Holidays with grandparents

We do a mix. Since I was a child we did an annual holiday with my great grandparents, grandparents, auntie, uncle and our family unit. Now I have two children, we still go on these big group holidays but there’s a new generation of cousins who are under 10 and all love it. We book large houses/villas, share meals and spend lots of time going on walks and playing games into the night. It’s lovely and those holidays were my favorite as a child, but as an adult I usually do only 1 a year (my family goes abroad in July and within UK in October) and then my husband and I take our children on a holiday that we have full control of.
We always pay an equal share of these breaks but I accept the dynamic is different when there’s other children and not just your parents. Equally with it being a long standing annual thing in my family it’s not unexpected.

We go yearly. They pay for house/villa and we pay for travel and treat them to meals etc when we are there so I guess it works out fairly even. We love it. We don’t live near my
parents and my DC absolutely love time with their grandparents and cousins

I have to be strict with my DM and tell her no if I don't want her to come. She's been on several holidays with us and we have another one later this year, but sometimes we just don't want her with us.
Neither of my siblings invite her along, just me

I definitely wouldn't want to go on holiday abroad with either my parents or in-laws - I might consider it if it was something they were desperate to do and wanted to pay for it, like if it was a big birthday celebration or something, but I wouldn't like feeling as though I had to have "their" holiday because it was paid for with their money. I'd rather pay my own way and choose where to go and how to spend the time.

We did go to Center Parcs a few months ago with my PILs and everyone enjoyed that - so I would do that again but not a trip abroad. That was 4 nights and I had absolutely had enough of my FIL by the end.

This. I work too hard and have too few holidays to have it turned into an endurance exercise

We holiday with ours regularly and to all sorts of different places, some all inclusive abroad, some caravan breaks, eurocamps on the ferry etc. it's a mixture of who pays, they tend to get the more expensive breaks and I get Butlins, think I'm winning here!
I am a single parent however so that probably makes the decision easier, it's nice company for me, people on hand that I can get a break and go for a run or a walk and have some time to relax. My father almost died 2 years ago so it's really important to us to have this time together and my family have always embraced travel so this is our way connecting. My brother and his wife are coming as well next time and we're really looking forward to it.

That might not be because of the company that might be just cos it's Havens lol.

Not for everyone!
😀

This. We had a holiday with my mum and dad every year with the kids for 20 years as we would never have been able to afford to go otherwise. It was only at a holiday park but we loved it there. We all now have our wonderful memories now they are no longer with us. They were amazing too.

God no. Fil had a caravan(old style, very) and always wanted us to go but sadly we had too many kids to accommodate. I think there would have been a SOCO tent around it before the weekend was through.

I am a grandparent and we pay if my children/grandchildren holiday with us.

This!

It's easy to forget how different you can be when you aren't on anyone's home turf.

My parents make terrible hosts but good day to day company. My ILs make good hosts but on a day to day basis, we have a very different approach to day trips.

You can like each other just fine without a week in the same villa/campsite/cottage being a good idea.

Never been on holiday with either set of my children’s grandparents and absolutely no intention to!

We prefer to holiday alone but have gone away with both mine and dp’s parents over the years. They’ve usually paid, we contribute to cost of meals and taxis. It has meant we have visited some lovely places and had a lovely time with them, but there have been some challenges as well. The last couple of years they have taken dc on holiday and we’ve stayed behind which suits everyone. We get some child free time and kids and gp’s get to go on a nice holiday and spend quality time together.

Grandparent here. Every few years we have suggested (and heavily subsidised) a big family holiday. The trips have been geared towards things the grandchildren would enjoy. Everyone seems to have had a happy time - possibly because we do not insist on 100% togetherness and people can do their own thing. We would never dream of imposing ourselves on any holidays the families wish to take themselves, and indeed have turned down invitations to join them that we don't feel would work well for us. Now the grandchildren are hitting their teens I think such holidays will become far less frequent as their families want to do bigger/more energetic stuff that we are not really up for and don't want to spend our money travelling to (e.g. Disney or hiking up mountains)

I never went on holiday with GP when I was a child and now I’m a parent I can’t think of much that’s less appealing than having parents or PIL on holiday with us. I’d genuinely rather go to work and miss out on a holiday altogether than have to endure that.

I always assume when I see others on holiday with GP that the reason is because that’s the only way they could afford the holiday in the first place. Get a better job and then you can have your holidays of choice without having to compromise.

As GPs we used to take GCs away without the parents for a few days. Adult GCs love to tell us their memories of these times. Personally I think most GPs are not the ideal companions on families' main holiday as they generally have different ideas on parenting.

We did it twice - once with each DS, so with DS1 when he was 7 and I was pregnant with DS2, and a decade of so later when DS1 was a student and didn’t come. Both times we paid for most of it. It was mostly fine but there were incidents of overstepping and DH had to have words both times. I wouldn’t quite call it endurance but there were moments …

If my DM had lived I would have loved to have gone away with her as she would have tried any food, loved theme park rides etc. PIL are not like that.

BIL never invited them on their holidays.

I know it can work well. My DB and SIL often took her DM, both in the UK and abroad, and they all got on great, but she knew her DGC well whereas my PIL don’t.

OP, I’d just ignore her comments to be honest. Choose guilt over resentment- just accept you might feel a bit guilty but stick to your plans. Don’t invite her and then feel resentful.

This. I really enjoy spending a day with them or even a weekend but more - our tastes and lives are just too different.

I personally love big family holidays, but that's because our setup works for everyone. Everyone pays for themselves, and we don't share one big villa, or anything like that. We each book our own accommodation, and not necessarily at the same hotel either. We spend a lot of time together, especially during dinnertime, but we don't do everything together. Some things we do by ourselves, other things we do in smaller groups, and few things - such as dinner - we do together.

I think this works, because you get to spend time with your loved ones, but not to an extent where you become sick of them. Because you actually have time to yourself, too...

If you prefer to holiday with just your partner and children then don’t let your mum make you feel guilty.

Once with my parents, when the kids were younger. Parents paid.
Once with in-laws for a special occasion, and they paid.

Never again. It was horrendous. I can handle 2 days with them at most.
My teens definitely don’t want to do it either!
However we are a ND household, myself and both kids, and other people who don’t really get it are massive triggers for us all, so no surprise there.

I have never done this and never will.

My school driver paid for grand daughter to join them she 17. My mother is difficult. Its a different ball game bringing her away. So we dont. Siblings feel same)

we do, and my mum often pays for the accomodation (but not always) because she knows we couldn't afford it otherwise. She helps a bit with the kids but they often want to be with me anyway, and I'm conscious they're tedious tiring for her so we tend to peel off and do our own thing quite a bit.

On my partner's side we have a big family holiday in the UK maybe once every two years, because one of his siblings lives overseas so when they make the trip over we have a big extended family with all the siblings and their kids as well as PILs. We get a big house and all chip in for it. Don't think my PILs would have the spare cash to pay for any of their kids.

I don't think there's a right or wrong way but if it doesn't work for you, don't do it. Your mum is probably getting the instagram-perfect side of her friends' lives, just like we all do. How long do you go away for? Could you have her join you for some but not all? Or spend a week/end with her and then head off for another week just your immediate family?

DP is in is mid-30s and before we met a couple of years ago, he would always go on holiday with his parents or his grandparents (who are relatively young, active etc.) with either of them paying for everything for DP. Perfectly normal in that family. On our first few trips together, his grandmother would slip him an envelope with, like, $1000 of cash in it. 😂 Just a very loving and generous family. He’s an only child which definitely helps. We don’t have a kid yet, but if we do we will certainly be keeping up this tradition if we can afford it. I think it’s really lovely.