To want MIL to stop doing our laundry?

I’d love someone (anyone!!) to do my washing…and preferably ironing/putting away as well! Honestly, not even joking…if I had a MIL who did this every week, I’d be so grateful!

My MIL (RIP) used to do this for me…I teach primary so work bloody long hours! It was genuinely a god send!

She would also clean around and tidy the children’s rooms…💖💖

Saying this…if you don’t like it OP just tell her 🤷‍♀️

To be fair to MIL that outfit you refer to (see photo) are notoriously difficult to launder so it is probably best she didn't attempt it.

If they shrink you can end up with a nasty crick in your neck just putting it on - so a friend tells me.

A total invasion of privacy. And she may not wash things as you want either.

My point of view is that I wouldn't care.
My mum used to do this for me about 30 years ago. She is a grown women, she's not going to get embarrassed over a few throngs and an Anne Sumers or similar outfit.
That and other jobs were really helpful to me and dh.
I could do with the help again to be honest!

It's not though. If it was just jeans and t-shirts is one thing...but it's risque sexy lingerie too. I wouldn't want anyone handling my used knickers, I do think that's quite intrusive!

Why are people trying to make this a DH problem? He is happy to have her do his laundry. You don't want yours done OP, so you tell her. How can this be difficult? If you don't want her to even see yours, could you ask DH to put his on top of the machine for her?

I’m sure you felt mortified but you have no reason to be. How would your MIL have got your DH if she doesn’t know what goes on in bedrooms?? Easy solution: keep your bedroom outfits aside in a little bag in your wardrobe and wash them yourself. Leave the tamer items in the laundry basket. You’re a lucky woman having a MIL that does all this - don’t lose it over some misplaced embarrassment.

Haha. Sounds rather like a male colleague I had working abroad who ended up hiding his laundry from his own housekeeper after she put his tweed jacket in the washer. Him being male, she wouldn't acknowledge his authority.

I would pay someone to do that if it meant I didn't have to do laundry! MiL doing it for free - my heroine! Big bunch of flowers and a bottle of wine every so often by way of thanks.

You need to tell her if he won’t. I am sure you can find a diplomatic way to phrase it.

But then that is adding to OP’s workload if she has to sort something before MIL comes, which again isn’t helping. My MIL irons underwear, I would find it really uncomfortable if she ironed my pants.

No, saves me a job. It's just worn clothes, everyone has them.

Assuming she isn't bad at the laundry, if you're able to "just get over it" your life will be kind of better. So I would suggest that's worth a try. There really isn't much reason to be bothered that she's seen your laundry, it's just fabric with some dirt on. Even the underwear is just that.

I'm not sure if you're bothered about MiL having seen the lingerie, or that she decided not to wash it leaving just one thing for you. If the former, I'd suggest keeping a separate laundry bag for stuff you'd feel shy about her seeing. If the latter, next time breezily say "Oh the lingerie can go in the machine, MiL. Thanks so much for helping out."

But if you can't get over it, just tell her you'd rather she didn't do it. Thank her for trying to be helpful. Say it just doesn't feel right to have someone else going through your smalls, though you know she's seen it all before. Suggest, if she can fit it in instead, that she has a cup of tea and a biscuit and enjoys a few moments of quiet, since she's already doing so much for you.

I’d really hate this. Your husband should speak to her really but as he won’t, I’d just say thanks very much but please don’t do the laundry as you’re going to do it later. Have another chore to offer in case she pushes back.

Ah I could have written this myself - same problem. Everyone thinks it’s wonderful until it happens to you. My MIL washes, but everything is put on a 20 min cycle, with no temperature and, unsurprisingly, everything comes out still dirty. She then hangs it up and puts it away (ignoring my children in the process, so I end up being called down from my office by my children to help them). I’ve asked her not to do it, she does it anyway (her response is always but I’m just trying to help). I’ve hidden our washing, she has found it, I’ve hidden the pegs she’s interrupted a work call to ask where the pegs are and wouldn’t leave until I gave a detailed explanation - then processed to ask why I’d put them there. It’s exhausting. Maybe if she washed them ok, I’d be fine, but the fact they come out dirty drives me bananas.

When I read threads like this I often wonder if the Royal family give any thought to who might be handling their smalls. I can’t imagine that they do any of their own laundry. I occasionally put a wash on and tidy round for my DS and DIL when they are at work. They don’t mind. However some people are very particular about how their laundry is done. If OP doesn’t want anyone else washing her all in one sex outfit that’s up to her. Oh sorry just realised that wasn’t what got washed.

I would love someone to do my ironing, in fact don't some people pay for this as a service.?

It's not entitled behaviour if the person doesn't know they're "doing wrong". And I'd hardly call doing someone else's laundry entitled. Misguided in this instance yes, but entitled. I mean really? And the MIL is offering childcare not babysitting, thus enabling the OP and her DH to go to work. The word "entitled" has reached new levels of absurdity.

Well I'm on the fence here (which is unusual for me).

I can see why you find it invasive, but I also think you should take all the help you can get (assuming of course that she isn't ruining clothes in the process).

Could you sort the laundry before she comes and give her a clear instruction, like "if you have time to put this wash on that would be really helpful, but please don't add anything to it"?

You seriously wouldn't have an issue with your mother in law coming into your bedroom when you weren't there, and rifling through your dirty washing?

So do you just rifle through someone else’s laundry basket without asking

What's the problem? It's just clothes.

Just say I really appreciate your help but I’d rather do the washing. Really not a big deal.

It’s nice she feels at home but that’s taking it too far for my liking. I would hate someone going through my laundry, feels a bit weird

DH says what?! Er, no, if someone is doing something in your home you don't like, didn't ask for and isn't necessary then of course she is not being helpful. How odd that he'd even try to make that claim.

Does he often lie to you about people's behaviour and minimise your completely normal reactions to people overstepping? Or is he just a mummy's boy?