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Original poster

How often dh goes out

39 replies

trampolinebounce · 20/07/2026 14:12

I dont know if im jealous or if its a bit much.
5 DC 16,8,6,3 and 1.
Dh joined a club that meets every 2 weeks do an activity or whatever. But in between these theres other nights/odd weekend planned. When hes home he does his fair share of housework but not child care.

I hardly go anywhere and even if I did want to usually cant because of this.

1 year old is still breastfed and 3 year old is a handful. Teen is pretty good bar the odd screaming match hardly see her shes usually out with friends or in her room. They are not her kids so I try very hard for her to not be watching them. So it can be alot being on my own with 4 kids.

Last month was 17 out of 30 days.

OP posts:
Original poster
trampolinebounce · 20/07/2026 15:53

As i said in the post dh joined a club before this it was all good. Hes not doing child care portion coz hes never here.

OP posts:
Pinkflamingo10 · 20/07/2026 15:49

You can leave a breastfed one year old for a wee break no problem. No need to stop breastfeeding as someone suggested above. That isn’t an excuse for your husband not to do any parenting. I have 3 small boys and all were breastfed well into toddlerhood. That didn’t mean I could never leave or have any ‘me’ time at all.
Have you had a chat re you needing some breaks and some child-free time. Add up how much child-free hobby time he gets in a week.

ByAzureMoose · 20/07/2026 15:45

I want to be sympathetic but at the end of the day, you're the one that decided to have 5 DC with someone that doesn't do an ounce of childcare. yikes

Peonies12 · 20/07/2026 14:38

At 1 year old you can leave them, you don't have to stop breastfeeding. Mine is nearly 2 years old and I'm still BF, and currently away on a work trip. Don't excuse your DH dealing with his own child's behaviour. I am assuming they are all his children as well.
You need to plan your own time away, me and DH each have a set night each week to go out, and we alternate between doing bedtime as well. It's fine if he goes out but you need an equal amount of time to go out or have a break.

ShetlandishMum · 20/07/2026 14:35

Or book a babysitter if DH doesn't do childcare.

ThisSereneGoose · 20/07/2026 14:22

Is he unreasonable to have a life? of course not.

Is he unreasonable to do no parenting? do you need to ask?
It's not a matter of can/ cannot, want/ want not, the kids are THERE. As a parent you look after them, it's not even a question.

Discuss with him the evenings or hours when you want to go out, or to join a club or whatever you want to do, it's not a favour to have 1 or 2 evenings off a week.

TepidBathwater · 20/07/2026 14:21

ShouldHeQuit · 20/07/2026 14:20

I think more details are needed to form a proper opinion.
Are they all his kids.
Whose decision was it to have so many?
Do you both work and if so what are your hours?
Has he EVER done his share of childcare?

Yes, all good questions. As if why someone would have five children with someone who doesn't do any childcare at all?

ShouldHeQuit · 20/07/2026 14:20

I think more details are needed to form a proper opinion.
Are they all his kids.
Whose decision was it to have so many?
Do you both work and if so what are your hours?
Has he EVER done his share of childcare?

60degreecycle · 20/07/2026 14:19

If I had given birth to five children and the father wasn't at least pulling his equal weight I'd have a lot to say to him.

It's not the hobby, or the nights' out, it's the man.

sittingonabeach · 20/07/2026 14:19

Reframe your words, it isn't childcare it is parenting. Are all 5 of the DC his? Why doesn't he parent? What have 5 DC with someone who doesn't parent?

ClarasSisters · 20/07/2026 14:19

Are they all his kids? Has he never done childcare, and if not why on earth did you have more?!

That aside, if it's not working for you you need to have a conversation about it. Being out of the house more than he's home can't be great for a relationship.

Floppyearedlab · 20/07/2026 14:18

Use your words and your actions

Wean your younger child. Deal with your toddler’s bad behaviour, find a hobby of your own.

Charliecatpaws · 20/07/2026 14:17

Why does your DH do no childcare? Everyone is entitled to a night off and time to themselves

ShetlandishMum · 20/07/2026 14:15

Talk to your DH?

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