AIBU to tell my mum to stop asking about grandchildren?

You simply keep repeating yourself rather than addressing points people have made. This indicates an inability to consider points outside your own frame of reference. A worrying characteristic for a doctor.

The same people who would say it’s good we live in an age where women have more choice than they did. Also want to tell me that I owe it to my mother for giving me life…..I didn’t choose to have life I was simply just born. Children don’t owe their parents anything, every parent wants their child to be a decent person who doesn’t cause any harm to society but other then that I don’t think children should ever owe their parents anything. As long as they’re not criminals etc why does it matter what choices they make if they’re happy with their choices.

The same people who would say it’s good we live in an age where women have more choice than they did. Also want to tell me that I owe it to my mother for giving me life…..I didn’t choose to have life I was simply just born. Children don’t owe their parents anything, every parent wants their child to be a decent person who doesn’t cause any harm to society but other then that I don’t think children should ever owe their parents anything. As long as they’re not criminals etc why does it matter what choices they make if they’re happy with their choices.

You simply keep repeating yourself rather than addressing points people have made. This indicates an inability to consider points outside your own frame of reference. A worrying characteristic for a doctor.

I'm actually dyslexic if that answers part of your question. Sometimes I don't express myself as clearly in writing as I do in person but I don't think that's the same thing as not understanding other people's perspectives.

I do understand what people have said. I understand why my mum is disappointed. I understand why some people think having children gives life meaning. I understand why others think I'll regret my decision. At the end of the day it is simply my life and I believe I get to decide what to do with my own life.

Understanding a perspective isn't the same as agreeing with it.

Ultimately,I just think I get to make the choice about what I do with my life and my body, not anyone else. My mum was free to decide to have four children because that's the life she wanted. I'm equally free to decide not to have any because that's the life I want.

People seem to be interpreting the fact that I haven't changed my mind as evidence that I haven't listened. I have listened. I've simply reached a different conclusion. That's not a lack of empathy it's having different values and making a different life choice.

I was understanding to my mother at the start of all of this but now it’s getting boring. All her children are over the age of 35 I do not think any of my siblings will be having children with their partners anytime soon so it’s just one of those things my mother has to accept. We aren’t an extension of her at all and never will be. We are our own people who can make our own decisions that’s the good thing about life. You get choices and you choose based on what you feel comfortable doing, for my partner and I we do not feel comfortable having children, we can barely look after ourselves ahaha why would we subject an innocent child into our chaotic life.

I'm sure some may not agree with me, but your comments about not owing your mum anything could only be spoken by someone without children.
Until you raise children you probably cant understand quite how much you give to them, they are a part of you. And you owe her EVERYTHING. She is your mother!!!
However obviously you dont have to have children if you dont want to, but have a little sympathy for your mum - she clearly loved being a mum and would love to do it all over again with grandchildren to love and cherish.
I feel a bit sorry for you but you probably won't understand this either

Why is it hard to come to terms with? I don’t get why she would care that none of her children chose to her children. At the end of the day it’s our choice and our lives not hers, we don’t exist for her. We gave us life, yes and I love her but I don’t owe her grandchildren. She should enjoy her own life.

Only way to shut them up without causing a lot of angst. I wouldn't have siad it if there was no truth to it but once they started after number 3 I'd just had enough.

I understood it the first few times. Now it’s getting old and tiring. It’s just something she needs to accept and move on. There’s lots of children in the wider family that she can interact with, some who don’t have grandparents, she could have that role but she refuses thinks those children are annoying. She’s have the same with my hypothetical children. Not my fault or responsibility. She chose to have 4 children those 4 children chose to not have children. It’s not a crime against humanity. Even if I did want children I couldn’t possibly bring children into this world things are awful for gen z and might never get better for gen alpha. I’m in a way part of the last generation to really be able to even ‘easily’ get on the housing ladder. People 7-9 years older than me are house sharing. I work with doctors who have to house share in London bear in mind they’re in their 30s nowadays. Yes they can move to the middle of nowhere and not live in London etc but their jobs are in London and they’re mostly from London as in born and bred here.

Why is it hard to come to terms with? I don’t get why she would care that none of her children chose to her children. At the end of the day it’s our choice and our lives not hers, we don’t exist for her. We gave us life, yes and I love her but I don’t owe her grandchildren. She should enjoy her own life.

My partner and I both turn 40 in August. We've been together since we were 18 we met at university both studying Medicine and have been together ever since. Medicine at uni has that sort of environment where everyone in the same cohort kind of just sticks together. Everything I did was to do with medicine, I played hockey but that was medicines hockey etc. In a way slightly culty.

We've built the life we wanted. We both have careers we genuinely love. we've bought a house, have a great group of friends and close relationships with our families.

We've never really wanted children. I had an abortion at 35, and if anything it confirmed what we already knew. We both realised parenthood wasn't for us. We wouldn't want to bring a child into the world unless we were 100% committed to it, and we're not. We enjoy our life as it is. We like the freedom of deciding on a random day to go away for the night, eating out, travelling, spending time with friends and our nieces and nephews, and focusing on our careers.

Some people might call that selfish. Maybe it is. I'd actually rather be "selfish" than have a child because it's expected and then resent the lifestyle change. Children deserve parents who desperately want them.

I absolutely adore my nieces and nephews and happily spend time with them, but loving other people's children has never translated into wanting my own. I've never had that maternal calling, I know I would be a terrible mother and at nearly 40 I think it's safe to say the maternal instinct is not suddenly going to appear.

We're getting married in August. Neither of us is particularly interested in marriage itself, but from a practical point of view (next of kin, legal protections etc.) it just makes sense. We're having a very small registry office wedding in London followed by a nice meal with close family and friends. Exactly what we want.

The issue is my mum.For years she's brought up grandchildren. Every conversation seems to circle back to babies. I've repeatedly told her we're not having children and that the subject is closed.Recently she said, "Well then what's the point of life?"

That has shocked me. As though our lives somehow have less value because we've made a different choice. I don't judge people who have children most of the people I love do but I don't understand why some people can't accept that not everyone wants the same life.Eventually I'd had enough and told her to stop bringing it up because the answer isn't changing and I don't want every visit turning into the same conversation.

Now she's upset and thinks I was harsh.
AIBU? Should I just let her keep hoping and politely shut it down every time, or is it reasonable to expect her to accept that at nearly 40, after over 2 decades together, we've made our decision and it isn't up for debate?

Even when I’m 50 she will go on and on about it. It’s making me want to see her less every single time she talks about. A close friend of mine had her first baby recently I went to see her and meet her son. I sent a photo of me holding her son to my mum (this friend had known me since we were 7 and our mums are good friends) and my mum instead decided to comment on what I’m apprently missing in my life. Even added that my partner and I should hurry.

Recently she said, "Well then what's the point of life?"

what a terrible thing to say to someone 😮

YABU for continuing to shut her down politely. Polite isn’t getting you anywhere. Get angry.

Not read all the thread. I have read some if your comments Op. Of course you shouldn’t have children if you don’t want any. However it’s not unreasonable that someone who has created children and built a family wants that to continue.

think it’s important for her not to envision her life through her children.

I think maybe this needs reframing a little. I don’t think it’s that her life will be empty without grandkids but literally that’s her family line stopped after you. All the work she put into the family, ends after you guys.

Bloody good for you. I completely agree that people who don’t want children shouldn’t have them.

It does seem a little lacking in empathy to be so annoyed at your mum. She loved being a mum so much she had 4 of you. None of you owe her grandchildren but she obviously thought she would have at least one or two. You already have retirement plans that you are looking forward to.. travelling. Your mums plans were to be with her grandchildren. Be understanding that the future she envisioned isn’t going to happen even if nobody is to blame.