AIBU to expect my dd (17) to get up?

During the summer mine are rarely in bed before 3/4am and sleep untill mid afternoon if they don't have to be at work.
If they want to lie in bed all day and have breakfast at 5pm that's up to them.

I've never cared about them getting up if don't have to get up for anything in particular or they would want me to otherwise wake them. Let them be.

When mine were headed towards being fully nocturnal, and disturbing me throughout the night with their cooking/gaming/comings and goings I put my foot down and insisted on some sunlight and activity during the day. But the odd day slobbing around in bed? I could not get het up about that.

I got annoyed with mine (14&17) so I made a manifesto for the summer (unfortunately neither have jobs, sports or much planned)
Up by 10 then dressed, bed made, curtains open, teeth brushed, proper clothes on etc.

They also have to clean their rooms once a week, do their laundry and take turns cleaning their bathroom. Cook one simple dinner a week.

They get plenty of chill out time but are also being a bit responsible and gaining life skills.

I'm not being super strict about it however, as long as it is happening 70% of the time.

Stinking and stagnating? Jeeso I was constantly in my bed at that age, I would’ve hated my parents if they forced me to get up at 17

Leave her alone.

I googled it - here's the answer ....

Yes, teenagers absolutely need more sleep than adults—typically 8 to 10 hours each night. Because their brains and bodies are undergoing rapid cognitive, physical, and emotional development, they require this extra rest to support brain maturation, memory consolidation, and overall physical growth.
During adolescence, a natural shift in the body's circadian rhythm occurs. This biological clock delay means teenagers often don't feel sleepy until later at night—around 11 p.m. or midnight. Combined with early morning responsibilities like school, this can easily lead to chronic sleep deprivation.
Consistently missing out on needed sleep can lead to serious issues, including:
Decreased focus, memory, and academic performance
Mood swings, irritability, and an increased risk for depression and anxiety
Impaired judgment and an increased likelihood of impulsive behavior
Weakened immune systems and higher risks for physical health problems
To help your teen get the recommended amount of rest, encourage consistent sleep schedules (even on weekends), limit screen time an hour before bed, and promote healthy daytime habits like getting natural light and avoiding caffeine.
For more detailed information, check out the full guides from the Sleep Foundation or Johns Hopkins Medicine. 1]

Let her sleep!!!

Why does being in bed equal ‘stinking’? Does the ‘stinking’ start at a particular hour??
The absolute faux pride of “in my home”…
Do you get extra points for this nonsense?

two things. I absolutely agree about phone use.
its a few years ago now but we used to get fire safety lectures in the NHS. Ours were designed for community staff. The bloke who gave them was an ex fireman, invalided out because of smoke inhalation injuries. He said that he kept a mobile in his bedroom because if you needed 999 for any reason, your phone was right there to hand. If you needed to get out of the house first, then you didn't have to scrabble around getting your phone. He also said that if you are going to charge your (or the kid's) phones overnight then the only safe place to do it is in your bedroom where you will know if anything goes wrong.

I feel like I’m running a hotel and Joan Crawford is staying and she will do as she pleases thank you very much.

Sorry, OP, but this made me chuckle!

5.30pm is a bit mad to be waking up and having breakfast. I think my worry would be that she isn’t out and about doing anything if she’s sleeping all day and on her phone all night. Is there a reason she doesn’t have a part time job? It’s a tricky one because she’s practically an adult and as long as she does any chores she’s meant to and isn’t keeping anyone else awake when she’s up at night then really she should be able to sleep when she’s likes. But I wouldn’t like it either. I’d think 12pm latest ideally.

Maybe they're 'too lazy' to go out to work, so instead, they prefer to stay unemployed and make berating their teenagers for being lazy into their alternative 'job' instead!

I completely agree. If a family member was regularly staying in bed until the evening - absent illness, working shifts or similar - I think I'd be concerned and want to maybe raise it as a potential health problem with them, to see if they needed help; but growing, hormone-fuelled teenagers sleeping in until late in the morning/noon, in their school holidays... why would you want to disturb them, just so you can harumph about your imagined moral propriety in getting everybody up early?

Even if they are on phones/laptops/other devices in bed all day rather than sleeping, surely they're just choosing somewhere they feel comfier to do it. Why would it be somehow better if they got up and lounged on the sofa on their phone all day?

Some people with professions that allow it do like to base themselves in bed to do whatever they're doing. There are enough people on MN who seem to wear pyjamas every minute of the day whilst they're at home; albeit always waking up in their night PJs before changing into their day PJs! Are they lazy too, or just prioritising their comfort when it makes no difference and nobody else (outside of their family) would ever even know anyway?

I’m not seeing the issue if there’s nothing they need to get up for. Why shouldn’t they stay in bed?

I never wake them or make them get out of bed unless we are all off out so need to be ready at the same time. Then I just tell them when to be up for but they are all capable cooks and can do a load of laundry. They have all sorts to get up for and have been known to beat me to it in holidays.

How are people at home to wake their teens up. Surely most parents of teens are at work? Mine is 16, post GCSE’s. He is sleeping late, no idea how late as I’m out the house by 7.30 and dh is out by 8. Teen gets up when he wakes up. As long as he gets the things he needs to get done done, I’m not sure it’s any of my business when he gets up. He is job hunting, hopefully will have a part time job soon so will have to be up. He’ll be up at 6 every day when college starts. Nothing wrong with some lie ins over summer.

Jeeesus did I love my lie-ins and afternoon naps at that age!!
If I had an early morning, I'd come back from lessons/lectures and go to sleep for a few hours. One way or another, I was going to spend a portion of my day in bed!

Wet flannel 😁

I wouldn’t be pleased if my DH told me I ‘had’ to get up at a specific time on the weekend when I don’t have work or plans, because he’s decided I’m not ‘allowed’ to sleep in for some reason. So I would imagine other adults/almost adults would also find it a bit controlling and frustrating…

Surely that's referring to people using their phones all night - as in addicts who cannot put them down? Otherwise, it doesn't make any difference having a phone with the screen off lying on your kitchen table or a phone with the screen off lying on your bedside table.

Sales of standalone alarm clocks have been in freefall for years, as huge numbers of people now just set an alarm on their phones instead. Fair enough if all of you are phone addicts, though - you're probably doing a wise thing in that case.

It is
Just turn it round to "'My DH/DW wakes me up & makes me get out of bed early on my days off when we have no plans and no kids"
Everyone on the relationship board would say that the DH/DW are being controlling.

Why do you impose getting up times on people who don’t need to get up? Very odd indeed.

Ok this is a bit different to what your OP suggested.

But it’s being on her phone all hours that’s the issue, not sleeping per se.

I might set some rules about meals - no making breakfast across you whilst you’re doing dinner, for example. Dinner made for them happens at one time and one time only - otherwise they can make their own and they must tidy up after themselves.

I’ve never understood this MN obsession with getting teens out of bed.

They need their sleep at that age and a teenager’s natural circadian rhythm is set later than an adults. They’ve been forced into god awful early starts all term that are unnatural for them - they will need a bit of time to recharge and recover.

Obviously if we’ve all agreed a plan for the day I’ll wake them up but if there’s nothing specific happening, why do they need to be up?

No need to cook for them at unusual times and they need to clean up after themselves etc but no need for silly “get up by 10” rules. I don’t get up by 10 myself some weekend days esp if I’m on my own.

If my 17 yo has slept til 11 (for example) I normally say well done! Because she’s getting the sleep she needs. She doesn’t stay up til silly times though - I guess that’s the bit I might discourage if my kids were that way inclined. And I make the 12 yo go to bed at a decent time, even if that means my day ends with making a reluctant person do something (never fun), because he would be the one who might stay up too late if permitted (ADHD though).

I don’t get my 18yo up. She is knackered after A Levels and a wild post A level holiday. We offered a day out yesterday, she wanted to stay home.