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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want MIL to stop doing our laundry?

289 replies

HannahR21 · 23/07/2026 13:34

MIL is here every other Tuesday looking after our toddler whilst we both work. She is really helpful, and tries to do stuff round the house. Recently, she has started putting washes on. I find this a step too far - the first time this happened, there wasn’t a great deal of washing in our basket - it would have fit in one wash. She left one item in the basket which was a rather ‘risque’ all in one bedroom outfit of mine if you get what I mean. She had obviously seen it, and decided to leave it (and nothing else) in the basket.

DH says she’s being helpful and it saves me a job so I should be grateful. I find it..invasive? Fully appreciate it may be a ‘me’ issue but thought it’d get some impartial views.

OP posts:
CloudPop · 23/07/2026 15:23

LoafofSellotape · 23/07/2026 14:29

Mother in laws can't win,can they?

Maybe mothers in law should ask/agree what they are going to help out with ? “Anything else I can help out with while I’m here? Can I throw a load of laundry on?”

OneNewLeader · 23/07/2026 15:22

LadyUrsula · 23/07/2026 13:45

Thank her profusely for everything she does and keep your risque items out of the laundry basket.

This.

Purplevioletblu · 23/07/2026 15:16

I think it's intrusive. My MIL would come into our house when we were on holiday and do our washing, so intrusive going through my underwear. I would just politely ask her not to.

thepariscrimefiles · 23/07/2026 15:16

HannahR21 · 23/07/2026 13:37

I’ve asked DH to, he won’t as says she’s doing me a favour and it would be awkward to bring up, he just suggested I don’t leave anything in there I wouldn’t want her to wash so remove it the night before.

Why does your husband say that his mum is doing you a favour? Does he think that the washing is your job, even though you are both working?

Telling your MIL to stop doing the washing would come better from him. She is much more likely to take offence or be upset if you speak to her about it rather than her son.

LostNFoundSV · 23/07/2026 15:16

Whenever I stay with DS, I like to help with housework but always ask him and DDIL first. I even check if it’s okay to bring in dry washing in case it would be seen as invasive. I’d hate my MIL to touch anything of mine! (She has history for poking around and using things up or ruining things!)

UpDownAllAround1 · 23/07/2026 15:15

Only if she hangs it up and irons it

BowlingSunflowers · 23/07/2026 15:15

My Mum used to come to my house every week and she asked me right from the start what she could do that would help me. She did not just start riffling through dirty clothing baskets. Some people are fine with someone touching their underwear, I am not.

It isn't helping if it makes you unhappy. But you do have a Dh problem that he would rather see you pissed off than tell his mother not to do the laundry. Yes she is trying to help but that help needs to be agreed beforehand.

If he won't tell her then inform him that you will tell her yourself.

ginasevern · 23/07/2026 15:15

@Cherrysoup "Can you allocate other jobs"

Dear lord, she's doing the OP a huge favour with childcare and other household jobs, probably all free of charge. She's the child's actual grandmother not a scullery maid.

malefields · 23/07/2026 15:15

LoafofSellotape · 23/07/2026 14:29

Mother in laws can't win,can they?

She could easily have asked OP instead of just assuming tho.

pinkyredrose · 23/07/2026 15:14

DH says she’s being helpful and it saves me a job so I should be grateful.

Your husband doesn't do laundry then?

YANBU, not many people want thier Mil's poking around in thier dirty washing.

Calliopespa · 23/07/2026 15:12

viques · 23/07/2026 15:10

To be fair, if the OP doesn’t want her MIL to wash her risqué underwear I don’t think she’ll want her trimming her bush.

(I don’t have a coat, it’s warm , but I will leave)

I don’t think she’ll want her trimming her bush.

Or vacuuming it ...

Calliopespa · 23/07/2026 15:11

YorkshireIndie · 23/07/2026 15:08

I would get a mesh bag and put your underwear/delicates in that and ask her not to wash those items. She probably thinks she is helping out.

This is quite a good idea - though I would personally get two baskets, and put towels etc that are quite sturdy in one for washing and put my blouses and things that I would be cross if they got knocked about in the other.

Then you can just be honest and say something like "It was so lovely to come home to find you had done the laundry the other day. I'm not expecting you to, but if you do look to do some again, could you please do the stuff in X basket; the Y basket I prefer to process myself."

That lets her help without rejecting her efforts - and in that circumstance it actually IS helpful surely?

viques · 23/07/2026 15:10

7238SM · 23/07/2026 14:31

I don't understand how YOU op, as a grown woman can't speak to her yourself?
'Barbara, please don't do our laundry. If you are looking for a way to help, I'd appreciate you vacuuming/mopping/trimming the bushes or whatever'.

This would drive me nuts and I'd feel it really oversteps a personal line. I wouldn't want her touching the old bloomers I wear when on my period for example!

To be fair, if the OP doesn’t want her MIL to wash her risqué underwear I don’t think she’ll want her trimming her bush.

(I don’t have a coat, it’s warm , but I will leave)

YorkshireIndie · 23/07/2026 15:08

I would get a mesh bag and put your underwear/delicates in that and ask her not to wash those items. She probably thinks she is helping out.

Loulou4022 · 23/07/2026 15:05

ThisOneLife · 23/07/2026 15:01

I should have realised!
Fabric softener is disgusting stuff.

I use it on other stuff or the laundry santiser on my work clothes when I’ve been sneezed and snotted on at work but I’m very precious about my face cloths

TheyGrewUp · 23/07/2026 15:04

I've been married for 35 years. MIL never found the kettle. I'd get in from work/shopping to be told FIL needed a cup.of tea!

ThisOneLife · 23/07/2026 15:04

CreativeGreen · 23/07/2026 14:58

So if he, a grown man, is worried he might have to do some laundry, it's valid for him to prefer his mum comes round and does it instead?

Madness.

Hrs not bothered so has no need to speak to MIL about it. It’s not his problem.

She’s bothered so she can speak to MIL.

Simples.

Calliopespa · 23/07/2026 15:04

Yes, laundry is a bit close for comfort (though my laundry pile is rather more prosaic, so fine to send her round here ...)

But, seriously, I'd prefer to choose the temperature etc.

ThisOneLife · 23/07/2026 15:01

Loulou4022 · 23/07/2026 14:51

Face cloths sorry it auto corrected. The things you wash your face with. I’ve got muslin ones and Terry towelling ones. I’ve got mega reactive skin and don’t like fabric softener on them.

I should have realised!
Fabric softener is disgusting stuff.

CreativeGreen · 23/07/2026 14:58

Greenleavesandsunshine · 23/07/2026 14:54

Or DH wants the laundry done and he’s allowed to have an opinion in his own home about a job he might have to do. You may not want someone else doing your laundry, fine, the OP may not want it and that’s fine too, but if the OPs DH wants his own mother to his laundry to save him a job he’s not allowed to think that?
Madness.

So if he, a grown man, is worried he might have to do some laundry, it's valid for him to prefer his mum comes round and does it instead?

Madness.

JoshLymanSwagger · 23/07/2026 14:57

Greenleavesandsunshine · 23/07/2026 14:54

Or DH wants the laundry done and he’s allowed to have an opinion in his own home about a job he might have to do. You may not want someone else doing your laundry, fine, the OP may not want it and that’s fine too, but if the OPs DH wants his own mother to his laundry to save him a job he’s not allowed to think that?
Madness.

A grown man can't work out how to put some dirty clothes in a machine with a pod and hit "GO"? 🤯

fromgothtoboss · 23/07/2026 14:55

yanbu to be uncomfortable with it but I’d personally love this 😅

Greenleavesandsunshine · 23/07/2026 14:54

MaidOfSteel · 23/07/2026 14:45

Does your wimpy husband often back mummy over you? That would be worrying if so.

I wouldn’t want anyone else doing my laundry, or even my ironing. In your position I’d be very unhappy that my husband was too wet to bring up the subject with his mother, as you have reasonably requested, so I’d probably speak to her myself, letting her know I appreciated that she was finding things to do, but please leave the laundry alone.

Or DH wants the laundry done and he’s allowed to have an opinion in his own home about a job he might have to do. You may not want someone else doing your laundry, fine, the OP may not want it and that’s fine too, but if the OPs DH wants his own mother to his laundry to save him a job he’s not allowed to think that?
Madness.

LilyLemonade · 23/07/2026 14:54

Just tell her that is very kind and you appreciate her help but for the laundry you prefer to take care of it yourself.

CreativeGreen · 23/07/2026 14:52

Also to blazes with all the 'MILs can't win' business. I've yet to see a thread saying 'AIBU to be annoyed that MIL didn't go into my room and locate the laundry I didn't specify I wanted washing and do it anyway?'