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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to stay in an unhappy marriage because I cannot afford to leave?

107 replies

Gymmum82 · 22/07/2026 12:43

I am in a fairly loveless and sexless marriage for a long time. We get along for the most part but sometimes my husband can be very mean and angry.

I am unhappy. I think he is too. The problem is I cannot afford to support myself.
I do work full time. But it’s minimum wage. If I left I would be putting myself and my children in to poverty. there is no scope to retrain or get a different job.
They would have to give up all their clubs. No holidays. No treats. No parties etc.

So what would you do? Stay and try and make the best of it? Or leave and maybe be happier but literally just be scraping by.

At the minute I choose to stay. But when we argue I wonder whether it would be better to go

OP posts:
Original poster
Gymmum82 · 22/07/2026 13:01

glassof · 22/07/2026 12:46

Are you in the UK? You may be entitled to universal credit and child maintenance. Have a look at the entitledto.co.uk website.

He would want the kids 50/50 so no maintenance. I would be entitled to a small amount of universal credit. But even with that I couldn’t afford to support myself well

OP posts:
AmandaHoldensLips · 22/07/2026 12:58

"my husband can be very mean and angry"

That's a horrible way to live. Have you asked him what he wants to do about your loveless marriage and how he would co-parent with you in the event of a split?

GucciBear · 22/07/2026 12:58

Make a plan. Starting now squirrel any money into a separate account. Building Soc? Even small amounts matter. This will start to give you hope. Maybe a local charity can give you advice which may make your path clearer. Please keep this away from him! I wish I had done this year's before I finally left. Good Luck to you and your children.

Summerhillsquare · 22/07/2026 12:55

There are different types of 'afford'.

I am certainly poorer than when I was married in terms of housing, cars, holidays and the like. But I am richer in peace, independence, hobbies and time.

My own mother chose the material things too, her security was not found within herself. I am not moralising, I can see both sides.

AdmiralTeacup · 22/07/2026 12:51

It’s extremely common for people to disinvest from their marriage as a personal fulfiller, and keep the marriage as a structure. Leaning on the state isn’t a good idea. The tax payers are already under enough stress.
you married him because you loved him, presumably, and wanted to commit to him. Give it a try, don’t see state benefits as your way out. Marriage has to be worked at.

VestibuleWeaver · 22/07/2026 12:50

I would rather be poor and happy, than model a miserable, loveless relationship to my children.

glassof · 22/07/2026 12:46

Are you in the UK? You may be entitled to universal credit and child maintenance. Have a look at the entitledto.co.uk website.