Do you get jealous if your man talks to other women on nights out?

If he went to a table full of women and asked "mind if I join you" and spent the evening taking to them, I would not be happy. If he was in a mixed group and talked to the women in the group. That is fine. If he was sitting at the bar and a woman sat next to him and they exchanged some small talk, that's fine.

I feel like for me the difference would be if he goes out of way to find women to talk to or if it is just taking to other people who happen to be women.

It only bothers me when he sweeps the glasses off the bar, lifts her up on to it and starts kissing her.

Glass bill gets really expensive and he's been banned from Wetherspoons.

Utter bollocks

Yes. I wouldn’t feel anything. What’s happened? Was he chatting to a woman when he was out without you?

How would you know? Do you ask him about everyone he spoke with? Are we talking quick chats or deep conversations? If you are asking for a minute by minute update then you have problems.
How many years have you been together? If you’re seething while he speaks to your friend, he’ll be aware of it, just like my ex, I could feel the tr sun run through me. If I am right, then you need to back off and get some counselling.
So many questions.

No I don't. I've been cheated on in the past so I understand to a degree. I remember my mum saying to me years ago that if a man wants to cheat on you he will. Being jealous (and I was) won't actually change that or stop him, it just means that you have that constant feeling in your stomach and it's pointless. I feel like that was actually a lightbulb moment for me and it completely changed my view.

DH and I have been together for 25 years and i don't think for a second that he would cheat on me. He knows that if he did, he would be throwing away what we've built together. It's a no brainer for me and he knows that. Plus, he's not a dick.

What do you mean by talk to?

Passing the time of day at the bar fine. Spending all evening flirting with the same woman, not so much.

No, we’re together 20 years. I was very insecure when we first got together, paranoid too, my ex was the flirtatious type and cheated, lied, he was jealous and hated me even looking at another man.

DH is the opposite, he doesn’t flirt and he’s not insecure, we often separate on nights out as it’s usually an occasion with family and friends. I chat to everyone there, something that I couldn’t do with my ex.

There is usually a reason why your gut is off.

It depends what you mean by “talked to” - having a 30 minute conversation with a stranger leaving me / our friends at our table, would be a bit odd. Casually striking up a chat for a minute at the bar with others whilst waiting to be served, or the group behind our group in whilst we’re all in the queue to get into the theatre / nightclub, totally normal. Life gets very hard and restrictive if you can’t exchange a pleasantry with a stranger in public.

Interesting. I feel this sometimes. Not because I fear cheating or have been cheated on, but because it feels like rejection. He'd rather talk to someone else than spend the evening with me. It happens when he spends a large part of an evening out talking to male friends too, which I understand is ridiculous, talking to other people is the reason we're there, but feelings aren't rational.

You’ve recognised you’re being ridiculous which is good. I don’t mean this in a harsh way, but you need to stop referring to him as “your man”. He’s not a possession. It doesn’t bother me either if my husband spoke to other women in the friendship group even on a one to one if we were out. Just like I speak to other men in the group.

start perhaps not thinking of your partner/husband as “your man”

Nope I don't feel jealous, my husband has a hobby and a corporate job and is well respected and liked at both. Anytime we go out to anything for either of these groups it's clear there are women who find him very attractive not just as a man but as a person. It's never made me feel jealous, it makes me feel mind of proud of him, he has always been a very shy man who works hard to be social and I love to see that being admired. I swear to you he has no idea anyone would find him attractive and poopoos it if I tease him

Why is a man always to blame when a women has issues? why is it his fault she is jealous?

If a man thought & acted like this towards a women it would be red flags galore and labelled what it is controlling

she is paranoid it cant be dressed up any other way and this is her issue

Who are these women he is talking to on his nights out OP?

If they are part of his friendship group or he knows them in some capacity then yes I think being jealous is unreasonable.

However if he and his pals are striking up conversations with random women,whom they presumably find attractive or they wouldn't be bothering talking to them, then I think being uncomfortable about it is a very reasonable reaction on your part.

You are blaming him for her irrational behaviour? Imagine a man doing this to a woman and saying it’s because I was cheated on before. It’s controlling and possessive. She’s not on about one woman, it’s any woman.

The op needs to find a way around her trust issues. Not him.

This is ridiculous. Like proper screaming ridiculous.

the fact her gut is screaming at her is due to her issues, not as he’s doing something wrong,

Op you say you trust your gut but your gut is actually screaming at you that something isn’t right with how he’s behaving. A man that made you feel comfortable in your relationship would help heal the past feelings that he was up to no good, not be firing up old wounds. Be honest with yourself and ask why his behaviour is triggering because I guarantee you it’s not just you. You’ve unwittingly trained to detect dishonesty and your nervous system is doing its job. If I’m wrong, you need professional help to deal with that but I do think we pathologise normal reactions too much.

a safe man wouldn’t have you feeling like this regardless of the past

Not jealousy, no. But then dh is the kind of person who speaks to everyone. I am sometimes left sitting there on my own while he makes a beeline towards someone else. This pisses me off a bit, but mainly because I'm just not the social butterfly he is, and I'm not great at striking up conversation with someone I don't know.

My friends? Nope.
his friends? Nope.

a half hour chat with someone he’s never had before? I’d question for sure, just because - why?

I wouldn’t be very impressed if he started chatting to some random woman when he was out with me, it’s just rude. I don’t have any problem with him chatting to women he knows /we are out with.

I have some sympathy Op. Have you talked to your boyfriend about your feelings? They’re rooted in reality; your ex breached your trust and now those feelings of insecurity get ignited with your current partner.
Would setting guidelines help? Eg I think it would be quite reasonable to feel challenged if your boyfriend spends more time talking to other women than to you. If that’s the case just tell him you don’t like it and would like him to focus more on men.
Is he ever in separate contact with other women? That could be another area for discussion.
I think you need to talk to him. Don’t ignore your feelings; try to find ways of allaying your fears.

But she is being paranoid. Its paranoid to be out with a group of friends and be "insanely jealous " that is not normal. Its not really even understandable that just because a previous partner was flirty and cheated, your current partner having normal conversations is wrong.