DD and friend had drinks spiked, now in ITU AIBU?

My DD and her friend were spiked in Brighton and it turned out to be the bar man doing it... For what ends I have no idea.. he was convicted of it I think.

@Focusispower Not a spiking but I fainted in a bar once. I’d had two drinks all night, both were 330mls bottles of beer hours before, with a meal. Not even tipsy, let alone drunk. Had stuck to Diet Coke later on as I was with a group of lads I didn’t know well and was a sensible 19 year old. The staff in the pub, instead of helping me, tried to throw me out for being drunk! The attitude towards me was appalling! Vulnerable and injured (bleeding from a cut to my face) and treated like I’d cause the problem. Which even if I had, is still not the way to treat someone!

Unfortunately the attitude of club & bar owners doesn't seem to be biased towards their customers' welfare.
From what I have seen in the past, they're only interest is what the clients put over the bar. The bar staff, in their turn, are only interested in what they can make from tips.
So anything/one that disrupts the set-up is removed as soon as possible, because it's bad for business.

A friend of mine collapsed on a club dance floor years ago and was dragged off by the "bouncers" saying she was drunk. Her friend, who was dancing with her, and was a nurse, told them to call an ambulance because she saw that something was very wrong.
It turned out that she'd had a brain haemorrhage. Fortunately, it was in an area of the country where the nearest hospital had a specialist head injuries unit. She survived but it was about 6 weeks before she could speak properly.

This is shocking. Particularly the initial response. There is a hugely misogynistic culture still pervading that blames women for what happens to them and seeks that as the first explanation. I hope your DD makes a full recovery and the police take it seriously, OP.

Not a spiking but I fainted in a bar once. I’d had two drinks all night, both were 330mls bottles of beer hours before, with a meal. Not even tipsy, let alone drunk. Had stuck to Diet Coke later on as I was with a group of lads I didn’t know well and was a sensible 19 year old. The staff in the pub, instead of helping me, tried to throw me out for being drunk! The attitude towards me was appalling! Vulnerable and injured (bleeding from a cut to my face) and treated like I’d cause the problem. Which even if I had, is still not the way to treat someone!

Other material on selective attention, attentional bias, attention blindness etc. It's so important we're all aware of how unaware we are.

Poor girls

I was confident about that, too. Every single person who takes the test is (or, rather, when test is administered under the right conditions - with the right lead-in and no tells - every single person who fails it is stunned).

Anyway, a significant proportion fail although they wouldn't have dreamt it possible: your last sentence above is exactly the point.

I couldn't believe it when I missed it. I rewatched the vid three times convinced YouTube must have switched it in the minutes it took to watch, it was so hard to believe. It's a pity I've spoilt it for you so you can't find out if you're in the group like me - it's an unforgettable, unpleasant feeling. But you can read the research at least.

And while I don't usually to and fro on discussions - not much point - it's hard to understand you saying you didn't say that. It's right there, in

I don't understand how this could happen > (list of sensible precautions) > Unless you leave your drink lying around there is NO reason for it to be 'spiked'. (My formatting & caps).

My mum is 78. She had her drink spiked when she was 17. Her legs went numb and 2 men put her in their car and drove to the middle of nowhere. She (and her friend) threatened to throw themselves out of the moving car. They were dropped off.

Haddaway !

Yes pet ;)

So now IYO I'm responsible for other people's thought processes ?

Really?

Are you OK ?

Dear me, and I thought you were all for taking a degree of responsibility for yourself, not pushing it onto other people ;)

fwiw, yes, you really do come across as victim blaming. And deliberately so.

Of course it's horrific.

Of course it's not attempted murder.

And of course it's very difficult to police. How would you go about tracing the perpetrators.

As PPs have said, spiking can happen anywhere. The perpetrator can be anyone. The victim can be anyone.

I'm guessing you dont know the 'man in a gorilla suit' reference. Everyone thinks they would spot him, only around 50% do.

Why? There's no evidence of that. It's enormously unlikely, and.irrelevant to this case.

Hi Op I do hope your DD and her friend recover quickly. Also hoping the man gets caught and locked up. This is a very upsetting situation.

Follow up all possibilities with Police.

Insist that they also investigate fully from where the bar buys it's alcohol.
It could be cheap, illegal alcohol like that which is served in SE Asia.

In New Zealand there was a high profile case of spiking over several years by two bar owner brothers who drugged and sexually assaulted 23 women. That’s 23 KNOWN women: there will be more.

https://www.stuff.co.nz/national/crime/132804990/how-a-group-of-women-confronted-the-mama-hooch-rapists-and-took-back-control

@Catiette Reading this, I’m imagining Suzy as either sitting with her back to the wall with Jack Reacher levels of dangerous alertness, or as Mr Bean crouched anxiously around a glass.

Congratulations on your vivid imagination, you're wasted here, you should be in print !

But to suggest that what you can do goes so far as to virtually eliminate risk is not just naive/arrogant, but a bit of an irresponsible message to put out there.

I don't think I actually said that.

I don't go to pubs & clubs and the only bars I go near are in hotels (very occasionally) or restaurants where I am known.
I can't speak for other people.

I'm very confident that I would notice a man in a gorilla suit.

OP, I’m so sorry and hope your daughter recovers fully in every sense. This was not her fault in the slightest degree. Obviously. No wonder you’re shaken - try to take some time to look after yourself as well as her, if possible, as you process this.

Reading this, I’m imagining Suzy as either sitting with her back to the wall with Jack Reacher levels of dangerous alertness, or as Mr Bean crouched anxiously around a glass.

Unless your evening involves staring dolefully into a glass with no interest in your surroundings or interaction at all, even for a minute… you’re susceptible.

Of course you can do a lot to reduce risk. That should go without saying.

But to suggest that what you can do goes so far as to virtually eliminate risk is not just naive/arrogant, but a bit of an irresponsible message to put out there.

Read about attentional blindness - Google “the invisible gorilla”. Never assume virtual infallibility. My goodness, we’re the total opposite - astonishingly, terrifyingly blind to what’s before our very noses, even as we think we’re looking. We don’t think we’re not noticing… because we’re not noticing that we’re not noticing - something of a catch 22!

@JMSA You might be a pro at avoiding being spiked, but it seems your empathy has gone the same way.

What's that supposed to mean ?

Well, bully for you 🙄

You might be a pro at avoiding being spiked, but it seems your empathy has gone the same way.

OP, really hope your daughter makes a speedy recovery x

I just looked this up, sorry. It was in the works but the company changed to little test strips instead which you can take out with you, because the nail varnish wasn't reliable enough. Knew I didn't make it up!
Hope your daughter is OK op.