To want MIL to stop doing our laundry?

It oversteps a boundary for me.

My exMIL once forced herself past me because she didn’t believe I had no washing for her 😂 exH didn’t see the issue.

She did it for control, and I had a H problem.

Your poor MIL is trying to do a nice thing.

It's not a nice thing if Op (who does the laundry) doesn't want it doing.

Could you and DH have separate laundry baskets so your dirty washing can be left for you, but she can do his and any DCs?

As a MIL myself, I’d be happy to do what your MIL is doing especially when it’ll dry outside in no time, but I’d feel awkward washing DILs things (especially underwear) and I know she’d hate it. So a basket each seems a decent compromise especially if DH will help out by doing yours sometimes. This way you all get help but MIL isn’t rummaging around with your knickers!

...neatly disregarding he's claiming it's saving OP a job, not him, as though it's not his very own dirty laundry.

Who’d be a MIL? Another post would read “She’s round ours all day-she might at least put a wash on!”

My gran was like this. I moaned at the time but now she’s gone, I bloody miss her and her unconditional help.

Let her carry on, you might feel differently in a few years time.

Yanbu god I would hate ANYONE touching my washing. As much as I moan about everything I have to do, I would not like for anybody else to do it. It's mine to do; certainly not my MILs.

Sorry, why is she saving YOU a job, and not your husband? You both work.

The OP finds it intrusive. That’s the crux of it. She does not need to justify or explain anything more of her private life.

No, we should accept them doing anything they want so they can win.

Your DH said it ‘saves you a job’? 😯

And does he wear special sex clothes too?

Your poor MIL is trying to do a nice thing. She is not the problem here. I would be more bothered about a man who hasn’t reached the 21st century yet.

I am a MIL and would never take my DIL's underwear out of the linen basket and put a wash on. Don't think I would do my son in law's either its too personal.

I would tell her no aswell!

I absolutely hate the invasion and do not want anyone else doing my washing - I’m a grown up and can manage it perfectly well.

Your husband needs a backbone

The men who rifle through laundry baskets tend not to do the washing so you're less likely to know!

Why a huge invasion? Just curious.

But people shouldn’t have to hide things. MIL (or DM) should be respectful of people’s homes. Ask first before rifling through laundry baskets. As can be seen by this thread some are fine with it others not. So find out first. And all because you are fine with it doesn’t mean any future relatives of yours will be fine with it. Can see some future MILs riding roughshod over DIL’s feelings.

And funny that it is rarely men who rifle through laundry baskets at other people’s houses

I now have to do my DM’s laundry as she is too infirm to do it now. But I tell her when I am doing it and what I am washing. If she is having a good day I let her sort her underwear and put it away as I am sure she would rather do that.

I'd hate it. To even get to our laundry basket, someone would need to go upstairs and through our bedroom which just feels like personal space so a no go for visitors.

As PP said, it's not a favour if you don't want the help. Sounds like your husband just doesn't want to have the chat since it makes no difference to him who does the washing.

On a side note, as a mum of two toddlers, I'm impressed by all these women that can get chores done whilst looking after kids 🤣 I've obviously got some things to work on before I'm a gran!

I’m with you OP. Had exactly the same with my MIL nearly 30 years ago when she would look after DD one day a week (at her insistence) and decide she simply must rifle through our laundry baskets and hang our underpants over the radiators to dry.

We used to hide the laundry baskets in closed wardrobes etc but she still found them. DP had words as he didn’t like it either and she would stop for a few weeks and then carry on as if completely oblivious to us telling her we didn’t like her doing it. Ended up falling out with her and she didn’t speak to us for several years oh dear never mind.

Just have to hide precious clothing. My DM once completely shrank an Angora jumper, wouldn’t even fit a teddy bear! 😢

@HannahR21 just tell her not to as you find it invasive and that you appreciate she's trying to help but it isn't

If laundry is in your part of the chore division, you get to decide how and when its done. Also you get to talk to your Mil.

Mine did this and commented on how she couldn’t tell my pants apart from the baby vests! In front of everyone! I laughed it off but come on, I was post-partum and I didn’t ask her to sort my pants. (In her defence they were enormous. She is generally lovely.)

Ah I can always rely on you @TwoLeftSocksWithHoles to give me a laugh😂I really didn’t want to admit to not knowing what an all in one sex outfit is. Thanks for enlightening me.

It goes beyond “bedroom outfits” though. I think nice underwear is important, and l spend a lot on it, but not for a MIL to see.

We're obviously very different people then! I would find it a huge invasion of privacy.