I dislike who ds has become after not getting football scholarship

I understand it looks that way but put DS2 in the smaller room and that at least means the others can live amicably. I’d consider not paying gym membership for DS2 as well - that’s earned, not a right. He needs to suffer consequences. Bolt the door if he is not back by a certain time maybe? I think there will be a few difficult confrontations but you can’t let him rule the roost.

Sorry, he's becoming a monster. You really need to find some way to get through to him as well as set some ground rules and stick to them. If I had told my parents to fuck off, I'd have been severely punished.

Edited to add - weed can sap all the energy out of someone and also make a person depressed. This should stop asap.

So don’t do anything then 🤷‍♀️

So what’s the plan then? You don’t want to discuss what support if any you are giving to DS2 and you don’t want to do the main suggestion from people on here… is it just a rant you needed?

So you’re essentially saying there’s nothing you can do about all this?

what is your plan?

He won’t be able to sign on for job seekers at 16/17. OP needs to support him and encourage to get some sort of education if anything

It can be done though by moving other children into together, I assume the 13 year old has his own room?
You could argue why should the 13 year old get his own room when his larger siblings are having to share?
Having space is not a reward, but a necessity when you have two sharing that do not get on at all and who make life a misery for each other and everyone else.
I don’t say it lightly, we had a 3 bedroom house, 3 children. Oldest and middle one (16 months part) were sharing and the little one was in the box room.
Our older two fought continuously, making each other miserable, over stimulated and our lives were a nightmare.
We scrimped and saved and extended into the loft, everyone now has the space they need to get away from each other.
There is a reason one of the twins is behaving like he is, I very much doubt he enjoys being vile. More likely since not getting the scholarship and seeing his brother seemingly have it all, he’s lost his way.
The other twin is having an easier time of it despite the broken collar bone because he has been picked and is doing what I assume he loves.
There is an age gap which isn’t great for others to share either unless OP wants to sleep on a sofa bed and give someone her room for the next year or 2, something has to change and backing a person into a corner with more punishments when they probably already can’t seem to see a way out of the spiral doesn’t usually work.

If the boys can’t keep one bedroom tidy, then it’s pointless having a situation where two bedrooms are not kept in a reasonable state. I would tell DS2 to sign on for Jobseekers immediately as he has no other plan in place, and in the meantime, he starts to pull his weight in the family. It would be non negotiable whilst he’s under your roof. He’s got plenty of lip/energy that can be used on cleaning, entertaining siblings, cooking for the family…

It can be done, and OP just doesn’t want to. By making them carry on sharing a room she’s punishing both of them. And 13 and 17 is not a big age gap, not sure where you got 18 from

there's a difference between not punishing him further and rewarding him, which is what giving him his own room when he's done least to deserve it, would be?

I mean, I agree that having their own space would definitely be preferable and would result in them fighting less, but if OP said it can't be done, it can't be done. 4 years is quite a big age span to have an 18 sharing with a 14 year old in a few months as well.

I would get them to research 5 career paths for each other, not including football, and what they would need to do to get on those paths, these two know each other better than anyone, make them appreciate their individual strengths, focus on the positives and start planting the seeds for the future.

Or it gives him space to decompress and rethink life, without affecting anyone else?
You seem to want to heap on more punishments which in my experience doesn’t help, it just drives a bigger wedge and makes them think there really is no point in conforming at all.

You don’t see how giving him support would be useful?

DS1 and DS3 should share for now. DS2 needs support as well as punishment.

Sounds very dysfunctional. I agree that family therapy is needed, or you’ll have a lifetime of bitterness & jealousy between them both.

Are any of the younger children boys, and if so could you could swap rooms around so at least one of the twins shares with a different sibling for now? It's not ideal, but I don't think it's unreasonable to tell DS2 he's moving rooms if he's refusing to shut up about his brother not being able to play football. Otherwise, learn to tune out their sniping at each other and at you, unless it's escalated to abuse. If they have nowhere else to go they'll have to decide for now if they'd rather squabble or give each other a little peace and quiet in the room in exchange for the same.

Tell them to clean their room by tomorrow night; no excuses. If DS1 is unfit because of his injuries, you or their other parent can offer to help DS2 do it this one time. Chances are they'll do it themselves if the alternative is having Mum and/or Dad supervise them doing it and if they know there will be consequences for missing the deadline. Set the expectation that it will STAY clean from now on - doesn't necessarily have to up to your personal standards but reasonably safe and sanitary.

Was DS2's messaging DS1's girlfriend a "joke" between DS2 and the gf, or a joke ON the gf? If the latter, I'd be worried that that plus the lies about the other girl might be a sign of misogyny that needs to be addressed.

What is DS2 doing about being kicked out of college? That should be his biggest concern right now, especially as you say he can't work, and his focus on that should be so consuming that he shouldn't have much time for girls, weed, and harassing his brother.

Are there any other brothers they can share with? Could you sleep in the living room but still store your stuff in the bedroom? Could they have the biggest room and create a temporary partition or screen?

You still only answered one question OP

So, why is he out? What actual parenting have you done with him? It sounds like you just sat back and watched him go off the rails without intervention.
How many kids do you have? Too many to actually devote the necessary time to this one?

What are you doing to help DS2? And what about the bedroom situation?