I don't know but if I were op I wouldn't be able to stay in bed knowing someone else's child was busying himself downstairs, turning on the TV and getting himself some cornflakes.

And what if they want to have early morning sex while the kid is downstairs?

and you get to tell other people how they should manage their own life because?

it’s really a low level inconvenience in the grand scheme of things. And as much as you like a lie in most adults aren’t sleeping past 8 you will be awake you don’t need to get out of bed.

he can just text you when he comes in and before he leaves. Doesn’t matter how chatty he is you can explain the rules that you are working so he needs to do his homework and can watch his iPad. But no disturbing unless it’s an emergency.

she’s your sister not a stranger ffs. Just tell her you expect her to sort it as soon as slots become available.

I would help my sister. I’d rather support my sister than see her struggle just so I can have a lie in.

Meh, I’d let him have a key and get a doorbell camera.

he’s not a baby. I’d tell sister to provide easy use snacks for him to have in the fridge for after school and probably check on him when he came back and then get back to work.

it’s not ideal. And I wouldnt cancel holidays etc but if I could help without much effort. Which this is then I would.

She's working not doing her own thing!!!

Yes I never said it was possible for everyone, but we've zero evidence that it's completely impossible here. My husband could have easily just sat back and said it simply wasn't possible in his industry too, but someone always has to be first. Parents with nursery/school age children, including single parents who have less flexibility, are a huge swathe of the working population and lots of companies can't afford for them all to resign every time they hit a temporary childcare blip. Recruiting and training people up is expensive.

Actually sahm who regularly takes other children on that are not even family. It feels nice to help out - especially solo mums with no support around. Took a neighbours kid to school and back for a year so yes- for my sister I would absolutely do this!

It's one of thise stupid sentences designed to shut down any further discussion, a modern version of qed, it's only ever used to try and get an advantage, the 'village' is supposed to do the person's bidding without question.
In this instance I think that the sister had this money-saving scenario in mind when she chose to move so close to her sister and she is now expecting the OP to make all the adjustments to facilitate her childcare problems. Stick to your guns and don't even offer 1 day because that will be the thin end of the wedge.

It's definitely not your problem and if you're working then you obviously can't do it. She needs a babysitter. There must be some local teen who'd be up for making a few quid just to watch telly with him? The mornings, well she may have no choice but make him get himself to school. Or change her hours.

But you mustn't feel compelled to find a solution for her. You've offered one day and that generous enough.

That's the problem when a sibling with children moves nearby. My sister was forever asking for help with her then-two under 10s when we lived in London. My partner and i don't have kids, so it was annoying. "oh can I just drop them with you, I have a late meeting" etc. "oh can they stay over Friday night?" No! I cherished Friday nights in London, especially as we both worked over 12 hours a day out of the house. Friday nights were for doing exactly what we wanted.

Also by agreeing to this, you lose all your freedom and that peace of mind that can only come when you've raised and sent off your own children. As you say, you can no longer lie in, you can't do anything off the cuff or take yourselves off anywhere last-minute. This is especially aggravating when you already raised children who are now grown up, like me (not my partner's child) and you're free again.

I'd be happy to help on the odd occasion but no way should she be asking this. It's way too much. You'll be completely constricted and your time will be fully controlled by the kid. No way will he just sit quietly. He's 9. He'll be asking questions and getting hungry and wanting to play.

Sorry , I would have no problem with a 9 year old nephew coming to my house . Old enough to have a key . But then I would just continue on with my own stuff . He could come and go , eat cereal , watch TV and I would still not get up earlier than I wanted to . Lock the door behind him .
I do not understand why some MNrs get so uptight about their house or so called privacy . This is your sister's kid not some randomer . And then other MNrs moan about lack of family support. Very disappointing.

I had an au pair once it was amaaazing.best childcare I've ever had - just so incredible not to worry about being a few mins late home etc. Would highly recommend.

I find it shocking tbh that anyhone is saying a 9 year old needs no real attention or care!

This is a child going into year 5 - they are young still! They need someone to check in on them, talk to them - help organise if they want to go to the park/ see friends etc.

We really have just abandoned child development I sometimes think - it's not at all appropriate for a 9 year old to just 'go on an ipad' from 3 til 6 every day - if his parent can't be there he should be in age appropraite childcare.

She could put a note out among school parents offering to pay for shared care for example - or she could hire a local older woman whose kids are grown - there are plenty of ways to find childcare if you are prepared to pay it will be available.

It's not your responsibility! A day a week is already very generous

She can change her working hours
She can employ a nanny or au-pair
She can find other parents and swap mornings and afternoons

I would help out if it was a set amount of time (1 or 2 weeks until the space is available, if the space was booked, paid for and a definite)
Or until the au-pair starts

But not as free childcare because she just wants the lazy and cheaper option