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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be upset after he turned off my work laptop?

188 replies

VividOliveBee · 22/07/2026 07:49

I am doing a virtual training course via zoom, very heavy going for a respected industry qualification, doing at at home to save on childcare for the summer hols which already has it challenges. Been leaving my laptop on as my work do random, long and unpredictable updates all the time. Came to logon this morning and it’s off. Dh shut it down before bed so everything I had open is lost and I have to frantically try and open and redownload find the links etc, I went mad, said what on earth who does this without asking, apparently I’m unreasonable leaving it due to the price of electric. He won’t apologise and said he wants a divorce and has gone to work.

OP posts:
Yogabearmous · 22/07/2026 08:05

He should have asked, but honestly just log on early to accommodate any updates. I do this everyday.
the divorce comments sounds like it’s been boiling for a while. You’ll need to talk.

ErrolTheDragon · 22/07/2026 08:03

It sounds like what you had open and set up wasn’t necessarily work you could save, as such, so I think some of the lectures you’ve been given may be misplaced.

I wfh for years and my DH would never have turned off my work computers without checking with me - likewise I wouldn’t turn his off either. Modern computers shouldn’t take vast amount of power if they’re left on idle, particularly if you’ve got appropriate power settings - I’d assume it would turn its screen off and maybe ‘sleep’ after a while.

I’m not surprised you’re cross, and his reaction is completely out of order - he should have asked you to turn your machine off rather than just going ahead.

Obviously this isn’t just about the laptop, I guess you’re trying to get a reality check on whether you were unreasonable in your reaction (YANBU to be annoyed with him, maybe ‘going mad’ was OTT depending what you mean by that) and also on his reaction - he was definitely more than ‘unreasonable’, he should have apologised not threatened divorce before heading out.

Larrythecatforpm · 22/07/2026 08:03

Your more bothered about the laptop than him asking for a divorce…?

RoseField1 · 22/07/2026 08:01

SunnyRedSnail · 22/07/2026 07:52

Shutting a laptop down is quite normal.

Saving stuff is also normal, so not his fault if you didn't save it.

No one divorces over shutting a laptop down. What's the rest of the story?

From your post above, he has perhaps had enough of you having a go at him over something so trivial...

Shutting down someone else's work laptop isn't normal at all

LauraNorda · 22/07/2026 08:00

Take him at his word and give him what he wants.

Feelingshotshotshot · 22/07/2026 07:59

I think it's weird that he turned off your laptop without asking first, I think that you going mad over it is a strong reaction, I think that him saying he wants a divorce over it is strange, and then I think that your reaction to him saying he wants a divorce, ie none, is bizarre - by which I mean that you've posted here about the laptop, not the threat of divorce.

This sounds like the tip of an iceberg to me.

VividOliveBee · 22/07/2026 07:58

To add, yeah aware shutting is the norm but I have left it on the previous few days for the reason stated above. An update could make me late, denied entry and therefore fail. Not trivial at all when it’s an important course and affects my career.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 22/07/2026 07:54

This isn't about a laptop, is he usually so unreasonable? Is he worried about money?

frozendaisy · 22/07/2026 07:54

Think I would happily give him the divorce you both sound like you dislike each other, life’s too short @VividOliveBee

SunnyRedSnail · 22/07/2026 07:52

Shutting a laptop down is quite normal.

Saving stuff is also normal, so not his fault if you didn't save it.

No one divorces over shutting a laptop down. What's the rest of the story?

From your post above, he has perhaps had enough of you having a go at him over something so trivial...

hugasaurus · 22/07/2026 07:51

AdjectiveColourNoun · 22/07/2026 07:50

Erm this isn’t about the laptop!

Yep! You ‘went mad’, he ‘wants a divorce’? That’s not a normal reaction to a misunderstanding over a left-on laptop.

WhatAMarvelousTune · 22/07/2026 07:51

The fact he said he wants a divorce would bother me more. Does he threaten to leave often? Is he serious? Why is he throwing that out and then leaving for work?
The laptop seems like a minor side issue tbh.

AdjectiveColourNoun · 22/07/2026 07:50

Erm this isn’t about the laptop!