AIBU to think stepson's holiday questions were tone deaf and unkind?

There is never a good reason to abandon your children.
But we do know some details. That he moved to a different country than his teenagers for a job opportunity, and that he didn't want to get the courts involved. There is nothing to imply that he wanted to see his children but their mum wouldn't let him.

'Why has another person travelled more than you have? Well, you should ask them. But usually it's because they have friends or family in other countries or they or their family have prioritised spending their money on travel rather than other hobbies. You've plenty of time to travel in your life.

Lots of people go backpacking across the world aged over 18. Many more people on earth have never ever left their country of birth in their entire lives!'

When OP was still engaging with her thread posters were asking why he lost contact, why he didn’t text, call, write, get on a plane for a weekend, OP said nothing. The golden opportunity to show he was a good dad who tried was right there.

No, i wouldn’t bother asking him to say something when he had nothing to say all the years he was no contact with his kids.

The only factors in my life influencing me is having a child and there is nothing that would stop me being in contact with her, even less so for years. Even OP isn’t defending her husband as much as you are. Weird that.

Again, you know nothing of this persons life’s details.
All the OP said is he had no contact. You have absolutely no idea as to why this is the case, but instead of admitting that, and perhaps influenced by factors in your own life, you continue to believe that this person you don’t know is a total bastard because he clearly cut his kids out his life without reason. And you know this unequivocally, apparently, from one line. Perhaps the best assumption you can make is you don’t know the whole story so you shouldn’t presume.
You sound like an incredibly judgmental person.

Lots of adults boast about their holidays! In fact most do.

I think this ‘crime’ pales into insignificance against a father who ‘lost contact’ with his children because of a job for years during what sounds like their teenage years.

The teens in this household are going to France! That’s more than a lot of kids get. Their much older sibling has gone some on cool holiday and from the sounds of it was making a dig against OP but the kids overheard.

hardly the end of the world when stacked against an absent parent

Again, OP’s own words. He could’ve gotten a court order , but didn’t because that would’ve been inconvenient for his life plans. Plus the kids were already teens when they divorced, if not older teens in the continuing “few years”. Email and phone numbers exist.

I do.
How do we know the mother didn’t stop contact? There are plenty of parents who play stupid games with their children.
People are making huge leaps here based on their own values and beliefs.

Do you have kids? What would make you have no contact with them for years?

But we don’t know why. That’s the point. It’s all assumption.

It's a tactless, self-absorbed but fairly innocuous conversation. Presumably they don't know the ins and outs of your finances? Maybe they're assuming you're a boring old homebody, not that you're in financial difficulty.

You're clearly sensitive about it and that's why you're reacting this way. He's hit a nerve. Do you wish you'd travelled more with the children and are perhaps feeling resentful or like you missed out?

Take a deep breath, and let it go. You can't control what other people say or do, but you can control your reaction!

If it comes up again, try some classic one liners, like:

"Do I look like I'm made of money?"
"Money doesn't grow on trees, you know"
"That'll cost a king's ransom as a family" in response to travelling to Panama or wherever.
"Not even Timbuktu, mate" in response to "not even Spain?!"

OP’s own words. “He had NO contact for a few years”.

Jesus Christ the judgement on here.

How can you derive that the husband was a terrible, neglectful father from such a small amount of information?! We have no idea of the details and nuances of other people’s lives, the same people judging here must be perfect citizens and people.
The stepson is a fully fledged adult and needs to get a grip. Plenty of people don’t have perfect relationships with parents and don’t behave like ignorant children.

Honestly, some of you need to get off the cross because somebody needs the wood 🙄

Stepson sounds a bit of a dick.

That’s what I’d think, he’s a bit of a dick. Then tell your teenagers they have plenty of time to travel the world on their own coin when they’re older. Then move on.

I think they were just sharing their experiences. If you will be in France for several weeks perhaps you could hop over the borders and visit elsewhere too. My parents lived in Germany for a while and used to do similar.

“The cost of living is a lot more expensive now than it was when SS was younger. His comments were a bit insensitive. We could go on more holidays but then you would have to give up x or y. When you’re 18 and have your own money you can see the world without me and your dad tagging along.”

I hope he paid money to ex wife even if he didn’t get to see his DC.

You can afford to travel, you just choose to travel to France.

That seems harsh when you consider his dad stopped contact with him for years.

Of course he is jealous. His dad had time for a new family but no time for him and his brother.

I could never have any respect for a man who dropped his kids like that.

let the 29 year let of some steam - people carry that kind of hurt for a lifetime

Like a previous poster said, frequent travellers often forget that not everyone is like them. They are simply tone deaf - they are not trying to cause offence. I can remember a similar situation when someone was incredulous that I hadn't been to Paris - 'everyone has been to Paris'. Well not me, it's on the list along with many other places. At the time our finances didn't allow for foreign travel and now they do.

The teen overheard, the comments weren’t directed at them.

You tell your teen that different people have different priorities. The SS/his mum prioritise holidays, your husband prioritised a job in the UK and a new family over his first kids. Funny how that works.

So why are you allowing yourself to feel crap over an extreme example, even by your own admission?
They are well travelled, so what. Nothing to feel bad about.

My daughter has friends who are multimillionaires, absolutely no point me feeling bad that I haven't provided my kids with an almost unlimited trust fund.

So your DH couldn’t manage to make visits to see his older children in Italy or have any contact with them but managed to have two more children during this time.