AIBU to think school giving out awards to exceptional children is unfair?

You have control over academic achievement. How much you study and revise.

Yes to this. I've always said I think over-valuing academic achievement messes everyone up. For the academic ones it is psychologically damaging (been there, got the t-shirt) and does the same thing as valuing a child's looks, ie it's something external that the child has no control over and isn't anything to do with who they are as a person. It makes you feel like a fraud and doesn't actually prepare you to deal with failure in life. I talk about this with my therapist a lot. And it's no fun for the other kids who have to sit there and watch the more naturally academic kids receive prizes they don't need. Of course we need rigorous educational standards, but other things need to be valued as well to promote real resilience in my opinion. It's about valuing genuine effort rather than something children have no control over.

A relative works with kids who have experienced early years trauma - it's heart-breaking - their lives are deeply affected by being let down and abused by the adults who should have been protecting them and despite these kids being most likely to end up in prison costing the country a fortune to imprison them and causing untold harm on their victims - there is very little money being spent early enough to right the wrong created by their feckless and abusive parents.

As a society we should be ashamed of how we let these kids down. And calling them little shits? Well at best it's ignorance - no one talks about this stuff - we just demonise and blame the kids.

Yes let’s cancel the olympics too

YABU

its important to celebrate high achieving students. These days there is so much celebrating in class for non events, think attending a sports camp (not winning the tournament just actually going because the parents payed to go). Our school is one that doesn’t celebrate anything for high achievers it’s all about the ASN kids, im not against celebrating their success obviously some achievements for them are obviously big deals for them but then at least have something for the mainstream kids who have done something big for them instead of making them feel second class because they’ve been doing the simple things for years!

I think it depends on whether a fair system is used for deciding who gets the prizes.

My children’s old primary school seemed to get it “right” each year with children who had worked hard, etc consistently being recognised in Year 6. One of my children got something. The other one didn’t.

This year I have heard a lot of complaints. A child whose parents were called into school due to him bullying many others, constantly disruptive in lessons and rude towards teachers up to Year 5, managed to turn it around in Year 6 and made huge progress in the final year both academically and socially so he got the special prize. I agree that he should be recognised but the ones who behaved, worked hard and achieved consistently throughout their entire time at primary school, got nothing.

I was also working in a school this year when a child got a prize and I overheard the teachers who made the decision saying, “He doesn’t deserve it but it’s much easier to give it to him than having his mum kicking off.”

Yes, achievements should be recognised but they should be given to children who really deserve it.

Some children are still bullies even though their home life is fine. My DS struggled because back then DH and I were having a really bad rough spot. He didn't violently start beating people up. Thankfully the main bully in primary school (who was operating at KS1 level even in year 5) got bullied himself so badly in the local comprehensive that he had to leave.

This is why children are little shits:

They are unused to a rules based system

they start school significantly behind in language, fine and gross motor skills which means they have an uphill struggle to keep up

they have experienced trauma, domestic violence, poverty, they may not have eaten dinner or breakfast and may have just seen their mother being punched by their dad before school

they have an additional educational need, such as dyslexia, which isn’t properly diagnosed or dealt with for years meaning their first years at school are rife with frustration (imagine attending a whole day in Japanese - this is how learning can appear for some children)

Their learned behaviours from home are knee jerk and different from school rules. They need to learn societal norms first before they can learn academically.

for the people who cannot see the justice in ensuring these children - someone described as little shits - then shame on you.

children are not born little shits. That you can call a small child that says a lot about you.

This might work when all the kids are already incredibly advantaged, as is the case in an independent school. I can assure you it doesn’t work in very deprived communities.

I think this puts it perfectly. We don’t think rewarding of natural beauty (over and above life’s natural rewards) is healthy and yet we subject our children to judgement based on nature and circumstance.

For those saying they need to learn life is unfair now, thank goodness you don’t teach. It is the ones who make it most difficult for you to reward them that need the most help and that little confidence boost. Life isn’t fair but shouldn’t we strive to make it as fair as possible when they are children?

If you can’t find a single positive thing to say about a child in public when it’s their ‘turn’ to be celebrated, then there is something desperately wrong with the teacher and/or the school.

Very common in all primary schools to have awards like that.

In year 3 they didn't split by set yet. Everyone in the class got the exact same hw except DS..the teacher manually hand wrote extra additional questions for him to complete

I was going to say. That's just normal.

My son also gets 'special treatment' in Maths because he is behind so the current level of Maths work isn't appropriate for him.

It's called differentiation and surely is just standard in state schools?

that's not special treatment.

Any decent state school give homework from at least 3 different levels of difficulty .

It's a good thing, but it doesn't make a child special. They're just on the top set.

having SEND doesn’t mean they are not exceptional or can’t achieve!

I’m sure you didn’t mean it like that

Haven't read all the messages.
My DD went through a tough 11+ process and got an elite private school without any connections. She didn't get anything at prize giving for 4 years of prep. They seemed to want to celebrate a small group of children throughout the years. She sat through each and celebrated those children with good grace, while knowing they probably wouldn't have got a place at her senior school and in many cases couldn't complete the level
of work she could. Life can be tough and she built resilience throughout. She looks back with a healthy understanding that deserving children don't always receive recognition.

I think YABU. Life is unfair. Most of us are good at some things and bad at others. It is perfectly reasonable that people who are good at things are encouraged and celebrated.

It’s our job as parents to let our children know what their strengths are and to give them recognition and also to gently let them know that they aren’t good at everything and that’s fine too.

People are valuable as individuals whether or not they win an award and its my job to make sure my children know that. Getting rid of awards is not the answer.

It was the teacher that used the term. Said he placed my DS's name in it. I don't doubt you probably have a very bright DD. But my DS read economics at Cambridge and then did a masters at UCL. Of course you can focus on the soft skills whilst also pushing hard academically and exceeding there.

I won! Fewer than 10 in. Has the OP self diagnosed Autism as well?

Course it makes him better, he was smarter. He was in the gifted and talented.

Your posts are interesting. As someone with a clever clogs of her own (likely with a higher IQ than your son), we'd never use the term gifted and talented, it's incredibly old fashioned and unhelpful. When they are academically very able, it's a good idea to focus on other areas, especially on values, character, inter personal skills work ethic and perseverance and a good bunch of hobbies. The academic side of education largely takes care of itself with if they are at a good school and parents/family are well educated.

People like Ggfd give* *parents of very able youngster a bad name. I feel second hand mortification.

He was given harder hw at the start of ks2 because the teacher he had recognised his smarts and gave him additional work to challenge him.

sounds like a peach.

Only negative attitude I have ever seen from primary school kids has nothing to do with being top of the class, academically or at sport. It had all to do with attitude, and kids getting pissed off that the "naughty" kids got awards and special treatments for misbehaving less one day.

I would be mortified that my kid needed "special treament" in primary school. Even G&T kids don't have that much "special treatment", all taks and work is always done in different levels of ability anyway

Our school had about 10 awards and the kids voted for each other, rather lovely. Nice categories, kids that try, were kind, made kids laugh, embodied the school values. But I don't have a problem with how OP's school did it either.

I think exceptional kids are rarely exceptional at everything - there is usually something they find difficult or boring - and I think they should be rewarded for effort and attitude in these areas. I'm not convinced that a child who loves maths and excels at it actually needs help with their motivation in Maths, or a child who reads a novel a day needs to be rewarded for that to keep going - possibly they aren't so good at public speaking, science, essay writing or running for example and in these areas they might need help with the motivation an rewarding them for their effort and attitude with something they genuinely struggle with might help them more.

Lots of people were in the G&T at school unfortunately it doesn't always translate gifted and talented does not guarantee success in life. Employers need people who can work with all sorts of people not just the exceptionally bright - you might want to help him value a wide range of talents not just his own. I hope for his sake he does not display your attitude with other people he encounters - it will likely not serve him well.