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AIBU?

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Why is new boss being such a knob?

594 replies

Buggeroffboss · 20/07/2026 14:10

Our old boss took ill suddenly in December last year and died shortly after. They been the boss for 20+ years, so appreciate we were all very used to them.

Following their illness I became interim boss. In April I was offered the role permanently but declined as it would mean returning to full time work. I'm bitterly regretting not taking it due to new boss!

We're a remote team, have been since many years before COVID. New boss clearly hates remote working. We do have an office, but it seats 10 people and us open to the whole business (approx 300 people) not just our department (40 people). New boss wants everyone in the office 2 days a week. HR have told him to go whistle - we are all on remote contracts and live across the whole of the UK, including channel Islands and 2 in France!

New boss is now insisting we schedule any "coffee breaks" (you know, where you brew up between meetings) and that under no circumstances are we to appear on screen with tea/ coffee if it isn't adjacent to our scheduled break. In addition he's put an embargo on lunch time errands, such as laundry, popping to the post office or collecting the car from the garage. All time is to be accounted for.

As you can imagine, morale has gone down the pan. We're a high performing department, there is 0 issues with productivity. Our work is largely invisible most of the time, lots of thinking time and idea generation which makes monitoring our day to day workloads difficult, but we always exceed our targets at quarter and year ends - so people are clearly working. In the 6 weeks he's been in there's been a noticeable change in how people are working, fewer people on early or late, most just working to their hours.

AIBU to think he's being a bit of a dick and just needs to chill the fuck out?

OP posts:
Butnotreally1 · 20/07/2026 15:07

A lot of this doesn’t make sense

ilovesooty · 20/07/2026 15:07

ThirdStorm · 20/07/2026 15:02

embargo on lunch time errands, such as laundry, popping to the post office or collecting the car from the garage.

How is he going to know what you do in your lunch time?!

He'd know if people extend their lunchtime. What they do within the time is up to them, but I suppose it's possible that employees have treated lunch breaks as flexible.

Lucia573 · 20/07/2026 15:06

Buggeroffboss · 20/07/2026 14:21

He said in writing that we were to schedule tea breaks in our diary and not to brew up outside of that and then has taken 2 people aside after they were on a meeting with drinks and he had checked their diary and they didn't have a tea break scheduled. He's since advised that if people do have drinks in meetings he will be checking their schedules.

What about if someone else in your house brings you a cuppa? Is that allowed? I don’t see how he can monitor what you do in your lunch break?!

Butnotreally1 · 20/07/2026 15:04

ilovesooty · 20/07/2026 14:57

Presumably he knows that. I imagine what he means is that there will be no accommodation for flexible or extended lunch breaks to run errands etc

Yes that’s a good point

and i asked whether the example the op of him ringing the op after her DH delivered a coffee during a zoom involved external clients and her DH appearing on screen… which would be unprofessional

Butnotreally1 · 20/07/2026 15:02

Fupoffyagrasshole · 20/07/2026 15:02

lolz what a loser - your hour break is not paid so its not up to him what you do in that time! how can he even monitor that!

Again

Even if unpaid… he has no control over what the op does over her lunch break

keepincool · 20/07/2026 15:02

I would make sure all 40 of you have a brew in front of you at your next team meeting and make sure any pets give a bum flash to the camera (my cat likes to flash his bum when I'm on team meetings)

ThirdStorm · 20/07/2026 15:02

embargo on lunch time errands, such as laundry, popping to the post office or collecting the car from the garage.

How is he going to know what you do in your lunch time?!

Fupoffyagrasshole · 20/07/2026 15:02

lolz what a loser - your hour break is not paid so its not up to him what you do in that time! how can he even monitor that!

malloryknox123 · 20/07/2026 15:02

Is he telling you that you have to be at your workstation and working during your contracted hours, and that you shouldn’t pop to the post office or nip away to do laundry during those hours?

MajorProcrastination · 20/07/2026 15:01

YNBU, your new boss is an arse.

Gather evidence, make notes, refer to the staff handbook and your contract, engage HR, be clear about the concerns.

Are you part of a union?

Regardless, if you're able to approach HR as a collective, especially with your evidence that your combined productivity was excellent before his demands and that motivation and job satisfaction have decreased, do that.

As someone else suggested, drink your water out of a mug.

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 20/07/2026 15:01

Does he expect you to be flexible for him?

ThisSereneGoose · 20/07/2026 15:00

Theunamedcat · 20/07/2026 14:52

Just put a flask in camera shot doesn't matter if its full or not if he tries taking you to task point out you haven't moved you poured it out your flask see if he tries to ban those

that's not really a solution.

They are all professional adults, it's not sustainable to try to do things behind the boss' back because he's an idiot. No one can work in an environment like this.

Womanofcustard · 20/07/2026 15:00

New boss/new rules has happened twice to me in my working life, and once to DH. Resulting each time in our leaving. DH’s former department now closing!
OP, would you be able to get a similar or better job elsewhere?

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 20/07/2026 14:58

I’d start drinking every drink out of a mug.

SusieMyersonAndAssociates · 20/07/2026 14:58

Yep. Report to HR and ignore, ignore, ignore

ilovesooty · 20/07/2026 14:57

concertinacornflake · 20/07/2026 14:27

It's a lunch break, whether paid or unpaid people can do as they like.

Presumably he knows that. I imagine what he means is that there will be no accommodation for flexible or extended lunch breaks to run errands etc

Rosegard · 20/07/2026 14:56

Have you looked carefully at Dignity at Work policy in the UK and how that applies?
It seems like this could be a situation where employees could feel harrassed and unsafe by him.

Have you spoken to ACAS?
They might have a different view to HR.

keepincool · 20/07/2026 14:55

Our dignity at work policy defines what your manager is doing as bullying:

Work-related bullying may include, but is not limited to:
a) setting up someone to fail by giving them unachievable tasks, an unmanageable workload or impossible deadlines, or making unreasonable demands;
b) inappropriate monitoring of work or overbearing supervision;

KiIIingMeDeftly · 20/07/2026 14:54

How would he know what you use your lunch break for, as long as you only take the allocated hour? Not his business what you get up to during it.

Pistachiocake · 20/07/2026 14:53

Water ok? If it's in a flask or insulated bottle, how would anyone know what it is? Seems daft.
Lunchbreak-even when I worked in an office (these days that job would be wfh) I was allowed to shop on my lunchbreak.
As long as people are there when they're supposed to be, don't see any issue, and he could lose good people. But as the job market is so bad in many places, he might get away with it as people as so desperate.

Theunamedcat · 20/07/2026 14:52

Just put a flask in camera shot doesn't matter if its full or not if he tries taking you to task point out you haven't moved you poured it out your flask see if he tries to ban those

Offcom · 20/07/2026 14:51

How does he have time to do his actual work when he’s on full-time hot drink diary monitoring duty?

Edited to add a potential answer to the question about why he’s being such a knob:
www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0749597826000300

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 20/07/2026 14:49

He sounds like a controlling arsehole. I would band together as a team and raise with HR. I make tea or coffee during my work day. Good to get a break from staring at the screen.

Never heard of anyone saying tea and coffee is unprofessional.

TheyGrewUp · 20/07/2026 14:45

Buggeroffboss · 20/07/2026 14:21

He said in writing that we were to schedule tea breaks in our diary and not to brew up outside of that and then has taken 2 people aside after they were on a meeting with drinks and he had checked their diary and they didn't have a tea break scheduled. He's since advised that if people do have drinks in meetings he will be checking their schedules.

I'd find it hard to resist saying "the maid brought it"

Butnotreally1 · 20/07/2026 14:41

Do you suspect he might be singling you out @Buggeroffboss ?

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