Page 6 | AIBU to break the 'never comment on weight' rule with my friend after sports day?"

Newsenmum · 20/07/2026 17:52

Whatever is stopping her losing weight won’t be fixed by you saying something. Think about why you want to say something.

Harry12345 · 20/07/2026 17:52

Poppingby · 20/07/2026 12:06

I feel like of late UK society in general - maybe it's social media but not just that - has been more and more fatphobic to the extent where being fat is the worst thing you can be and that it's a very simple phenomenon with a single cause. This is often thinly veiled as concern for people's health.

But if there were other things where you wouldn't comment on people's habits then don't do it with fat either. Would you tell your friend if she sat out in the sun too much without sunscreen? If you thought she drank too much? If she drove too fast? Ate too much salt or drank too much diet coke? Suppressed her anger too often? Probably not. But because you can see the effects of eating on her body you think you definitely know what is causing it and also that might be your place to say something because it is so bad you would be remiss not to.

It is not your place. You are her friend. Love her for who she is without trying to change her even if you think you can.

I disagree with all of this, lots of young woman are way larger and seem to be way more body positive than the past. There’s loads of overweight people since 20 years ago and it’s as if it’s the norm. When I was young girls wouldn’t have dreamed of wearing the stuff if they were the size some young ones are now.
Being fat isn’t healthy and leads to multiple health issues as well as putting a strain on the nhs. As for your other points, I would say to a friend if I thought they were drinking too much and had an issue and I would definitely comment if she drove too fast whilst I was in the car

Pickledonions12 · 20/07/2026 17:52

Shes fat. I find fat people prefer not to be told that they're fat

ClassActress · 20/07/2026 17:52

I have a fairly thick skin for comments on my weight. It’s been up and down since my teens partly because of medications for MH conditions. If a friend felt the need to point out weight gain and say they are concerned about me, I would be mostly baffled rather than embarrassed or offended. I’m a grown woman and can worry about my own health.

Overthehillmum63 · 20/07/2026 17:51

You know perfectly well it’s a ridiculous idea.

JHound · 20/07/2026 17:50

LunaShip · 20/07/2026 17:38

89% unreasonable??? What?! Flip it: if she had lost the same weight she gained and fainted because of being underweight / malnourished, would you even be on here or would you have said something already? Forget political correctness and help her!

Right on! I cannot believe (well I can, knowing what British/UK women are like) the cowardice for a 'quiet life' on here. It's an act of selfishness of itself, putting aside wanting to 'be nice' and a 'quiet life' ahead of being a good friend and doing what it's right. FFS, they need American women to come on here and give it straight! And OP's friend needs an intervention.

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Yes. The USA - the land of the famously thin due to American women letting all their fat friends know they are fat.

WearyAuldWumman · 20/07/2026 17:50

Brightlittlecanary · 20/07/2026 17:30

She’s a size 26, she’s unlikely to want to do gym classes.

if indeed she exists or is a size 26.

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Nonsense.

I was in my 60s and a size 22 when I went back to the gym. There are women there significantly bigger than I was. Some of them are taller than I am (5ft 8) but not all of them.

Some of them attend a 6 wk specialist class to kickstart their training and they then move on to drop in sessions, regular classes and individual use of the gym.

One of the most popular classes is Musical Theatre Fitness and there are a lot of big girls there.

I completed my first Parkrun on Saturday and the young woman who finished just in front of me is significantly larger than I've ever been. Our times were slow, but we did it. (Just over 54 minutes for the 5k for me.)

JHound · 20/07/2026 17:48

LunaShip · 20/07/2026 17:29

Saving her friend's life? Is that not worth anything? If after her friend has a heart attack/stroke and dies, wtf do you think a 'be nice for quiet life' will mean then? Get real.

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This is absolutely looney toons. Yes all a fat person needs is their friend telling they they are fat (which they know) and suddenly they will eat salads, run 10k everyday.

If only every person would be sure to let fat people know they are fat, obesity would be eradicated in a generation.

Allswellthatendswelll · 20/07/2026 17:47

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 20/07/2026 15:24

Because weight is a very different issue to not being able to say no to babysitting your next door neighbour’s kids or spending £2k on your sister’s hen do.

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Exactly! I once saw a thing aimed at primary kids that said "if someone can't change something about themselves in 5 minutes then don’t mention it". Also if a friend of mine was drinking too much I wouldn't mention it unless they were acting like a dick/ being dangerous. This woman is hurting anyone- she is simply being a fat person in the world.

JHound · 20/07/2026 17:45

LunaShip · 20/07/2026 17:28

Wow. That is incredibly dangerous! Please ignore people on this thread. Women on mumsnet are often cowardly and want a 'quiet life' so they won't say anything and encourage others to say nothing. Not realising that they are HURTING the people who they say they 'care' about when they won't intervene. They want to 'be nice'. But Size 26? That's scary. I know because I was once a size 20. And what I needed the most? Was my friend to be fucking straight with me. Instead of looking away. It's 2026 and you still have the cowardly meek women on this site advising you to 'say nothing', when now is exactly when you MOST need to say something. Ignore the cowardly 'quiet lifers' on here. Talk to your friend because unlike the wishywashy women on here, you actually care about your friend's health, and you don't want her to have a heart attack or stroke.

More often than not, straight talk is needed, which is something UK women don't seem to have grasped yet.

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It’s not about being cowardly. It’s stating the bleeding obvious. So you tell them something they already know? And? So? Now what?

OnlyHasEyesForLoki · 20/07/2026 17:45

I used to be very overweight myself (a size 20 which for me is huge) and no one said anything. I sort of knew but I was deluded about what I actually looked like because I still had quite a slim face, neck and shoulders so shoulders up photos were ok. Then I saw a full length photo of me from the side I didn’t know had been taken and I was horrified. I looked 9 months pregnant. It was a shock. It would have been painful but I wish someone had (kindly) said something. I went on to lose 6.5 stone and now exercise a lot and have a v healthy lifestyle which wasn’t easy but I’m glad I did it before I got even bigger.

There is a teacher at my children’s secondary school I only see probably once a year at big events (because she teaches food technology and my children didn’t choose it as an option) and I swear she seems to double in size every year. She is now so big she can’t get through a doorway forwards and has to squeeze through sideways. She looks like she’s going to expire after walking just a few steps and has to swing her legs outwards because her thighs are so huge to be able to move her legs. Why has no one close to her (she has a husband and teenage children) said to her they are worried about her?

When it gets beyond being about how someone looks and clearly is affecting their mobility and health I do think it’s a genuine concern.

EmmaB1309 · 20/07/2026 17:43

She knows. No need for you to make her feel worse.

VelociraptorsVelociRapping · 20/07/2026 17:41

LunaShip · 20/07/2026 17:38

89% unreasonable??? What?! Flip it: if she had lost the same weight she gained and fainted because of being underweight / malnourished, would you even be on here or would you have said something already? Forget political correctness and help her!

Right on! I cannot believe (well I can, knowing what British/UK women are like) the cowardice for a 'quiet life' on here. It's an act of selfishness of itself, putting aside wanting to 'be nice' and a 'quiet life' ahead of being a good friend and doing what it's right. FFS, they need American women to come on here and give it straight! And OP's friend needs an intervention.

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Ah yes, the US of A. Famously a nation of a healthy weight. Your direct approach is clearly doing the trick at a national level.

Plumnora · 20/07/2026 17:41

Trust me, she knows she's gained weight and I'm sure if she wanted your opinion she'd have asked by now.
I used to be very slim and fit. Then I wasn't.
I couldn't even look in a mirror for years. I was fully aware that I was fat, unfit, unattractive and struggling with previously easy activities. I mean I wouldn't even have attempted the mums race!
But I certainly didn't need any "well meaning" friends pointing out what I was already painfully aware of. And to their credit, not one of them ever did (to my face anyway).
And now I've lost weight they all tell me I look great because they're lovely friends!

hourglass2 · 20/07/2026 17:39

ChunkyMonkey36 · 20/07/2026 17:33

The very last thing I would do is go to a gym class with my size 10 friend.

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But she attemped to run in front of the whole school so maybe she's not the shy type. The gym I go to no one cares they really don't, everyone working out has their reasons or goals to be there, they just zone out with headphones on, no one looks at each other either, it's great.

ByUniqueViper · 20/07/2026 17:39

Instead why not try do you want to come for a walk or do you fancy coming to zumba wit me.
She doesn't need someone to point out what she already knows!

LunaShip · 20/07/2026 17:38

Awkwardisfunny · 20/07/2026 17:34

89% unreasonable??? What?! Flip it: if she had lost the same weight she gained and fainted because of being underweight / malnourished, would you even be on here or would you have said something already? Forget political correctness and help her!

How to address it... That's a tricky one. I'd be offering support. So to go with her to any activities (walking, running, cardio at the gym) and to work at her pace so she won't be alone. But weight gain is about food. So maybe you ask her if she needs emotional support with anything. Try to understand why she is overeating.

It's so sad seeing someone struggle with a basic walk uphill or a gentle jog. That isn't normal and it's a serious health (and personal safety) issue.

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89% unreasonable??? What?! Flip it: if she had lost the same weight she gained and fainted because of being underweight / malnourished, would you even be on here or would you have said something already? Forget political correctness and help her!

Right on! I cannot believe (well I can, knowing what British/UK women are like) the cowardice for a 'quiet life' on here. It's an act of selfishness of itself, putting aside wanting to 'be nice' and a 'quiet life' ahead of being a good friend and doing what it's right. FFS, they need American women to come on here and give it straight! And OP's friend needs an intervention.

WhyCantISayFork · 20/07/2026 17:38

Awkwardisfunny · 20/07/2026 17:34

89% unreasonable??? What?! Flip it: if she had lost the same weight she gained and fainted because of being underweight / malnourished, would you even be on here or would you have said something already? Forget political correctness and help her!

How to address it... That's a tricky one. I'd be offering support. So to go with her to any activities (walking, running, cardio at the gym) and to work at her pace so she won't be alone. But weight gain is about food. So maybe you ask her if she needs emotional support with anything. Try to understand why she is overeating.

It's so sad seeing someone struggle with a basic walk uphill or a gentle jog. That isn't normal and it's a serious health (and personal safety) issue.

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Apparently it would be “fuck all to do with you” if your friend fainted from being underweight and to suggest otherwise makes you a body-shaming rage-baiter

Pinkissmart · 20/07/2026 17:37

Christ, no. What good will come of it?
If you want to be a good friend, just hang out with her and make sure she knows how much you care

Awkwardisfunny · 20/07/2026 17:34

emzybobz89 · 20/07/2026 10:49

This has been going round and round in my head since last week and I can't decide whether to get involved or not.

One of my closest friends has gained a significant amount of weight over the last few years. I don't mean a bit of weight after having children or a few extra pounds creeping on, she has steadily gained weight over a number of years.

We've been friends for years and I love her to bits, which is why I'm struggling with this. Its not about judgement of how she looks etc but serious concern.

Last week was the kids school sports day and they did parents races at the end. She decided to take part in it and I actually thought it was lovely because she's always been the sort of person who joins in and has a laugh.

But she struggled almost straight away. She was completely out of breath despite not even really getting into a jog and ended up having to stop before the finish. I felt really uncomfortable watching because it was obvious she was finding it physically difficult.

Afterwards she laughed it off and started making jokes about herself, saying things like she'd forgotten that she wasn't 20 any more and that she wouldn't be volunteering for anything like that again. Everyone laughed with her, but I came away feeling quite sad about it. I can't really explain why it's stayed with me, but it has.

It's not about her being a certain size or how she looks, it was seeing someone I care about struggle with something that a few years ago, she would probably have managed without thinking twice.

I've been wondering whether I should say something to her. Not "you need to lose weight" or anything blunt like that. More just asking if she's okay and whether she's finding things harder physically lately. But obviously I know she's probably aware of her weight and obviously there could also be things going on that I know nothing about.

I'm completely torn because I don't want to embarrass her or make her feel judged, but I also wonder whether being a good friend sometimes means having an awkward conversation because you care.

I know the obvious answer is to just leave it alone, but if I were to say something, how would you go about it if it were your frend?

AIBU to even be considering saying something, or would the kindest thing be to leave it alone?

89% unreasonable??? What?! Flip it: if she had lost the same weight she gained and fainted because of being underweight / malnourished, would you even be on here or would you have said something already? Forget political correctness and help her!

How to address it... That's a tricky one. I'd be offering support. So to go with her to any activities (walking, running, cardio at the gym) and to work at her pace so she won't be alone. But weight gain is about food. So maybe you ask her if she needs emotional support with anything. Try to understand why she is overeating.

It's so sad seeing someone struggle with a basic walk uphill or a gentle jog. That isn't normal and it's a serious health (and personal safety) issue.

ChunkyMonkey36 · 20/07/2026 17:33

Blueskies77 · 20/07/2026 17:29

Do you go to the gym, or to exercise classes? If you don’t, you could always suggest to your friend a couple classes you’re interested in going to and asking if she fancies joining you? Then it’s a nice social class and if she enjoys it and wants to go again then great for her! Otherwise I wouldn’t say anything.

The very last thing I would do is go to a gym class with my size 10 friend.

hourglass2 · 20/07/2026 17:33

I'm amazed she jogged/trotted as far as she did at size 26! (if this is real)

Brightlittlecanary · 20/07/2026 17:30

Blueskies77 · 20/07/2026 17:29

Do you go to the gym, or to exercise classes? If you don’t, you could always suggest to your friend a couple classes you’re interested in going to and asking if she fancies joining you? Then it’s a nice social class and if she enjoys it and wants to go again then great for her! Otherwise I wouldn’t say anything.

She’s a size 26, she’s unlikely to want to do gym classes.

if indeed she exists or is a size 26.

Blueskies77 · 20/07/2026 17:29

Do you go to the gym, or to exercise classes? If you don’t, you could always suggest to your friend a couple classes you’re interested in going to and asking if she fancies joining you? Then it’s a nice social class and if she enjoys it and wants to go again then great for her! Otherwise I wouldn’t say anything.

LunaShip · 20/07/2026 17:29

1HappyTraveller · 20/07/2026 17:21

And what exactly do you think OP is going to achieve her?

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Saving her friend's life? Is that not worth anything? If after her friend has a heart attack/stroke and dies, wtf do you think a 'be nice for quiet life' will mean then? Get real.