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AIBU?

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Original poster

Annoyed with DH

88 replies

Ilikechocolatealot · 22/07/2026 21:04

I am off work all summer. DH working full time. Today he arrived home and goes to his workshop outside where he often catches up on phone calls. I was cooking dinner when he comes in to kitchen and I ask if he can pick up DS from football in 10 mins as I’m in the middle of doing dinner. He says he can’t as he has just smoked some weed. He offered to take over the cooking so I can go but I just got annoyed. The weed itself wasn’t the issue. He does smoke a bit from time to time as he says it helps with sleep and to calm anxiety. I don’t agree with it but he is a grown adult and can make his own decisions. I didn’t feel like explaining to him what needed doing for dinner (3 separate pots of things) It would just have been easier to finish it myself. I said it was unfair that I was just expected to pick up DS while he could just opt out. He said he didn’t know he’d be needed to do any driving and I hadn’t asked him and that he has been working all day and was only just in the door and needed something to unwind. I did do the pick up and as I ended up waiting in the car for longer than usual I texted him with instructions on dinner. I helped finish it off when I got back. I was still feeling pissed off and was a bit snappy with him.
He says I’m wrong to be annoyed and he did nothing wrong. AIBU?

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 22/07/2026 21:27

If you are going to ignore the drugs then it’s really not a big deal. You are annoyed he ‘opted out’ but you also had a complicated dinner going with the assumption he’d do pick up after working all day without prior notice. You both just didn’t communicate very well and assumed the other one would sort it.

If you are fine with your DH smoking drugs before tea and being stoned when the kids are still about I think that’s a bit piss poor of both of you. He could at least wait until family time is out of the way.

ALovelyPinkUnicorn · 22/07/2026 21:27

NoSausage · 22/07/2026 21:22

You're taking all summer off.

So im.assuming DH isnt taking any time off as primary carer.

So what parenting does DH normally do?
Would it normally cross his mind to think about childcare? Or does he normally come home and go off to do his own thing?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not defending him or blaming you for his failings, im just trying to work out if this is a slip from a normally dilligent husband or whether he is always like this because that tells you the problem.

Is op “taking summer off”‘or doesn’t work or get paid over summer??
it’s mn so the SAHM/pt worker is the hard done to, wunderkind..

Notquitethetruth · 22/07/2026 21:25

He is not a mind reader. Why not ask him when he got in from work instead of waiting. He made a sensible and responsible decision given he had just smoked some hash.
You are being unreasonable and given you were not working all day should have planned better.

Honeyhonayboo · 22/07/2026 21:24

10 minutes notice to do something he wasn’t supposed to be doing is just not always going to work through. If you aren’t annoyed about the weed then you can’t be annoyed about the situation really. If you knew he was taking work calls he could as easily just been caught up doing that.
Clearly the plan was for you to do the pick up so YABU

EwwSprouts · 22/07/2026 21:24

Yoheresthestory · 22/07/2026 21:20

Honestly just say to him that he’s responsible for checking if any child who is clearly not in the house, needs a pick up or anything before he incapacitates himself with weed. I think that’s the annoying thing, his assumption that nothing really was his responsibility.

This ^

Cherrysoup · 22/07/2026 21:23

So he’s made sure he’s not fit to do anything child related because he’s smoked weed? Can’t stand the stuff. Why does he think it’s ok to shelve any responsibility without ensuring the dc are ok?

pinkyredrose · 22/07/2026 21:23

YABU.

NoSausage · 22/07/2026 21:22

You're taking all summer off.

So im.assuming DH isnt taking any time off as primary carer.

So what parenting does DH normally do?
Would it normally cross his mind to think about childcare? Or does he normally come home and go off to do his own thing?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not defending him or blaming you for his failings, im just trying to work out if this is a slip from a normally dilligent husband or whether he is always like this because that tells you the problem.

dadtoateen · 22/07/2026 21:21

He sounds like a sensible person explaining why he can’t.
yes you are being unreasonable. If you had mentioned it before he ‘relaxed’ it would have been fine.
enjoy not working for a few weeks

Yoheresthestory · 22/07/2026 21:20

Honestly just say to him that he’s responsible for checking if any child who is clearly not in the house, needs a pick up or anything before he incapacitates himself with weed. I think that’s the annoying thing, his assumption that nothing really was his responsibility.

NuffSaidSam · 22/07/2026 21:19

Ignoring the weed, which is the bit I would be actually be annoyed about...

I think if you've been home all day and he's been working then you should go and pick DS up (or you should have asked him earlier). Unless there is a drip feed coming that you're ill/disabled/heavily pregnant/under house arrest.

AnonymityAnonymity · 22/07/2026 21:17

I would be annoyed at the weed smoking.
It has really negative affects on the lungs, the heart and mental health. And can be addictive.
If he has problems with anxiety and sleeping he should be seeking proper medical help not smoking weed.

Humanswarm · 22/07/2026 21:15

I mean it sounds like one of those evenings really. I couldn't condone the weed but lits do and you seem to so thats a non issue. How are things usually?