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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to feel annoyed when my mother hijacks family meal plans?

34 replies

Pamalamb · 23/07/2026 10:44

I think I may be being spoilt here but I am not sure.

My DM is quite controlling and makes a huge fuss when entertaining. It became so bad (stress and alcohol) that we have broadly moved away from events in DMs house and have them in our homes. For context she is 76 and alone so isn’t really able for it either. However she always insists on bringing something for the meal that creates a massive fuss or is completely not in line with what the host might be preparing.

For example, this weekend I’m having family. I had planned salads and perhaps some chicken and barbecued steak as part of the meal. My intention was to put everything on the island and let everyone help themselves. DM is now insisting on bringing curry. There is no talking to her and these will need to be he said and if they’re not served to her liking there will be a massive fuss. She does this kind of thing all the time, brings desserts that need to be assembled and then make a massive fuss about it completely stressing out the host.

AIBU to be annoyed by that the meal is being highjacked by what DM wants to serve? I know it’s nice to have help but the idea was that this might be a relaxed day

OP posts:
SoBoredOfSelfDoubtHowToGetOut · 23/07/2026 11:21

Stop giving her any oxygen. If she brings food she has to sort it out. She’s looking for drama so don’t give it to her if it affects you adversely.

Preppingforsummer · 23/07/2026 11:19

Just carry on as you were. 'That's your department Mum, we have plenty of food anyway'.

NewDogOwner · 23/07/2026 11:15

Agree with putting in in the fridge but you could say this will be great for tomorrow. You're a star, mum,

BeeCucumber · 23/07/2026 10:58

Carry on regardless. Prepare the food and leave it on the island. Walk away from your mother if she starts fussing. She needs an audience for her drama, so don’t give her any attention.

7238SM · 23/07/2026 10:53

This would drive me nuts. I'd:

-Not invite her to some events. Do you EVER get to host without her there?
-Take the curry, thank her, and stick it in the freezer to be used another day. when she asks about it, remind her that you'd already asked her to not bring anything.

SoScarletItWas · 23/07/2026 10:52

Let her sort it then. Your stuff sounds prepared in advance or done on the bbq so she can be in the kitchen with her curry while everyone is outside with the bbq. Same when she brings desserts that need assembling - she does it.

If there’s no space that she can do this, in the fridge and she takes it home.

You can relax and let her get on with it.

MzHz · 23/07/2026 10:49

curry, let her.

she wants the drama, don’t give it to her.

anything involving a faff, stick it in the fridge and tell her you have it covered already and not to bother with it. She can take it home again.

Potooooooooes · 23/07/2026 10:47

This is where you have to repeat to her no need to bring anything, put her offerings in the fridge as she brought them anyway, close your ears to the wails and send her away with them at the end.

StormInaDcup99 · 23/07/2026 10:47

I'd just set them out with everything else.....don't buy into her fuss, and if she complains say ...'oh dear mum......sorry about that'.

But would it annoy me? Yes...but id try not to show it (easier said than done!)