AIBU to break the 'never comment on weight' rule with my friend after sports day?"

What? You’re saying the obesity epidemic is caused by people being afraid to say anything- it’s not, at all.

Don’t unless she brings it up to you. There isn’t a good way unfortunately. Maybe invite her out for coffee walks and catch up walks while the weather is nice.

if you do a low impact class she would like, invite her to that.

ETA quote

@ThreadGuardDog what kind of support could the OP offer her friend that would make a genuine difference to her situation and enable her to lose weight?

If she doesn’t like walking, she may well say no thanks.

Which I have done, many times before, rather than lug myself round a park with a friend who would be running round it if I wasn't there.

You unfortunately can’t just force activity on people.

What do you think it would achieve? Do you have a magic wand to wave and improve her fitness?

Because whatever you have in mind I can guarantee you she is aware of her weight and nothing you say is going to make a bit of difference.

Even if you suggest doing things together that might not work - I hate the gym and I hate exercising with other people. I did go for regular walks with friends because they asked and I’m polite but I hated every single damn second. Because my brain just doesn’t work in a competitive or joint accountability way.

So what do you think you can offer that is new and will work?

Your friend has been sharply reminded that she is out of condition. Pointing out the Bleeding Obvious would be unnecessary and unkind.

So you think if you tell her it's some kind of revelation that she didn't already know and is going to change her life? 🙄

I completely understand your concern OP and have a similar situation with a good friend. The concern for a loved one's health is valid. If you like walking maybe suggest meeting for a walk in the park or a local pretty place to make the most of the summer?

How about OP has seen her friend struggle at the sports day and wants to gently point out that the weight gain may be having an effect, and ask does her friend need any support ?

You can't save anyone, but you can do alot of damage in trying.

OP isn’t feeling sad about the weight gain itself, it’s about the knock on effect on her friends’ health. Is it really too much to believe that after witnessing someone they love struggle with weight related issues, someone would be genuinely concerned and want to help ? Looking at some of the comments on this thread that would appear to be the case, because every single time an OP posts similar the words ‘faux concern’ appear and they’re torn to shreds. It’s batshit.

I just can’t understand why you think pointing out her weight gain would be a good idea at all?

What good would it do? Is it because you want to know why she has gained weight?

She knows she has gained weight and she obviously doesn’t want to discuss it with you. It could be for any number of reasons and she probably knows those reasons (medications, thyroid, ED, depression or something else) and it’s none of your business.

So, you want to ‘gently’ point out to her that she’s fat, and that you are worried as this will result in health issues. This must be on the basis she doesn’t realise she’s fat and thus at risk of health issues? Don’t be fucking daft. Of course she knows all of this. What do you really hope to achieve by pointing out something she already knows?

I get it OP.
I’ve got a friend who’s overweight and she’s recently been diagnosed with high blood pressure and she’s also pre diabetic. I feel worried that I’m going to lose her I guess or that she’s not going to be able to be active or do as much fun stuff with me in the future because of her health. It’s got nothing to do with the way she looks or shaming, it’s because I love this friend.

It’s hard because you really want to say something in hope it’ll make them change but you can’t because it won’t lead to anything and might even make things worse .It’s a feeling of powerlessness.

Come on.

If you’ve been a fat person you’ll know that we’re told all of the time.

By clothes sizing, by availability of fat person clothes, by judging looks when you’re melting in the summer, by people’s faces when you order something that isn’t a salad, and obviously by people who outright say it.

I don’t think anyone is shocked to one day learn they’re fat. We all have eyes, and mirrors, and judged lives.

You sound rather patronising. No you shouldn't feel 'sad' about your friends weight. You should mibd your own business.

It was a wake up call, yes. But not because it was my GP. It was the realisation that although I knew I was overweight and needed to do something about it, other people were noticing. It brought it home harder because the words were nothing to do with my appearance or the weight itself, but the effects on my health, which were already beginning to make their presence felt. OP is concerned about her friend for much the same reasons after witnessing her friend struggling on sports day.

this nails it!

People my gran's and even mum's age actually could have done with this information. She says women weren't encouraged to do weights, and while I know there's a lot of luck involved, there's some truth in saying a lot of older women would be healthier now if they'd known that.
Likewise, when I was young in the nineties/noughties I don't remember a lot of advice about sleep being important, or how bad UPFs were for us, so in a case when you genuinely think a person might not know something, it's not shaming to say it.
Is it relevant to your friend though, OP?
I actually wish any of my friends had got me into things like yoga when I was young. If you feel you could help her by doing it, I don't see it's shaming. Some people are nervous of starting a gym class etc alone, and would like a friend to take them. Last point-some people do put on weight despite eating well etc, and could do with seeing a doctor, so again, if she has a thyroid issue etc, a friend who encourages her to get tested is helping, not patronising.

Well clearly that’s not the case on MN is it ? The word here seems to be shut up and say nothing, lest you cause offence.

Another person who thinks people who are overweight don’t know they’re overweight. She knows she’s overweight and you mentioning it (a) won’t motivate her to do anything, and (b) will make her feel like shit.

I also suggest you carefully examine why you’re concerned, and whether that’s as altruistic as you seem to think it is.

She’s a grown woman and will only do something about this when she decides herself to do it.

Ridiculous. OP has said nothing about her friends’ weight being embarrassing - that’s all you. Neither has she used the words ‘chubby’ or ‘fatty’ - both hurtful slurs, which you don’t seem to have any problem throwing about. OP is coming from a place of concern having seen her friend struggle. Sometimes it takes an event like that to bring it home that someone we love is in a difficult place, and it’s natural to want to help.

There is no way of saying anything about her weight without you sounding superior and judgmental. Maybe think about how you would feel if it was the other way round? If you’ve never had to worry about your weight you have no idea what she is thinking or feeling and you saying something could be crushing.