Holidays with grandparents

My parents lived nearby when DC small and they did regular baby siting and days out. My mum was blind in later life so their holidays became UK breaks as a couple because it was manageable.

We had holidays with my MIL every spring. We paid a share in a UK holiday let. She never asked us for the full amount. I sort of wish she had as she wasn't good with money.

As a child, the equivalent of a GP - my father's eldest sister - took the younger nieces to her caravan in Wales. It always rained, we didn't care and built strong bonds that still remain 50 years later.

We've taken my mum ever since she was widowed. It's become an expectation that, as she realistically gets nearer the end of her life, gets harder to break. She pays her way but doesn't particularly help with the kids.

However, I do know she appreciates it in her own way and some of her friends remind her how fortunate she is.

Luckily we enjoy similar types of holiday.

We've been once with DH's family but that was for a 65th birthday celebration. I've taken the kids away with my Mum a couple of times but that was a 2nd holiday & done purely because DH doesn't like my Mum-understandable.
Despite my in-laws holidaying with Sil's family numerous times they have turned down every invitation from us, unsure why but am now at a point where I don't care either, other than thinking it must be hurtful to DH.
I'm happy to holiday as just us tbh.

Similar.
When DD was a child we had several holidays with PILs. Not every holiday, we had some for just us, but a fair few from babyhood to when DD was mid,-teens.

They did not pay for us we split finances between us. We all got on well so it was fine and nice for them to spend time with DD as they didn't live close.

I holiday with my mum alone, my mother in law alone, and my husband and his mum or my mum and my mum and dad. We don't have any particular order or expectations of how often or when it will happen. We're going to Spain with my mum this summer and she's paid for herself and we have paid for ourselves. My parents have also paid for us a few times by booking a big house and inviting us for part of the holiday. If there are a lot of comments, why don't you ask your mum about it? Mum, you seem to be wanting to go on holiday with us but when we went to the caravan, I felt you didn't really enjoy it. Would you like to do some day trips over summer? If she says no I want to come to Spain with you, surely you can ask how she thinks it will be different than the caravan etc? Maybe she'd like a night away with just you? If you generally have a good relationship, perhaps it's just some extra connection she's wanting and not a paid for holiday.

We go away every year with my daughter. Son in law and grandgirlie. So far it’s been in the U.K. twice to Centre Parcs. Next time is to Norfolk. We treat them and as far as I’m aware (!) everyone has a good time. Possibly the trick is to do some things together and have some time doing our own thing during the hokiday. Anyway, it seems to work well. We are a close family anyway so maybe that’s what makes the difference. I feel very lucky that they want to come with us.

We used to holiday with both sets of grandparents as children - but they definitely always paid for everyone! We used to also holiday as a nuclear family too. My parents would not want to holiday with our DC but my inlaws would, again they would pay. My inlaws live on the coast so just going to see them is like a holiday to be honest.

What should happen if you couldn't afford more than one holiday and you want to spend that holiday with your partner and kids, then the in-laws offe to pay for another holiday with them. Do you have to say no because you can't afford to pay to go with your own parents? (and they can't or won't pay for everyone).

We did a villa with my mum couple of times when my DC were small, and mum and I also had a few cottage weeks in the UK with the kids and left DH at home. However, I always paid for all of it. Haven’t done it for years, and she’s increasingly too tired/ill/generally out of sorts, so it wouldn’t be a holiday for anyone.

In your case, OP, can you talk in terms of ‘Jenny and Steve take Hannah and her family on holiday’? Honestly, there is no way I would want to always have my Mum/MIL with us on our only holiday of the year, however well we get on.

Dd2 goes away with her pil every year. The first time the pil paid (5* AI) as they really wanted to go and dd2 wasn't sure but last time pil paid 2/3 and dd2 paid 1/3. Pil paid more as they wanted to go to the same resort which was more expensive than dd2 could afford. They did all have a good time and dd2 really appreciates her mil. Her pil also looked after their dc when she went abroad with her dh for a short break. Dd2 does have multiple holidays without them as well.

We go at least every other year with my parents - they heavily subsidise as they like (and can afford) more luxurious holidays than us. They still have separate holidays on those years and we often have a smaller trip just our household too.

We don’t do the same with DHs parents - partly logistics (they’re divorced with new partners which feels more awkward), partly finances (we’d have to pay) and partly we just don’t have the same relationship with them and it would be stilted / not as fun.

I go on a small holiday with my parents and kids once a year, it’s normally a mid week camping/caravan holiday for 3/4 nights and husband stays at home and works. Parents will usually pay for the accomodation for us. Haven’t been on a foreign holiday with them for years, as we enjoy very different types of holidays. This way we still get our normal family holiday on our own as well then

I also don’t think it would be fair to only ever holiday with the parents who can afford to pay for everyone if other parents couldn’t afford this and then don’t get any time because of their financial situation

I did it most years and with wider family. My parents would pay for one kid, couldn’t afford more but paid for meals. I loved it as I love spending time with my parents as did my partner and children. Probably is my most treasured memories and sad it won’t happen again. I also went lost if holidays with my grandparents and had the best time. When it was just my gran left my parents paid for her

You definitely aren’t being unreasonable (it’s up to you what you would enjoy) but we do holiday with both sets of grandparents (and we usually pay) but this is because (1) we have young kids and no support during the rest of the year because both grandparents live overseas; (2) it’s an opportunity for the kids to spend time with grandparents and for us to have a tiny bit of a holiday too without dumping the kids with strangers; (3) grandparents are both really helpful eg if we go to self contained places they do most of the cooking. Things might change as the kids get older and more self sufficient but for now it works for us.

We do a family holiday just our household. However we do tend to do things with grandparents too. Mum and dad have booked ten days at a caravan park in September. Me and my son are joining them for one of the weekends. Mum and dad paid for that. May half term I have booked a caravan holiday to coincide with a family wedding nearby. My mum and dad will join us for that. I paid for this one.

we used to do a fair few trips with my mil too when she was recently widowed. However she had entered her travel guide era and is pretty booked up with her friends. We will be going away with her next year as she has a big birthday. We usually pay for her which is odd as she is a richer pensioner than my parents but she has more children and worries about being fair. My parents don’t have those issues and so we tend to take turns more etc.

I love my Mum to bits, if our holidays match up she always comes with us. We pay for ourselves. If my mum wants some peace and quiet we take the kids out and she relaxes. She’s not expected to pay for us or look after the kids at all and I genuinely enjoy her company.
I’ve holidayed with the in-laws also and same set up as long as I’ve got my own space to retreat too ❤️
(I wouldn’t holiday with my Dad 😅. Love him, but no haha)

I’ve been away with mine 3 times and no they don’t pay. It’s lovely to spend time with them and they support with the kids.

They aren’t overbearing though and do their own thing half the time

I go on holiday with my mom and my son. We tend to pay half or I pay for onsite and she pays for travel.
I haven’t had the budget to book a holiday just me and my son yet but I think it might be a bit awkward when I do.

Just say that’s nice Mum, and move on to the weather.

With my ex partner and two older children we went a handful of times with my parents and we paid for ourselves, I think they maybe paid a bit towards our holiday but not much. My Mum and Dad separated and then me and my ex separated so no one had many holidays for maybe a decade. We’ve just the last two years started going abroad with the younger kids and newer (long term) partner and we invited my Mum on our 1st one. She didn’t pay anything towards our holiday and we actually ended up paying a bit extra because we paid for a private transfer, pre-booked seats that we hadn’t thought about etc and didn’t ask her for money towards it. My Mum was slightly annoying on holiday, we didn’t argue or anything but she constantly put up parasols so the sun wasn’t on me so I had to move (instead of moving herself) she made herself ill by drinking and eating too much, she wasn’t very mobile which isn’t her fault but she didn’t even try and get her fitness up a bit by walking before we went (and this is something she does each summer anyway usually 🙈) so I decided that because it wasn’t a habit that we would just go this year without her and not even mention any reason why she wasn’t invited, after all, it’s perfectly normal for a family to go away without extended family. Well my son asked her if she was coming 😂 she said ‘ask Mummy and Daddy if I can come next time.’ So we’re going twice this year because obviously she guilt tripped me. I don’t plan on doing it going forward though as we can only afford one holiday usually and I think it’s fine not to go with her every year. I feel a bit annoyed now though because she went away abroad with a friend this year and has booked to go again next year so I didn’t really need to feel like she wouldn’t get away without us. I won’t feel obliged next year put it that way.

I wouldn’t even acknowledge what she’s saying. If you think you would feel guilty if she passed and you hadn’t been with her ever then maybe have one holiday with her. Unless you get on exceptionally well in my opinion it is a bit of a holiday spoiler.

As the gp here, I took my daughter and family once. Not something I would do again. However I now take grand child away for a week each year ( infant school age) everyone happy

Not as a rule, but we do spend holidays with one grandparent (my mum, DD's grandma) from time to time. Will be going to Nice and the surroundings for a month this August, but this is not an every-year thing. No, she didn't pay; I'm covering DD and myself.

We go abroad at least 5 times a year, so one holiday with grandparent (s) is fine with us. Wouldn't do it if it would be my only holiday, no.

We have done this many times in the past with either set of parents and always split the cost. It was a good way to spend time with our parents (they didn't live close to us) and they did some childcare to give us some couple time. It also brought down the cost of accommodation and lightened the load of meal prep etc. Or course they occasionally did my head in but mostly we had fun.

Sadly the last time we did this was heartbreaking due to the worsening of mum's dementia. I am very glad for the memories of better times and miss what we once had.