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Original poster

AIBU to let my nearly 13 year old cook family meals?

109 replies

Madhouse02 · 20/07/2026 15:03

DD nearly 13 is a genuinely a great cook. I should add incase you claim I’m gloating that she is not your high flying academic child and although is well behaved at school and works hard she academically struggles in some areas and she is also not a talented dancer / gymnast or anything like that. She struggled much of her younger years and has some additional needs.
a few years ago she took up baking and then cooking and she really enjoys it and is a far better cook than me 😂
she can be your usual sluggish slow to move teenager and getting her to do chores was often like asking her to sell her soul.
she now takes control of all dinners in the house and cooked breakfasts on Saturday and Sunday mornings.
there is currently 5 kids in the house although usually 4.
she does the online food shop as she knows what she needs ingredient wise etc
apart from her own bedroom and taking her own clothes down to laundry she does no other chores.
she does help out with the animals.
she gets 100.00 allowance a month.
she is free to do what she pleases on weekends and holidays - goes out with friends / family trips and she 100 percent does not miss out on anything she is extremely lucky in some ways.
she has improved with her cooking and tries new receipts for us and although I did supervise for a long time now she is pretty much on her own.
last Sunday my brother and sister in law was over for dinner which daughter prepared and they were shocked that I had her cooking everyone dinner after daughter explained she is in charge of food 😂 I suppose it didn’t sound great when she said it like that. After we explained they still couldn’t get there head around that I never cook for the kids and it’s my daughter but I see it has a positive thing for her.
she is getting better and mastering the skill. She is not in the kitchen 24/7 and has very little other expectations.
she never ever looks after her siblings and only if she wishes to for extra money would she be told she has to.
is this not acceptable for a nearly 13 year old ?

OP posts:
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Seaside3 · 23/07/2026 15:12

I think it's fabulous. She has a passion, let her indulge. Female.chefs (both famous and in hospitality) are few and far between, frankly we could do with more.
Not everyone is academic and that's okay. If she was playing a sport daily no one would care, it's just her hobby benefits the family!
I would lovw it if my kids were as passionate about cooking as I am!

Malasana · 23/07/2026 08:38

Harry12345 · 23/07/2026 08:22

She’s already said she doesn’t do full shop just adds ingredients

Show quote history

The OP said in her original post that her daughter does the online food shop because she knows what ingredients she needs. By that made the reasonable assumption that she meant that she does the online food shop.
If shes added other details then I’ve missed them 🤷🏻‍♀️

Harry12345 · 23/07/2026 08:22

Malasana · 22/07/2026 10:14

I think doing the cooking is fine as long as she knows that if there’s a night she doesn’t want to then you’ll take over.
I think doing the online shop is a step too far as you’re making her financially responsible for some of the household budget.
What does her brother do other than wash up? He seems to have checked out of household chores so it’s not really teaching him anything good how the larger parts of household chores should not be for the women and girls to do by default. It would also serve him well to learn to cook!

She’s already said she doesn’t do full shop just adds ingredients

Surprisingmyself · 22/07/2026 19:03

What is she plating up for the family tonight @Madhouse02 ?

hahabahbag · 22/07/2026 18:54

My dd did at least 50% of the cooking at that age, she wanted to be a chef (then changed mind, soared academics wise around age 14, and achieved her new dream). If they want to cook why not

Needapin · 22/07/2026 18:13

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Original poster
Madhouse02 · 22/07/2026 14:23

Oldgum · 22/07/2026 10:11

This is one of those weird threads where the Op includes LOADS of irrelevant detail.

It would appear absolutely no one has indicated to her in RL that this is unreasonable

It would appear the Op doesn’t think she’s being in the least bit unreasonable herself

So begs the question… why?

I’m a bit confused. I discussed in real life where it was questioned.
the reason for additional information was to highlight she enjoys it and it’s a skill that she benefits from so it wasn’t as simple as making a 12 year old cook every night just because I decided.
if I had did that then explained further on I would then have been accused of drip feeding

OP posts:
whistlesandbells · 22/07/2026 10:47

I think it is fine. The only thing I would say is to focus on some balance. I see it as a control thing. I would also like to be seen to cook and I would not think her solely cooking exempts her from other share of chores. But she is doing something great in my opinion.

Malasana · 22/07/2026 10:14

I think doing the cooking is fine as long as she knows that if there’s a night she doesn’t want to then you’ll take over.
I think doing the online shop is a step too far as you’re making her financially responsible for some of the household budget.
What does her brother do other than wash up? He seems to have checked out of household chores so it’s not really teaching him anything good how the larger parts of household chores should not be for the women and girls to do by default. It would also serve him well to learn to cook!

Oldgum · 22/07/2026 10:11

This is one of those weird threads where the Op includes LOADS of irrelevant detail.

It would appear absolutely no one has indicated to her in RL that this is unreasonable

It would appear the Op doesn’t think she’s being in the least bit unreasonable herself

So begs the question… why?

Owl23 · 22/07/2026 10:04

Madhouse02 · 20/07/2026 21:14

to answer some questions -
she is the eldest by a fair margin the 1DC below her does the washing up / helps either the animals and often daughter will reach him baking / cooking if she is making something fun.
he to has to make sure his room tidy and bring his laundry down.
the youngest two are 1 and 4.

I was going to stay it sounds fine, like other posters have said as long as she knows she can stop if it becomes too much e.g. school gets tough/exams come round. For that reason if I were you I'd keep my hand in by doing one or two nights a week.

You've answered the ages of the children and they are a lot younger, my other point was going to be to make sure they don't miss out on cooking because big sister does it all. The gaps big enough that it shouldn't be an issue but I've seen the eldest sometimes get to learn the responsible stuff and the (not much younger ones) miss out. I'd just watch out for that if you see patterns emerging where the siblings are closer in age.

Oldgum · 22/07/2026 09:53

Has anyone indicated to you in RL that this isn’t reasonable @Madhouse02 ?

Oldgum · 22/07/2026 09:52

she is not in the kitchen 24/7

well that’s good to hear 😕

Oldgum · 22/07/2026 09:50

So much utterly irrelevant detail in the Op
basically… ok for my teen to occasionally cook?

um. Yes

OneFunGreyFish · 22/07/2026 06:47

I started cooking dinner for my family at 10 yrs old (with a bit of help). Was fully able to make my own meals and those for others by 12 or so. And I had a bunch of others chores too, so yeah I think it's fine.

Divebar2021 · 21/07/2026 23:12

No I think it’s nuts. Nothing wrong with her cooking sometimes but all meals including twice on Saturday and Sunday? . In a year or two is she going to be putting off homework because you’re all expecting dinner on the table ?

rainbow9713 · 21/07/2026 23:03

I think its great personally, specially of she enjoys it. I have a just turned 13 year old who cant even use the airfryer, autistic but academic. So the day to day things she just cant do (does keep her bedroom freakishly tidy though), and does bring laundry downstairs. Give that kid a maths equation that your scratching your head at and she will solve it.
I also have an 11 year old daughter who is capable in the kitchen, so then opposite of her sister. Not as good as your daughter and really depends how she feels about her sister on the day if she will make her food 🤣. But tomorrow we are literally making her favourite meal together so I can teach her how to do it. Cooking is such a skill, and its amazing your daughter enjoys putting recipes together and doing it for the family. So many great family moments are around a dinner table.
We all have our skills and its great your daughter has that one. I think aslong as everyone is genuinely happy with the arrangement then just leave as is.

Laura95167 · 21/07/2026 21:03

I think a 12year cooking is excellent and good for her. Id just be making sure she was allowed a night off from it if she wanted but otherwise I think its great for confidence independence and family bonding

palepeony · 21/07/2026 20:45

Your DD was me at around 11/12 years old onwards I cooked for the family a few times a week. Told my parents the ingredients I needed and we either shopped together or they got them. Loved doing it. And still love cooking to this day.
in fact I wish it’d have been a career for me. Too late now…mid sixties.

BogRollBOGOF · 21/07/2026 20:40

Good for her!

My 13yo is getting a bit more interested in cooking and at least I don't have to worry about him surviving the day while I'm at work. He wants to do cooking for his D of E skill in the autumn which will expand his repetoire and skills.

We won't mention his tidying skills after... nor his older brother (very ND) who will quite happily go all day on air...

Pssedoffathis · 21/07/2026 20:32

Mine love cooking too though they’re not quite at the age where they can do it completely unsupervised.
i think it’s great if she loves it, it’s no different from someone who loves football or dancing practicing and training several times a week if it’s her special interest. Where else would she be able to do that.
i might offer to pay for some cookery lessons or something too
people that find their talent and passion early often make great careers out of them.
a friend of mine chefs in private yachts and her life is pretty amazing really. Nothing wrong with cooking if you love it.

Harry12345 · 21/07/2026 20:25

MandemChickenShop · 21/07/2026 10:55

bit much, I'd worry she will fall out of love with it in a year or something. and 100pcm is wild. what is she spending that on at 12!

A McDonald’s meal is £9, swimming £5, public transport, cinema, drinks and snacks, £25 could easily be spent in a day by a 13 year old let alone a week

Pessismistic · 21/07/2026 20:09

Oh op how lucky are you. That’s amazing doing the family cooking and I think your relatives probably just thought what a 13 year old cooking our dinner but it’s a great talent to have and if she’s careful in the kitchen with hot appliances knives etc then good for her. You can always say to her that if she doesn’t want to cook you will take over or if she wants a break then that is fine tell her that she is not under any obligation or pressure to do this all the time. Then tell her how amazing her cooking is and how proud you are of her. There will be plenty of moms on here a bit green with envy.

MMUmum · 21/07/2026 18:39

MandemChickenShop · 21/07/2026 10:55

bit much, I'd worry she will fall out of love with it in a year or something. and 100pcm is wild. what is she spending that on at 12!

My Dd had this too, it covered her clothes, toiletries, going out with friends etc, much cheaper than taking her shopping or out for lunch, it worked well for us