AIBU to break the 'never comment on weight' rule with my friend after sports day?"

If you want to talk to her about her fitness, you can do that without mentioning her weight. But only if you are actually willing to help her if she needs it.
Don't just 'mention' something that she already knows to her. What would that achieve?

I can see why your user name is anon for this. Telling the op to shut her fat trap and calling her conceited and sanctimonious , a conceited busybody, with no help to offer - it’s all purely just a nasty personal attack, and that’s just the most recent of many posts. I’m sorry you’re triggered by this - sudden guilt from realising how little your friends health and wellbeing bothers you? Do you aggressively bully in real
life or is it not anonymous enough face to face?

Nowhere has this poster even intimated that the friend is ‘thick’. But I think if what you’re saying is that the friend undoubtedly knows she is fat and unfit, that isn’t borne out by her entering the parents’ race. It indicates she had no real idea of how her weight had impacted her physical condition, otherwise she wouldn’t have entered. She would have known she would have struggled and been left embarrassed and making excuses.

Sorry can you clarify what makes you think the friend is thick not just fat and doesn’t understand that her reduction in physicality is due to her weight gain?

OP isn’t commenting specifically on her friends’ weight though - it’s concern having seen for herself the way in which the weight is impacting her health. That’s a different conversation surely ? I’ve been overweight and have had ‘the conversation’ from my GP - concerns about weight gain and the obvious effects it was starting to have on my health. Of course I knew I was fat, but the conversation wasn’t about my appearance, it was about the impact of it on my body. It was a legitimate concern and I’m struggling to understand why it would be any more offensive coming from a concerned friend or family member, than from a health care professional.

I suppose my question would be - then what? You tell your friend she is fat and you are worried for her- what is the desired outcome? Because it will probably be the end of the friendship. Especially if she is aware she found sports day difficult- it will sound like you are confirming she made a fool of herself.

What you are failing to understand OP is that no matter what you say, or how you say it, I can guarantee that what she hears is "you're fat". You seem more offended that anyone is inferring that it is an approach you would take rather than understanding how it will be taken and how the words, no matter how dressed up they may be, will hit.
Absolutely support your friend, if and when she asks for it. Raising the issue for her, thinking you are doing her a favour, is not advisable.

She’ll only know if friend needs (or wants) support if a) friend tells her or b) OP asks her. So we’re back where we started.

A comment about concern for health will land the same way as a comment about size.

Overweight people know that being overweight causes health issues, they’re not stupid.

Could be.

Oh my!
OP I think you are a concerned friend and maybe I've read it wrong but I for one didn't think you were commenting on her weight, but more her health. Of course she knows it herself but maybe she's struggling to have the motivation to do something about it or perhaps it's a medical issue - I don't know. I had an undiagnosed thyroid issue that led to weight gain.
I also have true friends (like you) who have suggested WE do something together, for both our benefits rather than always sitting drinking wine and eating pizza.
I *WOULD *say something, in exactly the way I think you are suggesting - by not mentioning her weight but by inviting her on one of your walks perhaps? FWIW I would value your friendship and concern for me. Sometimes we do have to have awkward chats with the ones we love.
Good luck and may your friendship be long and special!

Agree. But I think commenting on someone’s weight out of concern, having seen for yourself the effect it’s having on their health, is different from commenting about how it changes their appearance. That’s what many posters are accusing OP of, despite her making it clear several times that that is not her concern. It seems that it’s better to just avoid the conversation and accept that the prospect of her friend potentially dropping dead of a catastrophic weight related health condition is a much better outcome than OP causing offence by expressing concern.

This is a difficult one and my first response would be don't bring her weight up, but then I think what if it was the other way round and she'd lost a significant amount of weight and you were worried about an eating disorder then, do we still not say anything to those we love? Genuine question. I don't know the answer myself.

So does majority opinion mean nothing then?

Because 90% of over 1.5k people disagree with op she should take the post down rather than reflect on the hundreds of comments (v likely to be from people who are or have been overweight) telling her it’s a bad idea?

I don’t understand what you want to achieve. I have a friend who is similar but she knows - she’s had to buy size 20 clothes ads extenders for her bras. She is very aware she’s not the size 10 she was. I love her whatever her size so her hearing me comment would imply I’ve got an issue and change the dynamics of the friendship. She’s not going to think “oh friend is caring and kindly pointed out the thing I’m struggling with - what a help that is.”

@emzybobz89 How does it feel if you consider inviting her to join you in taking up a new activity? There’s often new classes in September. You could choose something like gentle yoga, which isn’t about weight loss but more about stress relief, improving a sense of well-being, and functional mobility. Or something like painting which is completely unrelated to weight or fitness or health, but might reinforce your care towards he and potentially give both of you a nice thing to do together. If she is struggling with self esteem, mental wellbeing, or eats from boredom- it could also help her in an indirect way.

OP you could suggest a walk or a spar day if that's your thing but your friend would know she's overweight. I put on 6 stone and my friends said nothing bar one. She's my BFF of 37 years and she helped me give up drinking. In addition I had a medical condition treated with steroids and that changed me from tall and trim to 20+ stone. Could she have RA and started treatment?
Tred carefully, its really hard to lose weight. I find people don't know what to say when you do, some days it's quite funny they don't recognize me. Be supportive but unless you have a very close relationship you risk her walking from your friendship.

you’re personally uncomfortable

This is the thing. Telling a friend about their blindingly obvious flaws and the well-known dangers of their behaviour doesn't help them. It helps you, the concerned friend.

After you've unburdened your sadness and worry for her, you may feel better. How does your worry help her? Does it have magical powers? Does your worry transform her into an under-eating exercise fiend?

Well, if it does, you should give up your day job. You could make a fortune by worrying about the obese half of the population! More likely, though, you've just dumped your negative feelings on your friend. You've made her responsible for how you feel. That's not a very kind thing to do, is it?

The thing is, whether comments come from a place of judgment and disgust or a place of genuine concern it doesn’t matter.

Overweight people know they’re overweight.

What exactly do you think telling someone who knows they are fat that they are fat will do? Have you a magic wand perchance?
They ALREADY KNOW they are fat.Why are some of you not grasping this?
Your interference will make absolutely no difference. None. Not one iota. That's the reason not to raise the subject.

I think if those around you have a certain lifestyle and/or weight then it becomes normalised (actually scientifically proven). This takes the urgency out of addressing it. It becomes an issue to be dealt with later. Our society is geared up to make us overweight. It is hard to fight those factors (stress, overwork, UPFs, attention economy, actual money).

Also, I don't want to say "oi fatso lose some of that lard" or "you do know that you are overweight and it is bad for your health?". I want to have discussions about nutrition, exercise, sleep and activities. Just like j do with my immediate family and my similarly-health interested friends. But I feel that this would be rude and sanctimonious for friends and family that are obsese. So, I don't.

Also, can I suggest that maybe some people don't know how to lose weight? The body's biochemistry is ridiculously complex and individualistic. If I tried to lose weight by low-fat eating or plant-based food, I would certainly be heavier by the end. Trial and error has given me ways that work for me. I also like to discuss, read around it and listen to podcasts for further education. The science of nutrition is developing almost daily once you start tuning into it.

But issues of weight have so many more layers to them than smoking. So much of our self-worth is tied to our appearance and so much of our appearance is tied to our physical size. Smoking is something external to the self in a way that weight isn't. That's why people would have a more emotional reaction to being told 'you really need to lose 5 stone, Sophie' as opposed to 'you need to knock the fags on the head, Sophie'.

Maybe I'd be wrong to bring it up to her but I really do not understand why so many people on here have to be so nasty and snarky.

AIBU is brutal and it attracts its fair share of posters just looking to spread their nastiness - evidenced by the recent multiple deletions from one particular poster. I’d ask for the thread to be taken down, because there isn’t a chance in hell that more than a handful of posters will see it from your point of view. Currently you potentially have another 26 pages of this.

It's different because weight gain is specifically about their body, their physicality. If you smoke and someone suggests you stop, it's not a comment on your appearance.
So the weight issue is more tricky.

I got up to a size 18, bmi 32 and would have got out of breath running, if someone watched me, and then said are you finding things harder physically now, they would be lucky if I didn’t rip their ears off.

@emzybobz89 I think people are struggling to understand your motivation for wanting to comment on your friend’s weight, and unfortunately for a lot of overweight/obese people comments have been made to us out of a place of judgement and dislike rather than concern and caring. If you then add in that your concern isn’t actually going to help and that there is really no practical help you can offer… then people are looking for what else may be motivating you. Some of them may come to the wrong conclusion.