Holidays with grandparents

We’ve been away with both sets of grandparents. Neither paid and both times were fairly awful. We’re just back from a week away with my parents whom we get on with well and it was like having 4 children. Never again with either set of grandparents. We’re currently on 4 nights away just us to recover.

When our kids were younger (all grown adults now) we used to go on holiday once every other year with my mum but that was mainly because my stepdad died and she didnt want to put on us every Christmas so every other year we would go skiing, mum paid for most of it. We only once went on holiday with my Husbands parents and extended family once and we did really enjoy it but wouldnt want to do it every year or even every other year! So in answer to your question, no, I wouldn't want to give up a family holiday to go with my parents or in laws every year but I would do it once, maybe for a big birthday year or something. Having said that, my kids and grandkids seem very keen to come on holiday with us, me not so keen 😆

When our kids were younger (all grown adults now) we used to go on holiday once every other year with my mum but that was mainly because my stepdad died and she didnt want to put on us every Christmas so every other year we would go skiing, mum paid for most of it. We only once went on holiday with my Husbands parents and extended family once and we did really enjoy it but wouldnt want to do it every year or even every other year! So in answer to your question, no, I wouldn't want to give up a family holiday to go with my parents or in laws every year but I would do it once, maybe for a big birthday year or something.

The only people I know who holidayed like that had parents who were very supportive, understood boundaries (both ways) and actually helped…oh and at least paid their way. Basically the kind of parent-adult child relationship that is very good all year round due to mutual respect. People communicate well, work together and no one goes in a huff. In the minority.

We had a holiday with in-laws once when our youngest was a toddler. We asked them in they wanted to come and when they said yes booked a three bed rather than a two bed cottage. They just assumed we were paying. Ok…They also let us pay for all the meals out and all the groceries without even offering 😮. Oh and do all the cooking and clearing up. The only time they helped was one evening when they insisted we go to the local pub and they would babysit (toddler already asleep in bed). We didn’t really want to go…but felt obliged to due to the fuss they were making. That was 20 years ago - never again! I don’t know what we expected really as this is very much their MO.

always away with my parents - they dont pay for us - they pay for themselves

but they babysit loads so get time to hang out with my husband and have pool time and relaxation as well

they get own apartment and we dont always eat together or do things together - its a seperate holiday but we meet up some meals and for drinks some evenings

Yes we regularly holiday with our parents. My in-laws pay most of the time but we have split costs a couple of times. My mum splits costs when we go away.

DC are now young adults, but we have never had so much as a weekend away with either set of our parents… we have the sort of parents that liked to tell everyone they would take the kids to Disneyland etc (including the kids) and never taking them!

I love my grandkids but not bothered about going on holiday with them. Sounds too much like hard work.

My parents moved to the med when their first two grandchildren (elder one mine) were toddlers. We were then expected to go there every holiday. It was, frankly, a drag. We are now grandparents and try to be sensitive as to invites but be there when needed to help out. We did take our daughter, son-in-law and grandchild to Africa on safari as our treat to lay down some memories (luckily, they said it was magical so I think they enjoyed it as much as we did). So I definitely think your mother is being unreasonable. I would never expect the younger generation who are working hard, paying horrible mortgages, to give up their holiday entitlement and their holiday budget, to accommodate me. Do not feel guilty. Any parent who tries to make a child feel guilty needs to grow up, frankly.

We had holidays every year with my dad and his partner sometimes for 3-4 weeks during that time my adult children might of joined us for a weekend or a week, they are some of my favourite memories, I lost my dad suddenly in December and I am so lucky I had those holidays to look back on and cherish.

We are a blended family and take all 5 adult children, partners and children (only 1 so far) skiing every year. If we weren’t paying I doubt they’d come.

I’ve only been on holiday with grandparents once because they paid for it. She didn’t enjoy it very much with the grandkids! Was never to be repeated. We didn’t particularly love going with them as they were a bit controlling with where we went. Towards the end of the holiday, we all went on our separate days out. Most of my friends do not holiday with grandparents, I know of one who does regularly because they pay for it.

I always went on holiday with my grandparents as we went back to a place my family had been going to in north cornwall since the 60s. We likely couldn't have afforded it without them and it seemed unthinkable to not go as group. This was pre and post my mum and dad divorcing.

We now invite my mum on that week if we go there, carrying on the tradition. Mum pays a third. She's single and very adventurous re her own holidays by herself and with friends. She pays towards food and will also buy meals out and tea and cake etc, same as we do.
We get a night where we go out without our son and she watches him.
I love my memories of holidays with my grandparents and I know they treasured them. I hope my son does the same.

We would also go away for another week on own own elsewhere and maybe another few days once or twice a year.

The fact your mum is being passive aggressive about it makes it completely understandable that spending your one holiday a year with her does not appeal!
Even if you had a better dynamic, it's up to you how you spend your holiday.
Do your thing, guilt free.
No need to explain yourself either.

We did go to France and Portugal for a week both times, with my parents, but this was before my son was born. We have gone away for a week to Majorca with them when my son was 2. Since then it's been a few days at a time and not regularly. We prefer to go away, just the 3 of us.

My children are adults now, but we did a few holidays with my parents (never PIL, DH and I didn't have that kind of relationship with them, and they holidayed very differently than us). We always paid our own way, apart from a big milestone birthday where my parents paid for a big villa in France that we all went to. DH and I get on very well with my parents, and although they weren't 'on the floor playing' kind of grandparents with the children, they've always helped out when needed (they live 1.5 hrs away, so not day-to-day help, but when needed), and have become much more interested as the children were growing up (and IMO became more interesting!).

My advice is to always ensure there is enough space - no sleeping on sofas or too many people to a room - and make sure you build in stuff to do apart from each other in the day.

We do a lot of group holidays, this is how we stay harmonious.

We always do one holiday a year with our daughters and granddaughter usually with a couple of friends too . We get a villa with a pool and a couple of cars . We pay for the villa and the girls flights and the friends pay for their own flights .
we’ve just come back from a great week away in Spain . We all chip in for the shopping and meals out .

Haven’t been on holiday with either of my parents since I was about 12 and I definitely wouldn’t expect them to pay if we did. We go abroad once a a year and couldn’t imagine a worse set up than having my mum or my mother in law there.

I'm so glad you have those beautiful memories, it's what life is all about (imo)

We used to go to a French villa for 2 weeks and in laws would come out for a week in the middle (and help with expenses).

I live in a different country to my family so I always go on holiday with my DD, parents, brothers and nephews. My parents and I pay for all and we are better financially than the rest. In the past when my brothers were capable of it they paid their shared and even all but unfortunately they have a health condition and none can work at the moment.
I suppose that there is not a rule and each family is different. Some will go, some won't, some pay some won't.

Good enough reason not to have her along on your only holiday of the year, for sure!

We go on holiday with just the 4 of us, in August; go with the in-laws camping at the end of August.
We cannot afford the type of holidays my parents like to go on, so we don’t holiday with them. However, they will often take one or other of our children with them (taking advantage of free child spaces)

We stay with my family for a week in summer. I hate it, I hate where they live and I hate the journey and I hate not being able to do what I want. Child loves it though so I pretend to.

In the past, we’ve done two self catering holidays in England with son, DiL and grandchildren. Daughter and SiL came on one.

We had a big house and each group did their own thing during the day if they wanted to. We did a couple of beach days, rockpooling, building sand castles etc, but on other days we just came together in the evening. We paid for the house and we shared food costs.