AIBU to feel judged by mum friends for being childfree?

If someone asked me whether I had children and their tone suggested it was going to turn into that kind of conversation (pity or disapproval), I occasionally looked puzzled and said 'I forget' and went to get another drink.

What are you actually asking? Are you unreasonable for feeling judged? You can feel however you want to feel. Surely you know that.

I think what you really want to say is "are my friends and sisters less evolved than I am for not having rejected the social path that I too was born into, and jealous of me for not having made the same choice as them and taking this out on me when I point out how much better than them I am?". Which is a totally different question.

I get a weird vibe that a lot of the women in my life resent me for not falling into the same pattern of misery as the rest of them. They're all great mums and love their children to death don't get me wrong, but they all dedicate 24/7 to their children and their useless husbands who work and think that's the extent of their family contribution, they all complain to me constantly about how tired they are, how poor they are, their kids won't leave them alone, some of them even regret it. But then in the same breath, they'll tell me how selfish I am for not wanting children? And there's always the 'who'll look after you when you're old?' My sister didn't talk to me for a week because I had the audacity to tell her that children aren't a retirement plan.

I just feel more and more that my mum friends all have a superiority complex over me because I chose to be childfree, despite the fact that I'm very happy in my life and it really doesn't sound like they are

OK, a lot to unpick here (and I say this as someone who planned all her life not to have children, but did eventually have one aged 40) -- bluntly, you need to choose your friends better. I can assure you that non-downtrodden WOHMs with properly egalitarian marriages exist. I doubt m life is that different to yours. I'm a mother, but I'm also a lot of other things. My child isn't the centre of my being. I'm perfectly aware that I would be differently happy had I not had him. I have lots of childfree friends. Our lives are not that dissimilar. Actually my two closest single childfree friends both have dogs, and are far more restricted in their movements than I have ever been as a parent.

I have absolutely had comments about 'selfishness' and obvious resentment, but not from my friends, from friends of neighbours at a barbecue that I'd never met before! Those aren't people you want in your life!

You don't sound as if you like or respect these friends much, either . Why not focus on expanding your circle to include more childfree people and people with children who are well into adulthood, not dependents? I'd worked with one colleague for two full years before realising she had adult children.

Ugh. I've been through that too. Never had any interest in having my own. Partially due to possible genetic issues. I do have step children, who I adore.
I have had the same questions and air of superiority fired my way too over the years. I have just never given the energy to explain myself. Motherhood isn't for everyone.

I’m childfree but I’ve never had an issue with anyone else commenting on it other than a healthy level of interest about a lifestyle that is different to their own and arguably still considered unconventional.

You mention you get a “weird vibe” and you “feel” they have a superiority complex, rather than any explicit comments. “Weird vibes” can be ignored, it is just your paranoia, you can’t know for sure what your friends think. And even if they do think you’ve made a terrible decision, so what? Other people’s thoughts are their own business.

It honestly sounds like the superiority is going both ways.