AIBU to expect my dd (17) to get up?

I never wake my 14, 16 and 18 year old... why would I? They are on their summer holidays. I would hate to be hauled out of bed for no reason. Teenagers need sleep.

Ideally they'd have jobs, but not so easy now for young people to get these. Maybe set her chore list to include earlier things (presuming you give her money for chores if she has no job). If she does have a job and is on top of all you ask her to do, I'd leave her to it-used to annoy me when I'd been working very late and then the rest of the family, who'd been in bed by 11, woke me up early.

All the people going on about phones are missing the point that teenagers have been doing this for decades. I regularly failed to surface until mid-afternoon during the holidays at that age and that was long before mobile phones were a thing.

It’s the holidays and she’s almost an adult. Just leave her to it. If she doesn’t want dinner she can feed herself.

summer holidays I leave them to it unless we have to be somewhere.

School time, I've always said that I will not be getting them up - but - if I notice one isn't down by 6:30 then I'll yell/prod them (once. I'm not chasing)

I've managed it by being very clear what I am willing and not willing to do, and sticking to it (and being lucky that my kids are reasonable, and the eldest is an early riser anyway.. although I felt less lucky about that when he was a toddler admittedly)

This

No, I woukd not put up this at all. She is taking the piss! Don't understand why you would be going out of your way to give her food. Just go about your daily business, if that means she goes without so be it!

I leave mine (18&16) to make their own decisions, and on days they have nothing planned, they’ll likely stay in bed until 11/12 or so.
They both have summer jobs and quite busy schedules so it’s easy to let them be on their days off.

However, if they didn’t work all summer and had not much other plans, I think I’d struggle to let them fester in bed after 11:30 every day for 6 weeks..but I’d just try to motivate them to do stuff

Mmm, I think Joan Crawford would be dragging her out of bed and serving up the same dinner until she ate it.

I leave them be. We have special needs kids so no one sleeps the normal 11-7 cycle. We just have the rule of sleep when tired. Doesn’t matter if that is at 3pm.

They just about manage with school hours, but on the holidays they seem to have different circadian rhythms on account of the neurodiversity. If I force a rigid cycle, then they don’t recuperate and are more likely to burn out.

I think to a certain extent it does depend on what your own child would do left to their own devices.

my dd 17 would, get up late, cook her own (healthy) meals, socialise, exercise, work - just a few hours behind the norm. So for me, I don’t need to dictate, she’s making good choices her own way.

it is probably different if you think that if you didn’t get your child up at 10am and make them a decent breakfast and plan stuff to do with them; then they’d fester in their rooms on their phones eating pot noodles.

I don’t understand why any parent would force a near adult to get up at a certain time if they make good decisions once up.

Never. My eldest virtually went nocturnal during lockdown! He’s 21 now, left home and working many hours a week as a chef, early starts, never turns down overtime etc..

My parents never woke me up as a teen and I’m the same.

Whether you wake them or don’t wake them has no bearing on their future work ethic.

“Controlling” I don’t know whether to 🙄 or 😆

I’m very strict about bedtime but figure if they’re asleep it’s because they need it so don’t get them up (I would at 11am so their next night’s sleep isn’t too disturbed).

It's controlling behaviour making your teenagers get up if no school or job or activity to do.
They need their sleep
You wouldn't like it if someone turfed you out of bed!

Did you do anything to prevent this from happening though?

I can't imagine having a teen in their room until 5:30 and not going to ask about their plans for the day. Or allowing them to have breakfast on their own when everyone else is sitting for dinner...

Does she ever go out and see friends?

So the entire day spent in bed and at nothing until 5.30pm?

Thst isn’t sleeping in. That isn’t bothering to get up and dressed and just stagnating in bed looking at her phone and not eating anything

Exactly

added to which, at 18 they’ll likely to be paying their own mobile phone bill. And if they are away at uni.., of course it’s up to them where they have their phone.

But under our family roof, we have family rules.

Exactly!

I think the question of whether or not she has her phone/laptop in there with her is a good one. If she genuinely sleeping then she probably needs it. If she's laying in bed reading a book she probably needs the downtime. There is no reason for her to be spending hours on her phone in bed before getting up.

We are another "phones in the kitchen charging overnight" family. My daughter, who didn't go away to uni until she was 19, never had her phone in her room overnight. Not because we didn't allow it - she never asked. The expectation and the norm is that you don't have a phone in your room overnight. Of course at uni she didn't have a choice, but by then I think she had learned enough to know how damaging excessive screen time is. Even now in her mid 20s, when she's home, she plugs her phone in in the kitchen overnight. She also spends a lot of time reading and is probably on her phone less than I am, and hardly ever uses social media.

Well hopefully it’s an ingrained habit by then. You could use your argument for letting teenagers do anything because “what are you going to do when they’re 18” but that would be silly wouldn’t it?

Let them alone at that age mostly - especially at the start of the holidays - I think we forget the rhythm of the school year means intense terms

encourage going outside every day

try and go some places with her for chats that everything is basically ok

advance notice when you should be going out together - “I’d like help with the supermarket tomorrow, going out at 10” or “do you fancy swimming “ and if yes “ tomorrow at 11?”

and chores “ you are on bathroom duty which means clean it on Friday before I go to bed “

but lots of notice and lots of space

let her know your plans - so if you want a lift anywhere …

Similar here but instead of a radio I plug the hoover in the hall then go downstairs leaving it on.

I plug a radio in on the far side of the room and switch on classical music, very loudly. Bonus points if it is poor reception.

When that stops working I’ll move it to on top of the wardrobe.