AIBU to break the 'never comment on weight' rule with my friend after sports day?"

Thank you for expressing this, my thoughts entirely!

OK, well that was an example of how to express concern w/o pity.
Another example could be "I care about you and I'm worried".

Again, as I've said. I have been the object of such concern and it was not said with pity.

Someone once told me out of concern that I had put on weight. Did they really think I didn’t know?!! All it made me feel was really crap. Like everyone looking at me was thinking how fat I was.

People who are overweight and unfit, already know it. They don't need it pointing out. It limits their life and choices every day. She probably has a dozen failed diet starts behind her. Every time she looks at you a little voice will be saying " look she's so slim not like me, I'm useless and fat."

But in order for you to tell someone that something sounds hard, they have to have first said it’s hard.

OPs friend hasn’t yet said she’s struggling with her weight.

So you are in fact saying that - concern = pity and therefore you should not speak to someone about an issue of concern.

I disagree.
Concern - that sounds hard, how can I help
Pity - oh you poor thing

Saying you are worried about someone is not pity.

You can feel it but to speak to them about it, won't come across well. And let's face it; if you're concerned about someone, you do pity their situation.

You’re saying you can’t feel concern for someone unless you are in the same situation?

If she spoke to her about it, it would be because she was 'concerned'. Concerned when you're not in the same situation translates to pity or condemnation. That's how it will be read.

How about something more supportive?

‘I’ve been thinking after that parents’ race - I better start training for next year! Do you fancy joining me for a power walk sometime? Hoping to start gradual and build up my fitness’

Yes still her 2nd Mum! We had a chat once she’d calmed down. She knows I love her beyond measure and only want what’s best for her but she’s asked for her weight and/or lack of exercise to not come up again as she isn’t looking to do anything about it, she’s not unhappy - so I’ve respected that. I’ll be there for her when the penny drops and give her whatever support she wants. The penny will drop be in next month or in 10 years, and I’ll be there for her. Not much else I can do

A sibling, parent or spouse 100% yes I would.

Friend, depends on your relationship and how she would react

And it still doesn’t change the fact that he would still have been vulnerable to the diseases that are associated with being overweight. Being fit is fine. Being overweight carries risk, let’s not minimise it.

It's much too complicated to say "I gained weight as a results of my friend's intervention". I was already having professional support. I do know that I felt supported by her and that she enabled me to speak openly. So yes, I think she did help. The point I was trying to make was that I didn't mind my good friend expressing concern.

OP, I think it’s unfair that people are giving you such a hard time. I accept that your motives are good. But you speaking to her about her weight would only embarrass and humiliate her. You can’t say anything she doesn’t already know and since you aren't in the same position you can’t be a partner in any weight-loss journey. You could be encouraging, I suppose, but it would be humiliating for her.

If she loses any weight you can be quick to notice and tell her she looks good, but apart from that you should do and say nothing.

None of what OP posted came across as pity.

Did you win?!

I really don’t see how people are jumping to fat shaming - other than the fact that this is MN and however you post about this subject matter, and whatever your motivation for doing so, you’re going to be publicly shamed for being a terrible person. The post is clearly not about her weight, other than to give detail about the fact that it’s the weight gained that’s causing the health problems experienced at the sports day. If this detail were omitted OP would be accused of drip feeding.

That this is another example of posters shaming an OP off their own thread is depressing enough. But that so many posters really, seriously think that OP has ulterior motives and just wants to make a friend she loves and cares about feel shame, says much more about them than it does OP. Going through life thinking the very worst of people is very very sad.

Yes but didn’t answer my question. Did you gain weight?

This is my post from earlier "When I was very unwell with an ED, my childhood friend who I meet up with a few times a year (and is a GP) did send me a concerned message. She was worried about me. I was able to tell her that I was struggling and was receiving professional help. Mentally I was in a state of denial, intellectually I knew I was very underweight. If she'd raised it when we had met up it would have been terribly difficult; doing so from a bit of distance was still uncomfortable but gave me space to sit with acknowledging that I was unwell.
It didn't change our friendship at all."

Did it help? Did you start gaining weight?

I did post up thread and say that my friend DID express concern about my health (physical and emotional) and I did not take it as any sort of shaming, but genuine concern.
The difference? I was too thin.