AIBU to think stepson's holiday questions were tone deaf and unkind?

It would be a short conversation with me, I've never been out of the UK! ;-)

Just realised he’s not a teen. In that case he was very tactless.

I’d have lost patience and said, ‘I’ve told you where we’ve been, have you not understood?’ With a puzzled face.

He agreed he wasn't able to catch a plane to Italy?

Should you get DH to say something??

Hell no. He's not got any right to tell his SS what to do after abandoning them in favour of a job opportunity.

What should you tell your teen who's asked why her brother travelled more?

"Well, because he has a different mum who had to look after him alone because daddy didn't bother seeing him, but she did take him to different places. Which would you rather have? A dad who is still around or a dad who didn't give a shit?"

You can't be so narrow as to take offence at this v minor conversational tension when there's a whole load of crap your DH has created underlying it. As for SS, just let him have his minor moment of feeling a bit better. Just because he's 29 doesn't mean he's super balanced and magnanimous. You're not and you must be a fair bit older. Just tell your teen to save up and travel in future if she wishes.

My first thought too.

The issues are between the don and dad. I still don't see how that justifies a grown man making teenagers feel like shit. They are also innocent parties to the choices their dad made.
Maybe the dad has deep regrets, who knows? Still crass to make kids feel uncomfortable.

The OP is going to France soon for a few weeks. Which is peak season. Her kids are hardly missing out.

She got with a man who didn’t bother to see his children for years and then when those children don’t behave as she wants, she moans she feels crap and thinks the adult kids need a talking to by the man who abandoned them. Lol. Why isn’t she looking at her husband as the root cause of the problem? Why choose to be with a man who had abandoned his children? Yes, people tend to be harsh about this stuff, especially when the kids get blamed, but the new partner seems oblivious to their partners probable part in the issues now being seen.

Agree with this, these sort of threads always go the same way, berating the OP for something someone else has done in the past.

Honestly I don't get what the big deal is. Yeah it was a bit crass and judgemental but it also wasn't a massive deal.

Sounds like the only reason you feel strongly about it is because you feel guilty not being able to take your children elsewhere which sounds like a you problem 🤷‍♀️ my kids havnt been anywhere else and I'm fine with it. People always ask me and get surprised but I'm happy with not travelling. My daughter is nearly 10 and has travelled on a plane 3 times.🤷‍♀️

Her original complaint was about the half brother aged 29 having been in 4 European countries. France and Italy. And hesxdual Franco Italian. Then Germany, and maybe Spain. France has a border with Germany, Italy and Spain. It’s hardly complicated, or exotic, or expensive to go from one to the other. As a person who lives on the continent, people drive/bus/train or even fly easily across those borders. Young people like the 29 year old will have friends or relations in some of those places to stay with. Some parents will have holiday homes that they go to. Or they kip on a friend’s couch/floor.

It's not blaming the OP for her DH's choices (or I'm not, anyway). It's her focus on this having made her feel bad with seemingly no thought given to the fact that he DC are growing up with a full time father and his first round of children had an absentee/NC one. It's not all that hard to get back and forth between the UK and Italy. His children being in a different country didn't need to = NC, so I suspect there's more to the story as far as the stepson is concerned.

Sounds like the older children lived on a continent connected to other countries by simple rail journeys etc ..that there was more money in the past, less children.

I don’t see what DSS did which was such a crime? Asking questions..to get to know each is normal, comparing experiences is normal

I think some of these replies are harsh - the choices the dh made are not her fault. Regardless of the rights and wrongs of what the dh did, it's shitty for a 29 year old man, to make teenagers feel
lije shit because they haven't travelled. I would expect more maturity and sensitivity - if the DS has an issue with his childhood, he needs to raise it with his dad!

I can see the logic of allowing the Italian mum to move back to Italy with the kids instead of everyone hi g forced to remain in France - the bitterness and resentment which would have ensued, would not have benefitted the children. He should have travelled to Italy to see them though.

Well Im clearly not talking about France, Italy and Spain am I. Theres a whole list of worldwide destinations OP has set out.

It’s perfectly normal, and cheap, to get from France to Italy or Spain. I’d say far cheaper than getting a train from London to Edinburgh.

He stopped seeing the kids for a job opportunity. Just as bad though.

Sounds like he is picking at a scab - no doubt resentful at the lack of contact from his dad for years, so is behaving a bit childishly. ‘Dad left us to be with you and his new kids, but I still have a great life’.

I would let it go - your husband still has some fences to mend. It’s amazing his son is back in his life - focus on being grateful he is mature and forgiving. Not sure I would be so graceful if I were in your stepsons place

Oh, god, just oblivious 20-somethings excited with themselves.
You could just have laughed it off and said 'nope' and 'lucky you - how wonderful' when they talked of their travels.
And when your teen asked the answer is 'when you have a job and before you have kids to support you will be able to travel the world too - something to look forward to'

You will look insecure, pathetic and hostile if you ask your DH to 'have a word'.

Have confidence in the way you run your own family.

Exactly This !!!

how Old were the dc when he walked away, and how long before he saw them again? @Olink

I dont get why some are saying get your husband to say something, you was there he was not, they was talking to you, you should have spoke up there and then.

You dont need a man to do the talking for you, you got a mouth of your own.
Its over and done with now but next time speak up.

They must be very well off, theres not many 29 year olds that have the money to do all that travel by that age, and thats his girlfriend as well

Would your step son take his half siblings away on holiday to show them the world?

I've just re-read your op @Olink and, assuming this thread is for real, it's mind boggling.

Should I get DH to say something?

I suspect there's quite a lot your DH should be saying to him, none of it regarding your stepson talking about being better travelled than his father's second family.