Husband's overtime pay - what's a fair split?

Question is, does she socialize as much as he does overtime? In which case he may well be doing his own washing and childcare whilst she's on the sauce? At least his time results in a fiscal reward

We've always split stuff equally. If he really feels he should get more maybe 60/40.Or maybe you have an adult chat about whether you could do with a little less saving and a little more personal spend each.

I hope he is topping up your pension op, because you are also taking a career and pension hit.

I don't see why it's treated any different to the rest of his wages? So it goes in the joint account. But he presumably wants more 'fun' money out of it than you?
If you had overtime pay would you split it 50/50 with him?

That is bullshit - if op was not there he would have to PAY for someone to care for his child, wash his pants, cook his dinner. There is no such thing as FREE labour. Cleaners, nanny’s and chefs get paid to do everything op is doing in her free time. If they split up he would have to pay for all of these extras!

Its amazing how little value people attach to the immense work load - op squash this idea now or you will be squabbling over every last penny and it will sour your relationship.

Does he love doing overtime so much that he never sees any benefit to it but you do, despite being asleep

I've been married twice. Both times without kids. The first marriage he wanted pay into our own accounts and then an equal amount paid into a joint account for mortgage and bills. It ended up just being awkward as he earned more than me and would suggest going for dinner, shopping etc. but then I'd say I didn't have the budget for it so he'd end up paying.

2nd marriage and it's much better. Money into the joint pot, equal split for personal spends, equal contributions into savings and investments, money in joint for when we're out doing things together/holidays etc. It feels as it should be, an equal partnership!

I would normally say 50:50. The only thing that’s making me reconsider is that you said you socialise more. Which you wouldn’t be able to do without him minding the DC.

So if you spend 2 nights a week going out & he chooses to spend his 2 nights working, then it does seem unfair to split the money equally. Maybe 70:30 would be fair but I couldn’t be counting it down to the last penny. More like if he does overtime you take an extra £50 and he takes £100 (depending on what he earns) anything over stays in the family pot.

But it’s the husband that’s haggling surely by suggesting the 70/30 split.

With your job OP are you likely to earn more than him if you go full time in the future? If so then it could backfire on him going forward.

Sounds like a crap deal for you if you're doing all nursery drop offs/pick ups and everything in the house. He only does garden stuff? He doesn't need to do overtime but does whilst you do more looking after DC by yourself. Sounds like he's opted out of family life.

This.

Marriage is supposed to be teamwork. A unified unit.

Over time is never guaranteed

He could work OT for years, then it could be cut to zero

I would save the OT (if you can afford it) or pay more into the company pension

This with bells on 👏

It is unlikely to be up to him to arrange his extra work so he can do bedtimes. His employer sets his overtime. And expects him to come in when they need him. Not when it suits putting children to bed routines.

Some married couples seem to live like house mates.

They're his kids too, so by the same token he can arrange his extra work in a way that allows him to do bedtimes.

And yes, if he looks after the DC whilst she side hustles that should also be in the communal pot.

What sort of a world do we live in when people are mulling over this sort of stuff in a marriage ?

It's not childcare It's parenting.

No wonder your husbands all leave yous.

Oh sorry. I was genuinely puzzled. 😂

I can't add anything to the general debate, I'm afraid. We've always had a joint account and all money has gone in there and all of it has been regarded as "ours". We've never divvied it any part of it up into "mine" and "yours". It's worked for nearly half a century so far.
But, as others are saying, it's the division of labour that seems a problem, rather than the money.

He's not a single man. If he works, it doesn't just benefit him, it should benefit the family.
However, as I said upthread, communication doesn't sound great.

WTF. You have a kid together. There is no fair “split”. All money into a joint account equal personal spending. He can’t do the extra time unless you look after your kid. Otherwise suggest you get an evening job and he gets home on time to look after your kid.

He's doing the extra work so he should be able to keep the money. You already have equal spends out of your normal jobs/ hours. It's not doing him a favour to put the kids to bed. They are your kids! If you had a side hustle would you want to hand over half your earnings to him?

For everyone saying about having to have a joint account, we have never had a joint account or worked out a ‘fair split’ but between us balanced who pays the majority of the bills, childcare, holidays etc.
As long as you have enough money for your needs and are both happy about splits for holidays and leisure activities, clothes etc, then surely that’s fine. Unless he’s really being financially abusive?

Alrighty different take. My DH and I have had similar spends for years however my investments are doing better than his. That's due to the effort I put in to move money around to get the best return. That's my money for my hobbies, not his.

If I put that effort into working overtime id see it as the same. My reward for my extra work. I don't have to do it but I do it because of how it rewards me. Maybe OP's husband is going the same?

I will never understand people who are financially okay and still choose to work more and more rather than spending time with their loved ones (with or without kids).

Just ditch the overtime and do things together! Go for walks, play a board game, watch Netflix, be on your phones sending Memes to each other.
You won't be fighting about money and will be bonding. Win win 😀