AIBU to expect my dd (17) to get up?

That would never have flown at my house. I don't care what all of the cool mums here are saying - this is unhealthy behavior. Yes, teens need more sleep than adults, and their natural sleep cycle tends to be later than adults. If that means they need to sleep until 10 or even 11 on occasion, fine. But laying in bed awake on your phone? Nope. Not happening in my home where I pay the bills. Also, nit joining in family meals because you've just eaten so aren't hungry? Again - not happening in my house.

But a lot of teens who get up later then stay up later and don’t ‘waste’ their evenings

Sleeping in is one thing, not getting up at all until 5:30pm is quite another. I wouldn’t accept that.

Would you force a 17 or 18 year old to get up if they didn’t want to?

The best part of the day when you’re young is probably around 4pm to 2am.

The best part of the day at my age is definitely a lot earlier! I’m often contemplating my bed by 9pm 😆

isn't "waste" a very subjective judgement though?

@Oldgum- Sometimes working till late. Hanging out with friends, gaming, watching movies etc. All the normal stuff..

and to add, my mum was always on at me to get up and that I was missing the best part of the day 🙄

As a consequence it took me far longer to grow out of the habit than DS1

Same with my DS1 who is 20. He is now starting his 3rd year at uni and has very normal sleep patterns. He had to work it our for himself that being nocturnal meant missing out on stuff. He actually grew to really dislike it.

I'm surprised at how many people say they leave their kids to wake up whenever. I get it's the summer holidays and relaxing, have lie ins but I'd want my children up by 10am latest ready to start their day and not waste it away. Maybe I feel this way because there's many adults (20's and 30's) I know of who live with their parents, do not have jobs, stay up late at night and don't get out of bed until atleast lunchtime.

I leave mine to get up when she feels like it, she's just finished college for the term and had work placement I'm giving her a break and letting her set her own schedule she's 17 now I don't feel the need to tell her what to do constantly

It depends how often it happens. If it’s every day and that’s all she does, no meeting friends, going out etc. then yes, that would be concerning.

This! DS1 has been getting up at about 10 or 11 over the holidays. He woke up at 5.30 from about 10 months old to about the age of 8. At one stage I was putting a bowl and cereal out for both mine the night before so they could get their own breakfast at 6 30 at the weekends and holidays! If he wants to go out he gets up.

What do you want her to get up for?

I would let her get on with it. Choose your battles.

Once mine got past GCSES I let them manage their bedtime/wake up. They made their own breakfast/lunch so it didn’t impact on me and my day. I always cooked tea they just needed to let me know if they wanted any. They each had a few chores to do each week.
Both DDs had part time jobs and successfully achieved their post 16 qualifications. Which led to careers and financial independence. They learnt to manage their own schedules.

I remember the irritation of having meals used as a reason to have to conform to my mother’s routine. She would make me a breakfast as a reason to insist I got up and wouldn’t let me just get my own breakfast when I was hungry. She insisted on having my college time table and said it was just so she had a rough idea of when I might be back no pressure. Which turned into getting yelled at if I went to the student union or the pub after college. I could not wait to leave home.

This 👆 there is nothing healthy (either physically or mentally) about what OP’s daughter is doing.

With mine (16 and 18), the problem is, they sleep in because they are up, making noise, all night. I hear the bathroom door being opened and shut through my earplugs. I don’t sleep past 5am even though they do.
Swings and roundabouts.

Midday? Getting up to eat a roast with family? Lovely

very different to what’s going on with the Op

I have such fond memories of sleeping till midday, smelling a Sunday roast, having a shower and eating at 1pm. I wasn’t going to bed late (like 3am), I wasn’t on a phone as they didn’t really exist.

I did have anywhere to be and loved my sleep, I guess my question is why do they need to get up?

I think posters need to read the update

this is a 17 year old lying in bed all day, not washing or eating or doing anything besides scrolling. Then getting up at 5.30pm to eat breakfast. And then missing family dinner because only just eaten dinner.

day in. Day out. During the summer holidays.

I would be worried about her health but more important - why the heck isn’t she out seeing friends @queenceleste ?

What are they doing until 3/4am?

Our kids are 17 - 21 and are on holiday from college and uni. We generally leave them to it unless we have plans which they’re happy to be up for.

They were up making food and watching a film together last night and then slept in til about 3pm. Sometimes they get up earlier, sometimes later. They’re socialising, exercising, helping around the house, walking the dogs and are nice company for the hours we see them, so I say let them enjoy the holidays while they can. It’s part of bringing young and free.