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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to consider leaving our knitting group over its new policy?

691 replies

Solentseeker · 22/07/2026 22:43

I’m in a women’s knitting group. It started as just a group of friends and extended from there. We meet twice weekly in an hall that has to be booked and paid for and go on trips etc so it has become more formal over time and has a treasurer, secretary, social secretary etc. I and two other friends were founder members but we take a back seat in the organisation now. We attract lots of younger members (30-somethings!) which is great. I (early 60s) love socialising with people, hearing their views etc.

The new chairman (woman) has recently decided that we should announce that we are ‘trans friendly’ and try to attract trans women and non-binary people. Apart from the fact that I don’t know what non-binary people are other than people who don’t sign up to gender stereotypes (most of the women currently in the group don’t go in for nails / make up / fake tan etc anyway so what’s the difference?) I don’t want men in the group, trans identifying or otherwise. I’ve been sexually assaulted a few times in my lifetime, as has another of the founder members. We’ve also always appreciated having a space away from the male gaze and voice, where women can have their voice centre stage for once. I know a number of the current members are also extremely concerned about this new push and would feel pushed out too if any men join.

I have no desire to ‘out’ myself as a ‘TERF’ by complaining or pushing back as it would in their eyes make me a ‘bad’ person and I always try to do good by everyone. I just disagree wholeheartedly with the idea that men should be treated as women because they say so. It seems so seething misogynistic. I’m deeply sad about the whole situation and think I’m going to have to leave the club, because the current chairman seems to stand for things that I don’t. I appreciate women’s rights and they don’t seem to give a fig. What do politics have to do with knitting? Do I just leave? Do I wait and see whether any men try to join before leaving? I can’t be arsed to fight back even though I would have a LOT of (currently silent) supporters.

OP posts:
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5
Theunamedcat · 23/07/2026 09:11

Men are allowed exclusively men only clubs no-one is demanding access for transmen maybe because transmen are born women and often dont have the entitlement gene

Tinks2026 · 23/07/2026 09:11

Theunamedcat · 23/07/2026 09:08

Biological the word your looking for is Biological

Cis is a slur doesn't matter who it's aimed at

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Cis is indeed a vile slur. I prefer to say "actual men" and "men who pretend to be women" if I really need to clarify.

Tinks2026 · 23/07/2026 09:09

Solentseeker · 23/07/2026 09:03

No because the difference is that they’re being admitted because all men are being admitted, not because they’re ‘women’.

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So when you said you don't want to be around men in your group, that means all men? Not just men who use the word "transwomen" to decribe men?

You said you wanted away from the male gaze, presumably that includes men who admit they are men not just "transwomen" who pretend not to be men - but are.

Theunamedcat · 23/07/2026 09:08

saraclara · 23/07/2026 08:34

I hate the cis thing, but I needed to use it here for clarity.

Show quote history

Biological the word your looking for is Biological

Cis is a slur doesn't matter who it's aimed at

Original poster
Solentseeker · 23/07/2026 09:07

Cosyblankets · 23/07/2026 09:03

No it doesn't help because she said it's fine to invite men.
Read her posts
HTH

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Fine to invite men if you invite ALL men.

OP posts:
Promisingtree · 23/07/2026 09:06

I wouldn't expect a random man or trans woman in a knitting group to assault anyone. I would expect that it would change the dynamics of the group and there's a strong chance the conversation will be centred around them.

Tinks2026 · 23/07/2026 09:06

Ladyfromthehill · 23/07/2026 09:05

ALso very unlikely that some random man will want to join a group to s*xually assault someone under the pretext they want to come and do some knitting.

OP, there is so much vilifying of trans people out there, really OP, they are not out there to get you.

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Why are you telling women they have to have their groups infiltrated by men? How long has the internalised misogyny been this severe?

Tinks2026 · 23/07/2026 09:05

Cosyblankets · 23/07/2026 09:03

No it doesn't help because she said it's fine to invite men.
Read her posts
HTH

Show quote history

I did. And I was replying to yours, quite correctly.

And have asked her to clarify if she would join the mixed sex group if they are calling themselves men and not "transwomen" which is 100% the same thing as a man.

If so, OP's a moron. A man by any other name is just a man.

Ladyfromthehill · 23/07/2026 09:05

NullaEffugium · 22/07/2026 23:01

I don’t understand why a hobby group like knitting has to be reserved for one sex only. This is no different from golf clubs refusing to admit women because of a long history of them being men’s clubs. I happen to have known several men who could knit, hand embroider, cross stitch and crochet. Who do you think knitted fish nets and designed fisherman jumpers of Scotland? Men.

Sorry, I think you are being unreasonable to exclude any human being from the hobby of knitting due to their sex.

ALso very unlikely that some random man will want to join a group to s*xually assault someone under the pretext they want to come and do some knitting.

OP, there is so much vilifying of trans people out there, really OP, they are not out there to get you.

Cosyblankets · 23/07/2026 09:03

Tinks2026 · 23/07/2026 09:00

"transmen" are 100% exactly the same thing as women.

She objects to "transwomen" who are 100% exactly the same as men being in a women's group.

HTH.

Show quote history

No it doesn't help because she said it's fine to invite men.
Read her posts
HTH

Original poster
Solentseeker · 23/07/2026 09:03

Tinks2026 · 23/07/2026 09:02

Would you go though if they make it a mixed sex group?

To be clear, that is exactly what is being proposed because "transwomen" are just men.

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No because the difference is that they’re being admitted because all men are being admitted, not because they’re ‘women’.

OP posts:
palorina · 23/07/2026 09:03

Definitely needs a vote, and a heads up to the Chairman about the law.

Anyway, if this goes ahead I know where I'd be sticking my knitting needles and it wouldn't be into a ball of wool.

Original poster
Solentseeker · 23/07/2026 09:02

Cosyblankets · 23/07/2026 08:58

So it's fine to invite men and you're OK with transmen but not ok with transwomen?
Am I getting this right?

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Yes. Trans men are women. They’re welcome in a women’s group.

OP posts:
Tinks2026 · 23/07/2026 09:02

Solentseeker · 23/07/2026 08:54

If we make a rule change and invite all
men that’s fine. It’s being expected to endorse the frankly pretty distasteful lie that women hood is nothing but a wig and a frock and calling yourself Susan.

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Would you go though if they make it a mixed sex group?

To be clear, that is exactly what is being proposed because "transwomen" are just men.

Secretseverywhere · 23/07/2026 09:01

Didn’t this come out the FWS case, groups can be single sex or mixed but not single sex plus a few members of opposite sex who identify as something other than biological sex.

I think I’d gently point this out and suggest a vote on whether it should be mixed or remain as women only.

I do think there are plenty of groups that are single sex when could easily be mixed but aren’t due to members preference. I think OP has had a hard time on this point.

Tinks2026 · 23/07/2026 09:00

Cosyblankets · 23/07/2026 08:58

So it's fine to invite men and you're OK with transmen but not ok with transwomen?
Am I getting this right?

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"transmen" are 100% exactly the same thing as women.

She objects to "transwomen" who are 100% exactly the same as men being in a women's group.

HTH.

HarshbutTrue2 · 23/07/2026 09:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

It's a stupid woke idea. I'm fed up of stupid woke ideas.

It's highly unlikely that there are many transgender knitter nearby.

There may be some male knitters. Think Tom Daley (gay). Would he be welcome at the knitting club? Gays are usually good company.

Or, is it the female space thing? It's lovely to have 'female' conversations without any males in the group. I totally understand that. I once worked somewhere with a couple of males. We always had to be oh so prim and proper. As were the bloody males, conversations were always oh so polite, and trivial. Opinions not allowed. When it was just females and the males weren't there conversations were much more raucous and wwe had a good laugh.

Tinks2026 · 23/07/2026 08:59

SeaAndSangria · 23/07/2026 08:51

OP has said she doesn't mind if men join.
It's just trans women that she has a problem with.
So it's not about men joining at all, about it *changing the dynamics" or whatever which is what she started out saying.

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"transwomen" and men are exactly 100% the same thing.

So she objects to men being in the group. YW.

Cosyblankets · 23/07/2026 08:58

Solentseeker · 23/07/2026 08:54

If we make a rule change and invite all
men that’s fine. It’s being expected to endorse the frankly pretty distasteful lie that women hood is nothing but a wig and a frock and calling yourself Susan.

Show quote history

So it's fine to invite men and you're OK with transmen but not ok with transwomen?
Am I getting this right?

LoudGuide · 23/07/2026 08:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Solentseeker · 23/07/2026 08:54

SeaAndSangria · 23/07/2026 08:51

OP has said she doesn't mind if men join.
It's just trans women that she has a problem with.
So it's not about men joining at all, about it *changing the dynamics" or whatever which is what she started out saying.

Show quote history

If we make a rule change and invite all
men that’s fine. It’s being expected to endorse the frankly pretty distasteful lie that women hood is nothing but a wig and a frock and calling yourself Susan.

OP posts:
Naunet · 23/07/2026 08:54

LouisaLudgate · 23/07/2026 08:34

I'm guessing that you've not met many, if any trans-women at all OP. I think your reaction to the inclusion of trans people may well be based off media coverage only and that is usually showing politicized, extreme aspects of the pro and anti trans culture in the uk.

I think if you allowed some gobshite man into the group you might have a problem, but trans-women, genuine people who want to sit and knit with you? They'd be an absolute blessing. And if you do mean what you say, you'd be able to listen to them alongside all the younger women you enjoy hearing from.

Edited

You sound like you've joined a cult - a blessing?! 🤣

Mumofoneandone · 23/07/2026 08:53

If it is a woman's only knitting group, then yes, you refuse any form of make attendee. Otherwise it becomes a mixed sex knitting group.
If you allow transwonen in, but not men, you are discriminating against some men, which is illegal.
Just refer back to the Supreme court ruling of April 2025 about biological sex being the deciding factor.
Write a letter stating that her plans are illegal - should she wish to start a non women only group, she needs to start a different group.
Alternatively - all of those who disagree, simply leave and restart your own group!

SeaAndSangria · 23/07/2026 08:51

rwalker · 23/07/2026 08:48

It just changes the dynamic it’s ridiculous ask for a group vote
but if it goes ahead leave
doesn’t mean your anti anything it just your preference

OP has said she doesn't mind if men join.
It's just trans women that she has a problem with.
So it's not about men joining at all, about it *changing the dynamics" or whatever which is what she started out saying.

Cosyblankets · 23/07/2026 08:51

Solentseeker · 23/07/2026 08:29

No issue whatsoever. I have many transmen friends. It’s people pretending to be my sex that I find offensive. So many TRAs seem to have a fetish. Transmen don’t.

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You seem quite the expert to know so many of these people to know that it's common to have a fetish.