AIBU to break the 'never comment on weight' rule with my friend after sports day?"

It’s never ok.

She’s knows

She doesn’t need you to say anything and anything you say will make her feel like shit.

26. Wow. That is incredibly dangerous! Please ignore people on this thread. Women on mumsnet are often cowardly and want a 'quiet life' so they won't say anything and encourage others to say nothing. Not realising that they are HURTING the people who they say they 'care' about when they won't intervene. They want to 'be nice'. But Size 26? That's scary. I know because I was once a size 20. And what I needed the most? Was my friend to be fucking straight with me. Instead of looking away. It's 2026 and you still have the cowardly meek women on this site advising you to 'say nothing', when now is exactly when you MOST need to say something. Ignore the cowardly 'quiet lifers' on here. Talk to your friend because unlike the wishywashy women on here, you actually care about your friend's health, and you don't want her to have a heart attack or stroke.

More often than not, straight talk is needed, which is something UK women don't seem to have grasped yet.

I genuinely do not understand your intentions.

This is either rage bait or you think your friend is stupid.

Do you think she has no idea that she’s put on weight?

If she was a size 14 then it may be possible that she hasn’t realised how much weight she’s put on but at size 26 - a size that most shops don’t even stock - she’ll be more than aware.

She is unwell and she is struggling but if she wanted you to know more then she’d have told you by now.
Perhaps try and spend more time with her to be as better support for her.

You could frame it like you noticed how breathless she was last week, is that usual for her, you know it’s been hot etc but was a bit concerned? No need to mention her weight, but a generalised health related supportive comment might be a way to let her know you are worried about her. If she bats it off, fine, she is an adult. Might be enough to open a conversation if that is something she wants to discuss further but I wouldn’t push the weight agenda at all, am sure she is more than aware of how weight can impact daily life.

As somebody who is fat and unfit we know. We absolutely know. We know we know we know.

We don’t need “well meaning” friends pointing out the obvious.

It’s like when people tell me I’m tall.

And you think it would be a good idea to say to her, are you finding things a bit hard physically ? A size 26 woman who you watched struggle on sports day?

a 26 is hugely concerning, but she didn’t wake up that size. It’s taken time, years likely,

but I’m not sure about what you’re posting. Very few size 26 women will attempt to run,or be surprised they can’t, at this size you struggle to walk any distances, your mobility is severely impacted. Your size 26 friend apparently succeeded and just had to drop out before the end.

so I’m not sure I beleive you.

People can tell you you're overweight/fat until they're blue in the face it won't make one jot of difference, it has to come from the person themselves, there's usually a trigger involved (most of the time) such as seeing a photo of themselves or a Dr saying lose weight or you'll be dead in a year, so a friend telling them they're fat won't do anything, in fact she might just get arsey with you..

Have you ever been overweight?

Why do you think 90% of nearly 2,000 people might have said don’t do it? Maybe they have some insight.

This! Do you really think she doesn’t already know? just mind your own business 🙄

And what exactly do you think OP is going to achieve her?

I disagree with the vote here. I strongly do. I think if there is a way to talk to your friend, you should take it. It's not about looks, it's about her health. And you care about her. Do it. Talk to her. Friends are supposed to 'give it to you straight'. That's the point of friends. Otherwise, what's the point?

I understand that you care, but what do you expect to achieve from that conversation realistically? What jumped out from your OP is that the issue is really your feelings about your friend’s weight gain. You say you are struggling with it, you feel uncomfortable, it made you feel sad. For what it’s worth I think your friend is well aware and she made a joke to hide her embarrassment, dealing with it quite well.

I think you need to maybe explore why you feel this way and how to deal with that yourself. I don’t mean that glibly. I think the only positive from a conversation like that would be for you, in saying something you want to say. I don’t think it would help your friend at all though.

I just don't understand what you think commenting anything at all about her weight gain would achieve? As you've already acknowledged, she knows and will also be well aware that physically things are harder for her now too.

It won't benefit anyone. What exactly would be the point?

Obviously she knows
Does she not have mirrors at home
You think she's going to thank you for your comments and lap up your concerns..so happy you felt able to mention this to her , because now she can start to lose the weight.
Your giving yourself more credit to influence her life than you have
If your a true friend,you love her regardless,and any mention of weight gain will make her feel shit .plus ..it's none of your business

I wouldn’t say anything because I don’t think it’s an appropriate topic for a friend. Somebody has to want to do it themselves to make a change. I would probably only broach the topic of weight if it was my husband or a VERY close family member and I was worried about their health.

You don’t get to 9+ stone overweight without being acutely aware of it and the fact that it causes serious health problems.

You would also be aware that you can’t deal with it until you’re in the right mindset and have the determination that comes from within.

So you of all people should have known it wasn’t a good idea to say something.

‘know she's probably aware of her weight’ well yes , do you think she isn’t ? Do you think she needs you point it out? What ‘help’ could you possibly give ?!! For the love of god say nothing. Feel sad if you want to, but feel sad quietly , alone.

My personal experience of dealing with similar wasn’t appreciated. I got told they were fine, happy with the way they looked and I was being fat phobic

Id gone in from the health point of view. Everyone involved thought I’d be the best person to approach them as I’ve lost 9 stone (without glp’s) but nope I was being fat phonic

Trust me, she knows, but until she wants to deal with her weight issue there’s not much you can done☹️

Ok then

Do not do this.
You may lose a friend.
She is not blind.
She knows she is overweight.

Don't mention her weight as all fat people know they have a problem,but no harm in you doing a Zumba class or going to local gym and asking her if she would like to come with you. She can only say no thanks..

@WhyCantISayFork I was morbidly obese and I wasn’t at deaths door. Sure I was risking my health in many different ways and it would eventually cause me significant issues no doubt. But other than that I was doing everything for everyone in my life that they expected and needed me to do. Working, childcare, cleaning, life admin, visiting family, going to events etc etc. To say that I was at deaths door is unnecessary hyperbole. I wasn’t even actually unwell in myself, so my friends deciding that I needed an intervention would have been a massive overstep.

None of that means that it’s always wrong to speak to someone about concerns for their health. That’s also a bit of hyperbole.

Yes, I was naturally slim until I put on weight! I think when you’re naturally slim, you can get lulled into a false understanding of your own metabolism - something changes (lifestyle, hormones, the ageing process etc) and it soon piles on without you eating any more than before.

yes you have reminded me of the rule. No personal comments unless its a really fast fix.