AIBU to think school giving out awards to exceptional children is unfair?

I don't think it's a good idea to teach children that putting in effort isn't worthwhile, or that their achievements won't be noticed or rewarded. I'm all for children being recognised when they perform well, and I don't think kids should have to hide their successes from others.

That being said, I do think bragging is a terrible thing to do. If that is what happened at your child's school, then I absolutely think the behaviour should be addressed. But no, I don't think children should be expected to stay quiet about their achievements or hide their awards to protect the feelings of those who didn't receive one.

As a child who did well in school, I remember that students like me often came second to the more disruptive kids who struggled in class and constantly required the teachers' attention. Let high-performing children have this one thing without turning it into another situation where everything has to revolve around the students who already receive the majority of the attention on a daily basis.

Well they wouldn't be "special" awards if everyone got them, would they?

No they haven't.

All I can see so far is that they feel sorry for the kids who didn't get them.

But nothing about why it's unfair?

Simply feeling sorry for kids in this situation doesn't make anything unfair.

I was in primary school in the 70s and we had a prize day every year. As a shy, quiet boy it was really uplifting to win a prize 4 years out of 5. It gave me the confidence that working hard would be recognised

The poster has posted to explain this,

What I think is massively unfair is not celebrating those high achievers. My dd has left primary school with not 1 award. She got excellent sats results,behaves perfectly (according to her teacher) and works really hard, yet she got nothing.

I used to get annoyed at the end of term, because my school only did progress prizes for the most improved and a Year Prize for the best student all year. I couldn't improve as I was consistently good but there was one boy who was slightly better than me at Maths and always won the year prize, apart from in reception when I won it. One teacher made her own Class Prize for me as she could see I had tried so hard that year in particular. There is a balance to be struck between all must have prizes and only one or two winning. Achievements in different areas and progress prizes sounds would be a good system.

My DSS isn’t in year 6 but did get a special award at his assembly last week that 2 kids in every class got - he’s AuDHD and it meant the world to him as he usually feels very overlooked and that he can’t do much right. I think awards given to kids are important if they have worked extra hard or done something special to get them.

And this also implies that kids with SEN don't get awards.

Why do you think this OP?

It has always been this way, and it will never change. In my childs school its the same kids every year at prize giving.

Stealth brag?

My daughter was a high achiever. She never got a single award, prize or “point” throughout her entire school years. It’s a good job so she was driven, because she could have easily said “what’s the point?”. (She often got into trouble for being bored after she finished her work though 🤔)

My daughter was on of the ones who got an award - she worked so, so hard and really deserved it.

in life, some people get recognised sometimes. Others don’t. There will be times when she is not selected for something. That’s just life.

I’ve taught her that she doesn’t need external baubles and praise to peg her value against and that she must do this herself - I think it’s a really important life lesson.

OP, are you going to come back and say why you think it's unfair?

I mean it's the whole subject of your thread and yet you've omitted it completely?

YABU

Of course we should recognise and celebrate achievements, how on earth do you prepare kids for working life if you think all achievements should be ignored in case someone is a bit jealous.

YABU to call them "exceptional"

Some are, but most kids are just celebrated for their achievements, implying the work that went behind.

Good for them.

What do you prefer? That we make success and hard work something to be ashamed about? To hide away?
Instead of celebrating winners at sports, the best at Maths or history, or music? What's wrong with that?

Why do you think it's unfair OP??

Yes, let's live in a world where no one's achievements are celebrated in case it makes someone else feel inadequate. Let's ban The Oscars, The Olympics, The Brits.

Or, teach your children resilience and shower them with so much praise and encouragement that they will be able to happily celebrate someone else's achievements. My ds is very academic but dd is not but is more sporty. They both have different strengths.

What alternative would you suggest?
Its okay for children, including those with SEN, to be aware that they might not win every award in life. Surely being able to move through disappointment is a vital part of life and learning that in a school environment where lots of children are in the same boat and your parents can help guide you through it is the ideal scenario. In fact, given the challenges that children with SEN might encounter throughout their life, I would have thought that its even more important for them to learn that from a young age with support, so their confidence isnt affected more than it already might be later on. However id be interested to hear of alternatives!

I agree with @Brickiscool ; if the only pupils to get these awards are clearly being encouraged against the odds, the others will see through it, certainly by Year 6. Both are needed for balance, or cynicism grows.

Our primary school had three final year prizes, the Maths prize, the English prize and the best all-round achiever prize.

Less formal prizes were awarded in year 5 for art, sport and music. No one seemed to mind, or feel rejected.

Well how many got an exceptional award? It's quite nice for exceptional kids to get recognition because kids that cause problems, at my school at least, are more likely to get recognition and prizes and bribes throughout their school career as they need the extra encouragement and I always feel a bit sorry for the kids that just put their heads down and behave and work hard because they are ignored or have to do way way more than the trouble makers

Depends how many kids, what for and whether it was strictly a school ceremony or something extracurricular.