Holidays with grandparents

If they want to holiday with us they are free to book and pay for it all.

Otherwise nope no big family holidays apart from maybe tagging on to a weekend camping.

We have gone to the same place as my parent's and overlapped our holidays for the past few years but we don't go "with them". They don't pay for anything for us, they might take the kids out for a fancy ice cream or something but our holidays are separate, we don't spend the days together, we do the odd meal out together and they babysit the kids 1 evening so we can go out on our own. I'd never go on holiday "with" my parents. If ever we've gone on a weekend away with my in-laws (years ago before kids) they spend every waking moment together, all meals together, spending all day doing the same thing, I couldn't cope with this, I'd never go away with them, even if they paid.

My sister's in-laws will book wherever my sister and her family are going and then gatecrash their entire break, it infuriates my sister so much. Literally every holiday and break they have they appear. I don't think her in-laws get the whole them just wanting to go away as a family without 2 tag alongs, I find it so rude. Her in-law can of course afford other holidays and breaks so they still get their own break to themselves, these are the only holidays my sister and her family get each year. I think keeping quiet is the way forward!

I only know of 2 families that do family holidays kids, parents, grandparent regularly. My parents have never holidayed with their grandchildren. I do remeber one holiday with my grandma as a child but it was for my mums 50th and it was a 'girls trip'. Internet is the only place where I've seen it branded as 'normal'.

We take my mum on holiday with us every 18 months or so. She pays for her flight and generally lunches out we sort the rest.

It is a bit of a balancing exercise tbh what she may want to do is not what the kids want to do (be in a pool all day). So we compromise a fair bit. She does babysit 2 evenings in a week whilst on holiday though so DH and I can spend some time together.

Would never go on holiday with MIL though as she wouldn't compromise, hates water so wouldn't be swimming with the kids and generally moans about everything.

Don't go anywhere now, don't have the means, but when had the means, always invited parents and PILs and paid for them. They tried to contribute, but I would not dream of it - they even left envelopes but we returned it to them afterwards. Always felt guilty I and my DH could not adequately repay them for what they did for both of us when we were growing up. Holidays were the least we could do for them.

I would be up front and say, 'Mum, we want a family holiday with just us once a year. And we can't afford two holidays. Jane either pays for her family or they are better off than us.'

You're not unreasonable to want to go away alone with your family. Maybe suggest a couple of days out with her as compensation?

We've gone with my parents for a long weekend out of a week for them, but because they live far away, we usually visit them as a mini break (they live in a tourist spot). They're hard work as they're very inflexible, but think we're being inflexible for our son - but it works both ways!

ILs are paying for a big group holiday next year for their birthdays, and we'll go to them, and see how that goes. They live nearby, so we see them weekly anyway. We did this holiday with them pre-kids, and they were quite enmeshed - they tend to want a full fortnight and all activities together, which doesn't suit us. (MIL actually deliberately locked us out of our holiday accommodation to force us to come and find them when we tried to have a break, and insisted it was always the plan - joke was on her because we were trying for a baby and she desperately wanted a grandchild!)

The best ones are sibling/cousin holidays, where we're all close enough to enjoy company, help with childcare, and give each other space too.

We have had a holiday with my parents every year for the last 10 years (since having DC)
Sometimes they have paid or part paid (example they paid all of Air B&B we paid for our own flights)
Mostly everyone pays for themselves example we all went all inclusive big resort types and we all paid our own parts.

We do however also have holidays on our own. Which does make a difference to the dynamic here!

MIL once paid for her two DS and the DIL and kids to go away which was a great time for all!!

However if my parents expected to come on holiday with us and us pay that would be a no!

You should go on holiday with grandparents if you want to, not because they're cash cows or because they'll be free babysitters. We sometimes went for a week with my widowed mum and sometimes her and I went away just the two of us for a weekend. We usually paid separately, or she'd pay for the accommodation and I'd pay for the food. I assume your mum is on her own OP? In which case it can be very sad and lonely when you've got nobody to go away with.

If you can only afford one holiday a year of course you shouldn’t feel bad about it just being your nuclear family.

Your mum should be understanding of that.

Generally if grandparents want to go away with grandchildren they pay for the whole or a big contribution towards the holiday.

Yes, I was a lone parent and went on lots of holidays with my parents, sometimes they paid, sometimes we split costs.
I'm so glad I did, we have lots of lovely memories and my ds has/had a wonderful relationship with his grandparents. My mum died suddenly earlier this year and I've never been more grateful for those quality times we spent together on holiday.
I suppose it depends on your relationship with your mum really.

I don't but both my brothers regularly holiday with my parents. They all pay their own way but parents basically spend their holiday babysitting the kids.
I like you prefer we go away ourselves.

Thank you 😀 but I think it is just that you have to make it worth their while if you want your children/grandchildren to come. Nobody likes doing the same thing all the time. One day the kids/grandkids went to a theme park and my husband and I went first a fancy lunch and long walk.

We have just been on holiday with our children & grandchildren and yes, we paid!

But it was in celebration of a special occasion so not something we do usually

We’ve holidayed with my parents & siblings families ever since the first grandchildren were born. My parents always pay for the accommodation and we pay for our ownflights. Food is usually joint.

We usually alternate yearly between a week abroad / long weekend in the UK. We all get on very well but a week is enough for everyone!

I think it’s quite selfish of your mum
to make you feel guilty like this. It’s your only holiday of the year and she has already shown she is not willing to get stuck in and enjoy the holiday.

Me and my son have a holiday abroad just the two of us every year, plus a UK holiday with my mum, and yes, she insists on paying for the holiday with her (obviously I chip in for shopping, meals out etc). If she wasn't paying and I could only afford one holiday, I'd definitely prioritise me and my son's holiday most years, but he does love the holidays with his nan so I'd probably still want to do that every 2-3 years?

Growing up, we never went on holidays with grandparents. One set lived a 6 hour drive away and the other lived a 2.5hr drive away. We would go and visit (as a family) and stay for a few days but we never had a holiday as a larger extended family as such, they were all immediate family and, at times, family friends.

Did you go on holidays with your parents and grandparents when you were a child? If not then point that out to her!

My brother and sisters used to all go on holiday together with their parents and children! My mum died and they now take my step dad which I guess is a bit different. But they go at least once a year. They have individual holidays as well.