AIBU to feel judged by mum friends for being childfree?

Lol yeah, must be the lack of kids 🤣🤣

Its a real head scratcher as to why all of your friends are seemingly pissed off with you 🤨

I am very clued onto the state of the world in terms of climate change, wars, the overall degeneration of society and my nerves can't handle bringing a child into that

While you seem to think they are presumably too stupid, uneducated and ill informed so are thoughtlessly popping babies out left, right and centre condemning themselves and their poor children to lives of perpetual misery. A terrible shame.

Lol that you think I might not be ‘calm’.

But stating that women ‘pop babies out’ is just misogynistic shite.

I wouldn’t judge or care, the only time it would annoy me is if said friend was actually resentful of children that would bother me. Sometimes it’s nice to have friends that discuss more than parenting as when our children grow up we still need to have our own hobbies and interests

This is so sad. I'm a mother but I have many childfree friends and we're equally respectful of and enthusiastic about each others' lives. In your life it seems that you think your friends' lives look awful, and they feel the same about yours.

Do you think you could get things into a better place with more enthusiasm and less judgment on both sides, or is it a lost cause? Perhaps you need to try and broaden your circle to find more people who don't divide the world into categories along the lines of motherhood. A happy coexistence is out there, I hope you find it.

Hear you @ByAzureMoose . Lots of people, women especially, seem to take other women’s choice not to have kids as an indictment of their own choices. I also love the cognitive dissonance of saying one is selfish for not having kids but then cry “who will look after you when you’re old!” Can’t have it both ways.

I agree being a dad sounds a lot more fun than being a mum, at least before the kids are adults. You have to do what makes you happy and let go of others opinions,that way madness lies.

Patronising and rude- gosh its such a shocker why you are struggling to find friends eh? 😆

I was with you on this until you started being so offensive towqrds the ‘women in your life’, presumably some of whom and friends and relatives. When I chose to have a child of course I dedicated myself to her 24 hours a day, 7 days a week - that’s what parents do, particularly mothers who are usually the ones who are on maternity leave or stay at home with their children. You talk about your friends having a superiority complex, but it sounds very much as though you’re the one who thinks you’re superior.

But you went on in your OP how your reasons are your carefully considered concerns about the environment and all that, insinuating that all these women who are 'just mums' are halfwits who don't have the wit to consider it all like you do and are just mindlessly reproducing. I suspect any weird 'vibes' you're getting are due to your condescending attitude.

I think lots of us have the measure of you.

And we totally get why you have very few friends.....

If you're comfortable in your choice, you shouldn't feel so defensive about it. I'm late forties and I haven't had kids, and I've probably had some similar conversations but can't remember them, because we're all entitled to our viewpoints. My friends spend a lot of time complaining about their kids but clearly love them to bits, so I'm happy for them. I love my life the way it is, so I'm smug in my own choices. But clearly there are pros and cons to both situations.

I’m happily childfree by choice, too OP & a bit older than you. I always knew I didn’t want to be a parent and was never going to change my mind.

These women are envious of you. They envy your career, your lifestyle & most of all they envy your freedom. They obviously won’t & can’t say that out loud because to do so would mean admitting to themselves that they regret having their children. So they project their resentment onto you. Take it as a compliment, and carry on enjoying your childfree life.

Did you post this on the wrong thread?

Edit: ignore me. i missed OP’s comment about her culture.

I suspect this is why you are getting this vibe because your intent isnt very nice is it? you said: I get a weird vibe that a lot of the women in my life resent me for not falling into the same pattern of misery as the rest of them

I have kids. I am not remotely "miserable" - I am very happy with my life choices thanks but if you continue to imply this to me when its not true then yes of course, I wont want to spend time with you, why on earth would I?

Its like me implying patronisingly that you must be unfulfilled because you are childless (I dont think that btw but its no less patronising than you telling me I must be "miserable" with my choice to have kids)

See how respect for choices goes BOTH ways??

If anyone sounds as though they have a superiority complex OP, it’s you.

And women don’t simply ‘pop children out’.

It sounds like you’re bang on.
Would you consider marrying outside your culture? My husband is white British and he’s not useless at all, in fact he took part time work when the kids were young and my employer wouldn’t let me go part time. We go halves on the childcare & running the house (I probably cook more but he cleans up.) We are a partnership and it works well. I have a great career.

Op said it's expected in her culture that mums are just mums, not that every mum is just a mum.

I really doubt they feel this way. I imagine a lot of parents cannot imagine life without their children and so assume most childfree people will forget it. I will say though my friends with kids don’t seem fussed I don’t have them. One asked once if I would consider a sperm donor. And left it alone when I said no. I will say your post reads as if you feel superior to your friends.

Er no, I’m not ‘just a mum’ thank you very much!!

Sorry! I didn't say it four times, I swear! Will ask MNHQ to delete. 😀