WIBU about paid work responsibilities?

You need to get smart, OP. You have money, use it

Why are you spending your precious time off food shopping and cleaning? Get a cleaner, even every 2 weeks helps. Get a supermarket delivery pass, order a weekly grocery delivery, fill the freezer with batch cook/Cook ready meals. Start an earlier bedtime routine for your kid.

Most of all, make time and space in your life for you, whatever that means - a weekly long walk, a class, something you enjoy that means everything else stops.

It sounds to me like you’re resenting living in the life you’ve got while lamenting the life you used to have/think DH can change to give you. The sooner you realise you’re the captain of your own ship, the better. You’re in an excellent position career wise and life can only get easier - you are in charge of what happens next.

'jobs' - but like, what happens if those jobs don't get done (also, window washing/gutter cleaning is a few times a year, not a few times a week unlike laundry)

Ultimately my ex is an ex, but when he tried this stuff on me, I went with the 'do you want to do mornings or bedtimes - because we both work, so it's fair you do one' and he did bed times (And foolishly, I'd tidy up downstairs while he did it - after I'd reminded him to do it - whereas he just slept while I dealt with mornings) . It's worth a try - even if just on the days you both work (And the weekends). It's hard to argue against.

Ultimately though, he's not going to do anything, and we both know it. He's just looking for a way to either wring more work out of you, or have an excuse to divorce - so keep an eye on that, and don't over-commit to anything for hiim.

Oh, no no no.

I was getting prepared to give him the benefit of the doubt, but your latest updates show his true colours. Can’t even be arsed to take his own child for a half-hour haircut?

I think we’re in “under no circumstances should you increase hours” territory. As a PP said, he’s either lining things up so he gets more assets in a divorce, or he has cocklodger mates with doormat wives and feels hard done by that he can’t also indulge his manchild tendencies like them.

He’s never going to agree to an equal split, so if I were you I’d be taking steps to kick the fucker out.

The rest of the weekend he’s doing “jobs”, but think a day pottering in the garden, 2hours plus washing his car. He will also do his exercise. He will do jobs that I would just outsource, like window cleaning and gutter cleaning but he refuses to pay for someone else to come in and do it. To be fair, he does do some jobs in the house

Send the 5 year old outside with him though? My DH would have our 2&4 year old with him when doing garden work or washing the car.

It sounds like without his overtime you wouldn’t be able to go on holiday or save so I can see his point that it’s needed. And realistically 2 days off when you have one 5 year old is a real luxury. It does make more sense for you to see if you can up one day and then he can drop the overtime and your household finances would actually be better off.
But you do seem set on keeping your 2 days off.

I wondered that too. Whose idea was it to have a child?

The more I read the more I wonder why you are with him. He brings nothing to your life except money.
Frankly I think you should go do 4 days a week at work and divorce him. You won't notice a difference. If anything you'll have less to do as you won't have to pick up after a man child.
He wants you working full time but it's obvious from what you said he still won't do anything around the house or with the kids so leave him. He's a waste of space.

If your salary is 50 percent of income without husband's overtime, would it make more financial sense for you to go full-time and your husband 3 days?

How spiteful and petty is he ?!

Imagine living in a nice two bed place with your child, getting CSA and peace at the weekend during his contact time

Bliss!

One thing really sticks out - I do a bit of catch up work on my days off.
Yeah - so you aren't getting a day off are you? I work 3 days a week but I also have a side hustle that takes at least 1 full day more a week and sometimes 2. And therefore the reality is that I'm never really off. It's not as bad as full time but I certainly work more than 3 days. Factor in all of the children's mental load and 80% of the housework and yes I'm knackered too. (Currently on MN instead of working!!) So I don't think you do just work 3 days a week do you?

And he’s a selfish git. Sorry OP. You need to have a big chat with him. Are you happy?

It seems ‘obvious’ to me that he is doing all this overtime to avoid being at home and any caring responsibilities etc.

Why does he get to decide?

Don't agree to this OP, he is not going to take on any of the domestic or childcare load, it's screamingly obvious from his attitude. 2 hours washing his car FFS.

Did he want to be a parent? The faffing about at weekends sounds like he wants to get out of parenting. Hes in his 50s with a young child. He wants you to work full time while doing 100% of the child rearing.

Based on your latest updates, he sounds like a lazy dickhead

Of course you will! Your DH doesn'tvseem to even see there is an unpaid workload to be shared. Or care that you are worn out already working part-time. Frankly, his suggestion that you need to up your hours, when you're already at burn-out, before he will even consider doing more says it all about how he sees you.

Is he ready to do school runs and doctor’s appointments? Things like laundry and shopping are still flexible. Unless he is ready to reorganize his workdays around having a child, this discussion can’t go very far.

I just don't know how men can get on like this and have any self respect. The utter selfishness of trying to squeeze more out of someone at capacity in order to get yet more time off when he already has evenings and a large chunk of the weekend to do whatever he wants.

Just say no, OP. You're maxed out and if he wants to take some of the load off you such that you feel less overwhelmed then great, you'll maybe reconsider at that point once you feel better.

Your DH sounds like an arse TBF. Are you happy in this relationship?

So, he CLAIMS he wants to work fewer hours, and to do that, you will have to do MORE hours, but he's not willing to do even the bare minimum currently? So really, he wants to do fewer hours but with no shift in household earnings. Meanwhile, he consistently does not prioritise you or your family and spends his time working or pottering around or watching tv.

If I was more cynical, I'd wonder if he wants you earning more so that in a divorce he can justify getting more of the assets/ pay you less.

If he can't even take a child for a hair cut by himself, a hair cut booked by you in advance, I'm struggling to see how he think she's ever goign to be able to take on more of the mental and physical load.

He sounds like a waste of space to me. I suspect you'd feel a lot less burnt out as a single parent. At least thhen you wouldn't have expectations of help from him, nor would you have to manage him and his uselessness.

This is unacceptable.