Do you get jealous if your man talks to other women on nights out?

I think it depends. If he approached a woman specifically to try and talk to her I wouldn’t like it (although if he was out with friends I doubt I’d know tbh).

We often go out with a mixed group of friends, mostly couples, and I don’t care who he talks to there. We’ve known them all years and years, we go to parties/weddings etc and all the couples mix and dance, chat and laugh with whoever and it’s all fine.

Similarly on work nights out, he definitely talks to women as the majority of his colleagues are female. I think it’s the same as me, you talk to the people you know, whether they’re men or women.

With my friends I’m glad he talks to them - some of husbands aren’t overly friendly and it’s bloody awkward for me. Only real downside is that he’s always Mr Perfect Husband for those 5 minutes so my friends think he’s great - quite irritating if I want to moan about him.

OP you need to do whatever will help you move past this, it isn’t fair to either of you otherwise. He can’t not talk to women because you don’t like it and you shouldn’t be so stressed about it as that’s not nice either.

I quite like it. Makes me fancy him more. I'm clearly not well 😂

Fuck me OP.

You studied a photo this closely??

Have you sought any counselling?

I don’t think that’s the norm no. I couldn’t care less if my dh talks to my friends or women we are out with . Why would you be worried about him talking to your friends ? What do you think will happen ? It does sound a bit controlling .

Jealousy itself is a secondary emotion. It's an emotion caused by another emotion.

Usually either envy - This person has something I wish I had, so I am jealous of them

Or fear - I have something, and I'm scared of it being taken away.

Or Anger - This thing is mine, how dare she expect me to share it.

You're not going to be able to deal with the jealousy without getting to the root of the primary emotion that's triggering it.

In your case, I'm guessing it's fear. You already have the thing (a relationship with your partner), so it's not going to be envy. And angry people tend to think their jealousy is justified, so it's unlikely to be that.

So the question is, what are you scared of? What is it about your partner talking to others is it that triggers you. Is it to do with worries about his faithfulness, your own self esteem, or something thats not right about the relationship itself.

Thats your starting point, and then start digging from there.

Yes, because I don’t live in some sort of grim segregated society where it’s assumed that men and women can have no reason to communicate beyond reproduction.

No absolutely not although i would have a problem with flirting. No issue with fun banter but that can cross into flirting i suppose.

Absolutely disagree on setting 'guidelines'. It's controlling behaviour to tell your partner how much he should talk to women vs men, and to limit time spent with women when you're not there. I have total sympathy for you OP, but as you've said you have no reason to not trust your current partner and that this is due to your past, this is very much a case of needing to deal with your own reactions - would recommend therapy for this if possible.

Like Mike Pence!

So you would prefer if your friend’s “hey bob how are you? How’s work?”

that he what?

stood completely silent like he was deaf?

held up a card that said “Alice will only feel comfortable if I converse only with males”

stayed next to you all night so you could hear every word?

what is the perfect solution of his behaviour for you?

It’s sad. I understand it though. You are driving yourself insane zooming in on a photograph. He’ll be one of those men who shout “don’t talk to me I have a wife” the terrified type.
I really feel for you. You need to see a professional as you’ll drive him away. You cannot ask him never to speak to a woman when you are not there.
You mentioned you get jealous when he speaks to your friends too. You are suffering badly on the inside. Stop analysing him and start working on yourself. Speak to a professional asap. Good luck. 💐

There is no point in being jealous in my opinion. You can't control what another person thinks or feels privately and you feeling jealous won't stop them being attracted to other people or if it came to it cheating. I feel attracted to other men I sometimes chat to or see but I have zero intention of acting on it and I assume my husband is the same, he isn't dead but like me he's committed to our relationship. If jealousy, suspicion and paranoia were to infect our relationship that would only be detrimental.

I would talk to another man on a night out yes. And I expect he would talk to other women.

However that’s as far as it would go and whilst I know nothing would happen with either of us - I don’t like the thought of him doing it.

Double standards - and because of that I would never say anything to him or expect him not to. I just don’t like it. 🤔

do you ever talk to men? Imagine if the boot was on another foot…. I mean generally in life it’s almost impossible to not talk to opposite sex.

If I’m out with my friends then I’m out to spend time with my friends - so I’m not going to disappear off to talk to a stranger for an hour in a bar or club, flirty or otherwise. But yes, I will chat to men and women in bars and clubs in passing, and at a big house party or social event everyone just talks to everyone else in a friendly way. I imagine DH is likewise, I can’t say we’ve ever discussed it.

Nights out with my DH are extremely rare as we don't have a babysitter we could use (it happens about twice a year when PILs visit). DH and I spend those nights as a couple and we just talk to each other. I'd be a bit peeved if he spent any of that time speaking to anyone else because it's a rare chance for us to connect as a couple. But it would make no difference if it was a man or a woman, so it's not about jealousy.

The only other time we might chat to opposite sex friends are other colleagues or other parents, and I don't feel jealous about that as they feel a bit off-limits and we just feel obliged to talk out of politeness. DH would never want to chat to some random female he'd just met and neither would I, we try to avoid being sociable as much as we can!

Your feelings are valid. Its what you do with those feelings that matters.

What have I just read?

I think it’s good you recognise how you’re feeling and you’re not allowing it to try and control his behaviour. Generally I don’t think anything if my husband chats to my friends, in fact he’ll often give them a lift home solo (we have young kids and so someone needs to be at home) and it doesn’t occur to me to feel jealous.

I guess I could feel jealous if he was overtly flirting with someone, but I’d actually more likely feel pissed off about it. But flirting to me would be obvious things like giving someone undivided attention all night, touching in some way, suggestive chat or overly complimentary. I’ve never seen my dh be like though. He can be chatty and smiley but I’d perceive that as friendly rather than flirty.

I mean I can chat to men on nights out or at work and it’s just chatting, so in my head it’s the same for dh. Socially many scenarios are a mix of men and women and I think it would be odd and unrealistic to expect a partner to only engage with the same sex.

I also do believe that if someone wants to cheat, they will and so I don’t think it’s something I can control in that sense. My dh knows that cheating would be the end of our relationship and all I can do is hope he never crosses that line and to be honest, if the only way of preventing him from crossing it was to control his behaviour by saying he can’t speak to other women, then he’s not the kind of guy I want anyway!

I've been with DH for 22 years. Previously I was with someone who liked to 'keep me on my toes' by flirting, and by dictating what i wore, how I behaved in order to 'deserve him' and who yes cheated.

It took a number of years to get over that sort of gut reaction with DH. DH is totally solid and we are completely strong. But I would say it took a good decade before I felt sure within myself about that. If I feel a twinge of jealousy ever I just remind myself that it's good to feel like that over someone I have been with for so long. It adds a sense of spice for me, not fear. I know DH has no concerns about me, and I have no concerns about him. But I think I'm lucky that way. If you are genunely worried where there is nothing to worry about it's good to think it through and talk it through. And to examine if this is something that might harm your relationship, then you need to consider that hard.

It's going to be a tough one for you to seperate out the issue. 1) is he cheating on you or 2) is it that you are insecure?

For me, I've never been with someone who cheated and I've never felt insecure. Of my 3 significant relationships, they were all handsome with attractive personalities who had options other than being with me. I was never worried when they talked with othr women, including when women flirted with them. Security in a relationship doesn't come from the absence of others being interested in your partner, the absence of opportunity, it comes from trusting the commitment they have to you. That commitment can turn of course, and at that point there's nothing for it but to end the relationship. Jealousy can be a defensive controlling feeling to manage insecurity, but it just muddies things. The fix for it is to develop the inner resources, the confidence, to know that you can manage if the relationship fails.