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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to let my nearly 13 year old cook family meals?

109 replies

Madhouse02 · 20/07/2026 15:03

DD nearly 13 is a genuinely a great cook. I should add incase you claim I’m gloating that she is not your high flying academic child and although is well behaved at school and works hard she academically struggles in some areas and she is also not a talented dancer / gymnast or anything like that. She struggled much of her younger years and has some additional needs.
a few years ago she took up baking and then cooking and she really enjoys it and is a far better cook than me 😂
she can be your usual sluggish slow to move teenager and getting her to do chores was often like asking her to sell her soul.
she now takes control of all dinners in the house and cooked breakfasts on Saturday and Sunday mornings.
there is currently 5 kids in the house although usually 4.
she does the online food shop as she knows what she needs ingredient wise etc
apart from her own bedroom and taking her own clothes down to laundry she does no other chores.
she does help out with the animals.
she gets 100.00 allowance a month.
she is free to do what she pleases on weekends and holidays - goes out with friends / family trips and she 100 percent does not miss out on anything she is extremely lucky in some ways.
she has improved with her cooking and tries new receipts for us and although I did supervise for a long time now she is pretty much on her own.
last Sunday my brother and sister in law was over for dinner which daughter prepared and they were shocked that I had her cooking everyone dinner after daughter explained she is in charge of food 😂 I suppose it didn’t sound great when she said it like that. After we explained they still couldn’t get there head around that I never cook for the kids and it’s my daughter but I see it has a positive thing for her.
she is getting better and mastering the skill. She is not in the kitchen 24/7 and has very little other expectations.
she never ever looks after her siblings and only if she wishes to for extra money would she be told she has to.
is this not acceptable for a nearly 13 year old ?

OP posts:
Kitchenbattle · 20/07/2026 15:11

I don’t see the issue if she enjoys it. Both of mine (10 and 13) can cook lots of dishes and they do every so often.

Madhouse02 · 20/07/2026 15:10

KoiTetra · 20/07/2026 15:09

If she enjoys it and is happy doing it then 100%.

I would be making sure I check in with her regularly though to make sure that doesn't change and I would make sure she knows 100% that she can stop anytime she wants.

It is a lot of responsibility for a fairly young child.

shes not shy to tell me when she begrudges me asking her to do something - you should see the debates about maths revision 😂

OP posts:
DeedlessIndeed · 20/07/2026 15:10

I guess I would hate for her to ever come home from school, after a tough day and feel like she has to do it.

I love to cook, but sometimes I get home and think "Oh, Eff it. Let's get a take away"

Also, she is still doing her own clothes? Does that mean she is doing her own washing? Normally that'd be fine, but in your set up she is having a lot of responsibility of adult everyday life.

PartoftheBand · 20/07/2026 15:09

KoiTetra · 20/07/2026 15:09

If she enjoys it and is happy doing it then 100%.

I would be making sure I check in with her regularly though to make sure that doesn't change and I would make sure she knows 100% that she can stop anytime she wants.

It is a lot of responsibility for a fairly young child.

Agree with this.

KoiTetra · 20/07/2026 15:09

If she enjoys it and is happy doing it then 100%.

I would be making sure I check in with her regularly though to make sure that doesn't change and I would make sure she knows 100% that she can stop anytime she wants.

It is a lot of responsibility for a fairly young child.

TheyGrewUp · 20/07/2026 15:07

Once a week, possibly twice.

Are you going to send her younger brother up the chimney?

Thechaseison71 · 20/07/2026 15:06

Stompythedinosaur · 20/07/2026 15:05

There's nothing wrong with a dc cooking meals for their family sometimes.

It sounds a bit much to expect a child to hold responsibility for a major part of family life. She's too young for that imo.

It sounds as though she wants to do it though. Why would you stop her doing something she enjoys

Stompythedinosaur · 20/07/2026 15:05

There's nothing wrong with a dc cooking meals for their family sometimes.

It sounds a bit much to expect a child to hold responsibility for a major part of family life. She's too young for that imo.

hugasaurus · 20/07/2026 15:05

Sounds great, she will be light years ahead of her peers when she moves out/goes to university. Why would you not nurture her talent and interests and make life easier for the family all at the same time? Send her round here!