AIBU to break the 'never comment on weight' rule with my friend after sports day?"

I don't see anything in the OPs post that she wants to tell her she's fat as other posters have suggested. Sounds like she's just concerned a d wants to check in to see if there is something her friend might need support with. There is a difference.

I do agree with others though that it's best to leave it and let her raise it if she wants to.

no of course not. Whay on earth do you think will happen if you ask her if she’s finding things difficult. Some light bulb go off in her head. That you can then tell her it’s her weighr, like she’s no idea as she blamed her age at rhe sports day.

no, say nothing. She’s married, if someone is to say something it’s her husband. Not you.

I think you are right to ask a more general question about how she is , how she is coping with life because the weight may be part of a bigger picture of struggling

Of all places, sports day is the biggest held up mirror of all.

Do and say nothing. This might have been the turning point she needs and if she's lost a stone and a half by Christmas, she will have done it on her own.

She knows she's fat. Talking to her about it, no matter how kindly meant, will make her feel fucking awful.

No, what has led to the obesity epidemic is oversupply of super calorific, nutritionally void food and sedentary lifestyles.

It’s NOT people being afraid to tell their friends and family a fact they’re already painfully aware of.

Fat people know they're fat. What are you going to say? "Eat less, move more"? "Are you aware that obesity increases the risk of various diseases"? "Don't know if you've heard, but there's a drug for that now"?

You have no information that she doesn't already have.

Whether it's humble or not, it's just plain wrong. A fear of causing offence is absolutely not one of the reasons behind the obesity epidemic. There are many reasons, but that is most definitely not one of them. You can easily find out more information about the causes though, if you're interested.

Some people find juggling a family and work really hard, and often the first thing to fall off their list is self-care. It's not that they are not aware they are gaining weight / losing witness etc they just don't have the capacity to deal with it
On the outside, it may look like they have it all, but behind the scenes they are struggling.

She will likely really value you being a good listener and being up for having fun. And if she does start losing weight, please don't gush over her.

Absolutely this. And in my humble opinion not talking about these things openly from a place of concern without fear of causing offence is what has led us to the epidemic of obesity we currently have in the UK.

What’s your opener going to be? ‘Hey fatty, why you so fat?’

You think she wasn’t embarrassed at sports day? You think she doesn’t know she’s overweight? You think you should start to stop doing MORE things because of her embarrassing weight?

If You don’t want the chubby friend, then back off from the friendship or wait until she specifically asks you to help her lose weight. Which will never happen BTW.

It’s worth noting that advice in losing weight or getting fit is usually sought from people who have lost weight or got fit. Peer support is usually sought from other overweight or unfit people or experts.

It wasn’t “other people” though, it was your GP. That is much more of a wake up call than a friend telling you something you already know.

Exactly who needs friends like that! ☹️

OP I understand your sadness. It’s hard to see someone you care about so incapacitated. Is there any room to broach the subject of fitness rather than weight ? To say that you saw she was much less fit than she used to be at the race and would she like to start couch-to-5k or join a walking club or a class or similar? Is there any exercise you do that she could join ?

She, the OP, the sage and wise guru will place a trembling hand on her friend's shoulder and gaze with great sincerity into her eyes.

"Listen, I don't know how to say this...I really want to help you darling. I promise this is coming from a place of love...Darling, do you - do you realise you're....fat?!"

"My God!" her friend will reply "That's why I'm out of breath all the time and knackered when I climb stairs! So that's why my clothes don't fit me anymore! It all suddenly makes sense! Thank God for you! Oh please, please, help me oh wise and skinny one! And thank you for your pity and interference, instead of just abandoning me! Tell me, oh do tell me what to do! Only you can save me!"

Don't be a twat OP, you're as transparent as glass. Leave the poor woman alone. As you already know, she already knows she's fat.

If she wants your interference, she'll ask for it.

I would not say anything in this instance .She knows and will/wont do something about it in due course .Just be there as a chum and dont say anything at all

The only way it would be risk-free to discuss it would be if she initiates a conversation about it.

Otherwise, you risk upsetting her - it's as simple as that.

Do you want to take that risk?

Did you keep all that from close friends?
I'd try to meet up under circumstances that we could talk and throw in asking if everything is ok, how's general life going etc, while probably having bits to share myself. If she chooses not to say anything then don't revisit it again.

It’s going to take more than a couple of walks round the park. Whatever exercise you do, you can’t outrun a bad diet. But walking round the park is an opportunity to talk. Some people just slide into poor food choices and some others eat because they’re unhappy.

Sure, could be, but perhaps not. People are often in denial about their own situation (just read a few threads on here!). I think a bit of gentle probing would be acceptable. Definitely a tricky topic to broach, of course!

Edit: oops, replied to the wrong thread

YABU

It’s not about weight. One of the fittest men I ever knew was severely over-weight. Fat people can be fit.

This man would have been classed as obese but could run fast and for long distances and was incredibly strong (he delivered bundles of newspapers every day and carried them around like toys when other men had to use barrows).

FFS !!

There is walking and then there is walking.

If you are concerned about her health maybe suggest meeting up in a park for a quick walk and a coffee. Keep the walk gentle and don’t lecture or drop hints on nutrition or exercise. She probably knows more about those topics than you.

You could over time introduce the idea of another low impact activity like Pilates. But your friend may be embarrassed to attend a class so maybe suggest you do it together and at home.

If she doesn’t want to do these things let it drop. Instead just encourage her to get out and about. This could lift her mood and confidence. It might not.

feel what you feel but mind your business.