Husband's overtime pay - what's a fair split?

Why didn't you discuss what the extra would be spent on before the overtime was agreed?

I'm thinking of increasing my hours, been chatting with DH a bit about how that would work and that the extra money would go into the holiday pot.

Mine gave me nothing, said he wouldn't bother doing it if he had to give it to me. Despite the fact he would regularly do 10 -15 extra per week and never lifted a finger at home or helped with the kids. And told me I wasn't allowed to talk about a difficult day or the kids being hard work cos he didn't want to have to come home from work to listen to me moan.

I don't get why he is paying you a share of his over time?
Our finances are joint. We get pain in our own accounts, pay equalish amounts into our joint then I sort food, he sorts petrol and treat money. I used his card, he uses mine.
He gets paid more than me but I don't ask for his left over money to be split as it's the family pot

50/50
You are exactly right - he can only do the overtime because you facilitate it by being the default parent.
If there is something he particularly wants to treat himself to with this extra money, then that is a different conversation, but generally I think he should be splitting fairly with you and putting extra cash towards the family he chose to have and not trying to gain some sort of financial advantage.

I’m guessing the “spend little, save lots” mindset is driven by you given he does the overtime to “have more spends”.

Split everything 50/50 otherwise resentment will kick in

Neither, it is family money

50/50 of course

You are both working equally as hard in different ways. Otherwise you will have to start charging for housework and childcare!

I would find it very unattractive if my dh was negotiating like this!

As the mother of his children and the sacrifices made during pregnancy, childbirth, breast feeding and the general hit to a women’s career, I would be incandescent if he was anything other than generous and appreciative of the enormous contributions made.

Tell him to stop being a dick.

My DH and I earned similar amounts. We both have pay paid into our own accounts and then transferred the same amount to the joint account to cover all bills and household spending. We both do private savings, investments and spending. We pay halfs for holidays. I tend to spend more on gifts for my family and he tends to spend more on gadgets and tools. Since retiring I get more than him now as I did better investments than he did. We still both pay a set amount into the joint account but that reduced after mortgage was paid off. We are both happy with this arrangement and never care what other one spends.

This is so weird. I understand about laundry, cleaning, cooking, dusting being a chore and needed to be divided equally, but your time with the child? Seriously? If I were in your shoes, I would let him keep all the money, but let me have as much time with my dc as possible, bath time, pick ups, anything. In fact, I would give him my own spare money with a cunning plan - oh, go buy yourself a new rod and go out to try it - in such a way that he would not notice the real reason, it being my wanting all the time with my dc myself.
And the money? All his overtime money should go into a special pot for the dc, not on his 'hobbies', until every need of your dc is met, same goes for 'your hobby money'.

Of course, op stated, 'I have a professional job but dropped down to 3 days to care for our child, which I love and value, but ultimately have made career and financial sacrifices for this' so has made the choice to do this.

Well, yes, it is. You can choose to NEVER do your laundry. You're an autonomous adult. It depends what type of life you want to lead.

If you want clean clothes, you have to wash them.

If you have kids, you have to wash their clothes too and they might try and obstruct you from washing them.

You can choose to have clean clothes but only ever be responsible for your own clothes by not having kids.

You can choose for all of you to have dirty clothes.

Or you can accept that your choice to have kids means that you have more laundry and your preference for clean clothes means you have to do it, even when they obstruct you.

It is all choice. Accepting that you made a choice makes responsibility for said choice a whole lot easier.

So when does op get compensated for the extra childcare etc hours she does?

@Debatingthings as, historically, both salaries go into a joint account, am wondering why your husband has decided the call-out remuneration should be treated differently?

What's his thinking process?

Wow. Defensive, much? Can your kids not play alone?

You said when looking after children “you are at liberty to do as you have chosen with your time” though. Please do explain.

Agree with all others that it needs to be joint money. What's with all this "splitting" / "he owes me x amount" / "percentages" etc? How odd.

I'm fascinated to know what sort of garden maintenance involves "late night call outs". Do they use floodlights and super quiet machinery?

So if you’re doing the laundry it’s not free time to spend as you wish - that’s the point of a pp I was responding to.

Me neither.
I simply cannot fathom how it works if the finances are not all in together.
I know people have different set ups, I have friends like this too...but the idea of trying to work out percentages when we live in the same home and share the same children and hopefully the same future is just alien to me.

As for OP... If I was in your shoes I'd expect him to put his money in with mine. If he's working extra surely it's for the family?
Obviously he can treat himself for his extra efforts, but shouldn't he want you to benefit from his overtime too?

I think it should be 50:50.

However I think this can be muddied a bit if you kept a higher share of your earnings before you had your child and now he earns more he sounds disgruntled. Even though you are facilitating him working.

For what it’s worth DH were 50/50 on money from day one of our marriage. He wanted to keep his overtime but I pointed out that he benefited from the stability of my wage and I didn’t get paid overtime even when I did do it. I definitely think men see their overtime as their money but aren’t considering that income is income. If the wife is expected to share all of her income regardless of how she eared it why do men then create special rules for their extra income.

Good points

It sounds as if this is about more than money. There is an undercurrent here. Resentment? Lack of communication?
You're going to have to sit down together and discuss what you both want from this marriage.

That’s hardly 50/50 effort to him working overtime though.

I do think working overtime when he is already working a lot more hours than you do (even on your working days), means he should get at least some extra money for himself.

You really aren’t coming across as a team.