AIBU to feel upset after engagement plans and seeing his grief?

Do you feel you have some control and an equal say in this relationship and how it's progressing, or are you just following his lead? It all feels rushed and a bit weird.

6 months is too soon to be embarking on a new relationship post bereavement. I feel like if you had good strong boundaries and self esteem, you would not have started dating him. And now you're engaged too soon.

Getting engaged, deciding on your wedding plans then inviting your children around to propose in front of them is SUPER weird. You're already engaged so what exactly is the point of a proposal, let alone a public one - it's not a spectator sport!

In what way did you bring him together with his children and grandchildren?

I'm sorry but this all feels off in lots of ways, I have a strong feeling that he has an ulterior motive for locking you down ASAP.

I would think it odd if he wasn’t still grieving his wife after 18 months!! Slow things down. It’s crazy to marry him so quickly.

I think I would want to take careful stock of what role this man wants or needs you to play in his life.

He had barely any time living by himself after his wife passed and to rush into remarriage at such a pace suggests he is trying to fill a gap rather than build a genuine new partnership based on mutuality.

The fact that you feel it’s too soon is a big red flag that you should take note of rather than just go along with it.

I don't think it needs to be the end of your relationship OP. Just slow things down a bit. Maybe put the wedding off until the year after next? What's the rush?

one shows me his social media of last week at his deceased wifes (not his kids mum) grave. He was clearly still grieving in the video

Seriously, a grown man old enough to have grandchildren is posting videos of himself grieving at his wife's grave on social media? I feel so old, I thought visiting a grave was a personal activity, not something to share on Facebook/insta.

Moving on quickly is not unusual and, at the risk of being sexist, is more common in men when their wife dies.

Being grief stricken when your spouse dies is normal and the grief will always be there, even if you find someone else. If you are happy with someone else, the grief will be accommodated and not be prominent. A new spouse has to accept it especially if the deceased was the mother or father of children.

I have to say him getting together only six months after being widowed is a little too soon, so is getting engaged eighteen months after the bereavement. I'd ask him to wait longer, each continue living in your own homes and get to know each other more.

I'm not surprised your children are less than enthusiastic, this is going to have an impact on their lives. You say they are both disabled, are they ready for someone outside of the family to see how they cope, what they have to do, on a day to day basis?

Please be careful and cautious, ihatesonic.

This is far too quick. Pull back, take it slowly.

Yeah, I think he has rushed into a new relationship and odds are that you might regret it if you don’t slow things down a bunch. At 12 months you barely know him.

This is rushed. You really don't know him after a year and your kids aren't too thrilled with the idea. I'd slow the roll here.

I dont think he is fully ready to move on yet. His wife died 18 months ago and your relationship began soon afterwards. Buying a ring sounds like jumping the gun. I would have left it at least another year.