To want MIL to stop doing our laundry?

If your husband thinks it's helpful to you but it's not help that you want, why doesn't he tell her which one of his chores to do instead?

Why does it so often seem to be laundry that is done?

Because it's relatively easy to do?

For those saying the OP shouldn’t say anything, do you just do somebody’s laundry when you go into their house without asking if it is okay

Helping is only helping if you don’t mind somebody doing it. I would hate this too. Is there something else you wouldn’t mind her doing if she wants to help.

If she continues to do it if you ask her not to, that is really rude.

Take your husband's advice, it's spot on. So many posters on here complain about in-laws that come round and have to be waited on hand and foot. Your MIL sounds lovely and helpful, appreciate her! Just don't leave anything you don't want her to see in the laundry basket.

I too would find that intrusive.

Who wants their MIL handling their used knickers! Particularly the risque item... hopefully she was more embarrassed than you were.

Perhaps juat say, "I appreciate you trying to help but theres no need to do laundry when you're here, thanks"

Nah. Start buying sexy and silly men’s underwear. Boxers with elephant trunks. Mankinis. Lace boxers. Men’s thongs.

his and hers silky short robes. With initials on so no mistaking who they belong to.

the odd gimp mask.

Rubber long johns.

she’ll soon stop touching the basket.

does DH have any hobby gear he’s leecuous about? Several subtle suggestions about how you can never get around to cleaning it…

make it a problem for him.

Yeah....I wouldn't be wearing any outfits until my husband had my back.

My ex did the same while we were abroad staying with his parents. I refused to have sex with him until he'd put a stop to his mum having any contact with the "evidence". No bigger turn off than knowing his mum was going through my pants.

Since it is your house though I think you could say to your mil "thank you for being so helpful while you're here to watch DC but please don't do our laundry again" It's your house, you don't need to justify yourself.

Your husband is a twat and I agree that it is invasive.
Could you have a seperate laundry basket in your room for underwear and let her crack on, if it is helpful.

Otherwise just ask her to leave it.
Your husband is a twat.

Yeah just tell her 'please don't touch my laundry. It was clear you saw my negligee and discarded it as it clearly goes on a delicate wash. Which is very observant. But there really is no need and we'd rather you left it.'

If she won't, put laundry basket in your room and lock the door!

My MIL did/does this. She has a near zero privacy threshold and she's baffled at mine. I asked her: "Thank you, but I prefer to do my laundry myself". She asked me to explain why? She didn't understand. I had to "explain myself". Which I found incredibly frustrating. Why should I have to explain why I don't want my laundry done for me? I just DON'T. It's also frustrating the people here being dismissive. I had this with my friends. I guess some of them don't mind. I absolutely DO. We are all different. Why is that so hard to comprehend?! I had to start digging within myself to find reasons to EXPLAIN why I don't want my laundry done. Maybe I have some past childhood experiences? Maybe my mother was unusual? Maybe it was that camp I stayed over? My strict babysitter? For something so basic, so fundamental, as not wanting my laundry done.

I asked my MIL to stop. She thought I was being silly ( her words : "I don't mind - i've seen it all before") and kept on doing the laundry. So yes, now I have to make sure I do my laundry before she comes, or hide the laundry basket. Which I find INCREDIBLY irritating.

Exactly, so she should stop doing the bloody laundry then! Allocating other jobs would be as a way of making her too busy to do laundry whilst avoiding the awkwardness of having to confront her over her entitled behaviour. It's not a favour if the person doesn't want you to do it. If someone's babysitting for me, I expect them to watch TV or read a book when not dealing with DC and to clean up any mess they make themselves but not to do housework. If I wanted a "scullery maid" I'd employ one!

Oh I've been there OP. My MIL used to let our dogs out a couple of days a week and she would take the washing to her house and bring it back 2 days later in a black bag and stinking of cigarette smoke. I used to re-wash it all myself. She shrunk my hand wash only jumper one day and after that I told her to not take my washing again. I also had a DH problem 🤣

Sure they can. By being polite, asking before doing anything potentially invasive (if they wouldn't do it if visiting their boss's house, then it's potentially invasive) instead of making assumptions that it's helpful, and generally thinking before acting. There's nothing nice about taking over someone's life, or aspects of it, without being asked/asking yourself.

OP, if you don't want to say anything I'd get a solid-colour plastic box or wooden toy box with lid, put it in your bedroom and designate that as your laundry basket. DH and DC laundry can go in the regular basket and she can wash that if DH is fine with it and thinks it's helpful.

If MIL is one of those with a huge sense of entitlement who'd not take the hint and would go looking for your laundry, you can leave a note inside saying "piss off and stop being so nosey looking through all my stuff, you rude cow". Yes it's rude, but she won't even see it unless she's poking around in random boxes, so she can hardly call you out on it without confessing that's exactly what she's been doing! Sometimes rudeness is the only thing these types understand and you should then find the behaviour finally stops.

I’m a MIL. Personally I wouldn’t dream of doing their washing. I’m sure she just wants to help but just tell her politely that you would rather do your own laundry.

I’d hate this too. I don’t actually mind laundry, am very organised with it and would hate someone to throw my timetable out or wash at a higher temp than needed. (I’m not weird about anything else just very particular about laundry!)

Tell her you prefer to do it yourself. Under no circumstances do what others have suggested and start avoiding putting things in your own laundry basket.

Get a separate small wash bag for your own lingerie keep that where she won’t see it & leave her to crack on with the laundry i think

look forward to her thread asking why DiL has decided to go commando in a few weeks ☺️

If OP were complaining about MIL not doing chores whilst doing childcare, you might have a point. But doing someone a favour doesn't mean you get to intrude in the rest of their life without so much as asking.

I wouldn't like any random chore to be done by my MIL, mum or dad without me checking first. FIL is on the permanent "no" list after several offences (ripping out much loved plants, breaking things and generally being an arse to me and MIL when we were moving in).

Sure they can. Don’t treat your adult child’s house as if you are in charge of it. Respect the adults who are actually in charge of it. (Just as you would in any other home)

Offer help by all means, but accept your D.C, DIL or SIL’s boundaries.

It’s absolutely not complicated.

Put the laundry in a bin bag in the boot of the car when you leave.

Just leave your dildo on top of the pile next time….😏

Just tell her to leave the washing as you prefer to do it yourself.

Tell DH he is free to do his own washing and obviously risque outfits for the bedroom will no longer be on the menu as you don’t have privacy in your laundry basket.

Is there something else (ironing?) which you could ask to do in preference if she has some spare time during the day? Otherwise you would presumably rather she spent the time with the toddler.

I totally understand where you are coming from. My mother in law used to throw our clothes into the laundry when we were staying with her. I know she was doing it to be helpful, but I found her coming into the room we were staying in to gather up our dirty laundry extremely invasive. When we have guests staying with us, the spare room is exclusively theirs, and I will always respect their privacy and not enter the room. I would also expect that anyone in my house would not enter my bedroom unless invited to do so. It's a massive invasion of privacy. Do you leave your bedroom door closed when you're not there?

When she gets there/you're leaving just call out "Don't worry about the laundry by the way, I'll do it in the morning/tonight etc".
It's really not that much of a big deal but I'm sure she will get the hint you don't like it though.

Yeah seriously - just don't leave your glittery nipple clamps in the laundry basket. There. Problem solved.

Perfect