AIBU to ask neighbours to keep their dog on a lead?

Because of course that’s a totally reasonable response 🙄. If op runs over the dog deliberately then she will be in trouble, plus it’s an unbelievably shitty thing to do.

This is not the dog or @pumpkinpotpie ‘s fault, it’s the fault of the crappy, inconsiderate owner who is being a CF & can’t be arsed to walk and train their dog (shouldn’t be allowed). I say that as person sitting with my dogs on the bed next to me, who have just run all the way down the drive with me to take the bins out but who stay on my property and don’t approach strangers unless invited (which people inevitably do as they are super cute, it’s actually quite annoying from a training perspective).

@pumpkinpotpie the drive is shared but presumably the garden isn’t, so they have an obligation to keep their dog out of your garden. They also as PPs have said have an obligation to keep their dog under control and if has no recall it would fail that test. If you don’t want to escalate that’s your choice but those two points would be my starting point along with a clear message that it doesn’t matter if the dog is friendly you find it intimidating and they need to make changes or you will have to take action.

I also wouldn’t suggest carrying treats or putting your hand out in the dogs face- if you did that to mine they would think you wanted a nose bump so more likely to engage but equally you don’t want to present a limb to a badly sociales, nervous dog as that’s just asking for trouble. Firm, calm no, step into them if they jump up ( puts them off balance in a way stepping away doesn’t) and turn your back otherwise. No eye contact, no attention. Also to reassure barking doesn’t generally mean a bite is more likely, usually the opposite, provided you don’t escale with approaching them etc.

I am dog owner and this is not ok. Doesn’t sounds ideal for the dog either. It should be walked. And not exposed to random strangers coming and going. That said, I can’t imagine those issues will be bothering the owners or they wouldn’t be doing it.
You shouldn’t have to but you could try throwing a big chew for him (away from you) when you need to get by in the dark.

So if you and your children are clean and dressed for the day/school their dog can and will jump up at you and muddy your clothes!! Totally unacceptable!! I own dogs and would never allow this.

They shouldnt just be leaving dog on its own out the front of the house. You talk about befriending the dog. Why dont you explain your wariness of dogs and ask if you could take it for a walk ?

Dogs work on smell rather than sight so I’m sure he recognises your scent and that you are no threat.

Does your local authority have a dog warden ? For the dog’s sake it shouldn’t be allowed to wander where it could get hit by a car. Nor be able to wander over your property.

The responsibility lies fairly and squarely with your neighbours, as the owners of the dog, to make sure that it is not a nuisance.
They should absolutely not be just letting this dog loose out the front of the house. It should be under their control at ALL times.
Your history of being nervous around dogs has no relevance here. You could be the world's greatest dog lover and the neighbours are still in the wrong.

Why don't they let it into their back garden which hopefully is secure?

Stop trying to appease them.

It doesn't matter if the dog is friendly so it's poor form for them to brush you off. I am a massive dog lover and we have a rescue dog who is very reactive to other animals. I've had so many arguments with people who let their dogs run over to mine with the old "he's friendly/just wants to play/say hello" attitude. I have threatened many of them with reporting them to the dog warden for having an out of control dog as they cannot or will not recall it. It seems to do the trick. I wouldn't hesitate to say that to my neighbours but I'm a hard faced cow so wouldn't care if it soured relations. I appreciate you might not want to go down that route but if it's causing you fear, being a nuisance or at risk of being run over, a dog warden can take action.

Completely agree with this. You should not have to manage interactions with the dog. The dog should not be allowed to approach you. The dog should be under control or contained in their home / garden.

I love dogs, and they are being unreasonable. Their dog shouldn’t be loose outside of their house where it could get hurt. They don’t sound very responsible OP, so I think your only option is to befriend the dog. Spaniels are always eager to play so that’s probably why the dog stares at you, it’s waiting for something. Hopefully you’ll become firm friends and feel much more comfortable.

Sorry, not read the full thread, just the OP’s post.

i love dogs, I own a dog. He’s the friendliest, soppiest thing in the world. But I still wouldn’t let him bound around on a shared driveway, ESPECIALLY when I’ve been asked twice (I think) if I could pop him on a lead.
the onus isn’t on the OP to befriend it more, join them on walks (that they don’t even take - another sign of a shit owner) or make sure the dog knows it her in the dark. It’s on the neighbours to listen to and respect their neighbours boundaries.

you should have to OP, but have you told them how nervous it makes you due to your past experience? Or how your son is feeling it too?

i really don’t have any advice, the only route I can think would be to say ‘look, he needs to be on a lead and kept off my property or I’ll have to call the dog warden’, but then that’s going to cause tension between you and your neighbour. Which would be no great loss as they can’t even listen to this simple request, but still.

@DesignedforRioting she doesn't have to, but she may choose to if it's the easiest way to resolve the problem. Or indeed the only way, as the owners aren't showing any sign of wanting to address it.

But why should she have to?

She doesn’t know the dog it’s the neighbours dog, and she has previously been fearful of dogs. I have spent extensive time with dogs with different needs and in dog training. You shouldn’t ever put your hand in front of a dog even if it’s friendly it might not like you invading its space. It’s outdated and stupid advice.

Sorry OP but dont buy treats. The dog will associate you with treats and if it's a youngish dog it will ne over like a shot every time it sees you.

You need to go back to your neighbours I think and be clearer and more definitive with them.
"I know your dog is not scary. But I am scared. I cannot help my reaction. I also do not want your dog weeing or pooing on my garden, even if you pick it up. So please do not allow your dog to roam unsupervised. If this persists then I will need to take preventative measures. "

Obviously dont explain what these are. If they say oh he's friendly then just repeat again and again. If it's left out again then ring their doorbell and ask them to recall the dog whilst you walk down. Do this every time. Theyll soon get bored

A dog shouldn’t be allowed to run freely around a shared drive, do they not have an enclosed garden?
the dog is at risk if you or another vehicle enters the drive way unaware the dog is there! Especially if the dog has poor recall.

I’d maybe frame it as being concerned about the dog’s welfare

I can’t control them or the dog. The only thing I can control is my reaction so I’ll start there.

I am a dog trainer. My advice would be to literally ignore the dog. What I mean by ignore it is to carry on doing exactly what you were doing as if it isn't there.

Most people stop, or look at the undesired dog, or do something different to what they were doing before they saw the dog. The dog notices the change in the behaviour of the human. If there is no change, and the dog gets no reaction, it will likely just ignore the human too. It would take too long to explain why this happens, but the main thing for you OP is to carry on exactly as you would if the dog wasn't there. Same speech patterns, same arm movements, same direction, same speed. Change nothing. I would bet my house that the dog will look at you for a few seconds, and then ignore you.

This will be difficult, especially if it runs up to you, but just treat it like it isn't there. Don't stop, don't look at it, don't speak to it, nothing at all to even recognise its presence.

If you stamp your foot very loudly, this tells canines the human is in charge, it puts the dog in their place and I have seen reactive dogs become submissive when I have done this in the past.

This should put distance between you and the dog.

Do you not have back gardens? If you do why on earth are your neighbours letting their dog into the front garden?

I love dogs and have had them for over 40 years but I would be furious if they were my neighbours. No one should be letting a dog run free on other neighbours' gardens.

It is also very cruel not to walk the dog.

I would report to the dog warden

Some of the advice on this thread is terrible. This is not a well-socialised or happy dog. And it is probably not well bred - chances are it's standing still and staring at night because it can't see properly (a health issue effecting spaniels and poodles, early symptoms of which are often difficulty seeing at night) so the last thing anyone should be doing is getting close to it and potentially scaring it.

So:

Absolutely do not crouch down and put your hand in the dogs face. A nervous dog, or unhappy dog, will bite or snap or lunge and so will one with sight issues - which this one may well have based on what you've said.

Absolutely do not give it treats. No one should be feeling a dog they do not know. Spaniels (and poodles and thus the mixes) can be prone to serious stomach issues and allergies. Worse can scenario is an out of hours emergency vets visit...all because OP fed it something it's allergic to.

Dog warden. Log each incident. End of.

As a dog lover I would be annoyed if it was crapping on MY front lawn. Your neighbours sounds rather lax about it so you can either fall out with them or befriend the dog.
maybe ask if you can give it a treat next time you see them.
I second the idea of if you are going out the door in the dark and feel the dog might be there to call out ‘only me!’ Or something.
You probably shouldn’t have to have this level of involvement with it, but it doesn’t sound like the neighbours are going to stop it going out the front anytime soon.

I would call the dog warden and tell them the dogs on the loose.

It’s really difficult to change other people’s behaviours. It’s easier to do something that you can control yourself. I think it’s a good idea to see if you and your son can go on a walk with them because it’s actually a good opportunity for your son to get over his fear a little bit and in turn that will help you.

I don’t think the neighbours are being reasonable though!

I don't even let my dog out in my garden off lead because she's a b*tch (we love her really) and SOOOOOO naughty. She is a lurcher and can leap over a high fence with ease. Before I realised she could do this, she took herself off on a afternoon trip around the estate I live on. So the consequence is she goes out on lead. I have a lead that goes around my waist so if I'm doing stuff in the garden where I need my hands free or sitting in the garden, then she goes on that.

I can't imagine having a neighbour who had your history with dogs and just letting the dog roam free. It's so irresponsible and disrespectful. It's a shared space, not their private space - can't stand the entitlement.

Anyway, I think your idea about trying to get to know the dog better is a good one and may also help your fears. I would ask the neighbours what treats the dog can have and if it's okay for you to use them to befriend it. If so, get some, and use those to try and redirect the behaviour. So when the dog runs towards you, chuck a handful over the ground (sort of sprinkled as far as possible) this will stop them immediately jumping up at you and rewards them for keeping their paws on the floor.

So it’s a reasonably long driveway leads to multiple houses that this dog is running all over, in the dark, unaccompanied (I know you say they’re there, but obviously not right with it all the time)? Sounds like an accident waiting to happen tbh.

Another thread about prisoner pets.
To those who suggested befriending or walking the dog OP has already said it’s completely untrained and doesn’t get walked!