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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel burnt out as a single mum and move house

32 replies

Onetimequestion · 20/07/2026 21:54

Sorry it’s long.

Single mum to two kids, 12 and 17. Widowed 9 years ago so everything has fallen to me. We were young so didn’t think of life insurance and we rented so I had nothing and had 2 kids to support so have had to work my socks off and it’s felt relentless. Had a 3 year relationship which I ended a year ago as he wanted to move in (and with his kids p/t) and I always said I wasn’t going to blend til all kids had moved out.

I feel exhausted. I want to cry all the time. I work almost full time self employed. Life is quite good, nothing specific to cry about, but I feel ground down. Work is getting harder and I’m not motivated by it. My home which I rent is too much work. It’s a period property and never feels done. There’s always a job to do and it feels like constant hard work, but it’s given me and my kids stability for 6 years and great location. A cleaner wouldn’t help and tbh I can’t justify the cost as I can stay on top of that, it’s things like then gardens, the hedges, a leak, things not working (which the landlord sorts, but being an older house it happens more frequently).

Eldest is going to university in Oct. WIBU to think about moving? Somewhere smaller and newer but still enough space for when eldest comes home in holidays. I worry about instability of renting and all the upheaval of that. genuinely think that the house is also making me feel burnt out because I can never relax here, but also worry if I’m just placing my feelings on to my home and really the problem is inside me and because of my work worries.

Any thoughts to help me think about how to feel like my life is in order and feel more content, please. Feel like I don’t trust my own decisions at the moment.

OP posts:
NerdyBird · 20/07/2026 22:36

I feel you OP. I am widowed less than 2 years and struggle with our house - what with working and childcare and all the other things it’s hard to do anything other than the basics, so then all the big stuff builds up. It’s the first week of holidays and I’m not relaxing but getting chores done. I won’t have time otherwise. If you think moving would help you it’s worth serious consideration.

GeorgeA12 · 20/07/2026 22:18

You've got loads going on, burnt out, parenting, working, daughter off to uni, home. That's an awful lot to be carrying. What helped me was writing everything down and journaling. Your not going to be this burnt out forever so are there little things you can go to help in the short term to make things a little eadier? Ie make your bedroom feel like yours for now, self care, little hobby, out for a coffee do you have any if that right now?

I would hold off making drastic decisions until your less burnt out because making a big move when your are exhausted is just going to pile more stress on you.

AttachmentFTW · 20/07/2026 22:18

I wonder if you've had time to grieve. You were widowed when your children were really young and you just had to throw yourself into work to keep everyone afloat. I wonder if that left any space for your feelings when you've been so busy and concerned with the feelings and stability of your children. Couple that with the loss of another relationship, it sounds like you've been through a lot. Sending a big virtual hug 💐

Princessfluffy · 20/07/2026 22:12

I’m about to move from a beautiful period home to a low maintenance modern home OP for similar reasons. Hopefully this will work out well for both of us! It’s a leap of faith to some extent but I feel like I will enjoy my home more when it’s cheaper and easier to run and maintain.

Original poster
Onetimequestion · 20/07/2026 22:07

I also need to leave it a little while after eldest has gone to uni as don’t want them to feel adrift with them moving out and then their family home changing. Always really conscious of them feeling stability.

Im really feeling tired and overwhelmed and need some hope really.

OP posts:
Original poster
Onetimequestion · 20/07/2026 22:05

@GeorgeA12 thank you. Even your reply makes me want to cry. The house is big but all the rooms are small and dark and it feels all consuming. I never come home and feel relieved to be home, all I see are jobs that need to be done. It doesn’t feel bright and happy, does that make sense. The landlord made everything grey aswell, walls, carpets, tiles, kitchen. It’s never felt like home in all the time I’ve been here. I’ve always felt ‘home’ in my other homes (although with that quiet uncertainty that comes with renting)

OP posts:
GeorgeA12 · 20/07/2026 22:00

What do you think it is that is causing you not to relax in your home and will this be the same if you move? It sounds like there is lots going on not just your home.

Single parenting and working is utterly exhausting and you've been doing it a long time. It sounds like you are doing a great job with your eldest going to uni too.